Reading over this diary of the first yr I got into methamphetamine, boy did I think:
- I was hot shit
- Meth was totally harmless
You could say I was a bit naive, you could even say I deserve what's happened to my life since!
This entry is almost embarrassing so laugh all you want - I did when I first read it, then I saw how tragic it was!
Bear in mind, I had been smoking meth for a couple of months at this point and I was relatively 'okay':
-no constant shadow ppl
-no criminal record
-no addictions (tho I was psychologically hooked)
-no false tubes going from a kidney to my bladder so I can pee
-no hep C
-no sunken eyes and cheeks/missing or rotten teeth/hair falling out/trackmarks/cracked lips/sores in mouth/eczema-like rashes/fluid on lungs/dry skin
-MRI showed a normal brain, not one with enlarged ventricles/holes showing extreme lack of dopamine
-no damage to vital organs
-always a healthy weight
I could go on but what's the point? What's done is done.
I just wish methamphetamine had been on documentaries on TV, we'd learned about how serious it was in school, and it was a Class A drug back then (now it fills all those categories)...but I have to face it - methamphetamine was basically nearly unheard of when I started. If only I'd listened to my overseas friends on the net who'd already encountered methamphetamine in their countries, and knew plenty about how bad it was! Still, I have to stop trying to turn back time - no use in that. Can only move forward...and I plan to. I already am. I certainly am nothing like the P-worshipping teen who wrote the entry below, put it that way!
4/8/99 (Age 15) - CRYSTAL METH IS 'GOD'
Yesterday, Alisha came over in the morning and we shared a smoke, breaking in her new pipe, The Crystal Dragon. Christiana walked in on us in mid-puff and we freaked out, thinking it was Dad! The three of us bummed around, watching movies and smoking P and drinking cans of beer Christi stole off Joanne. Christiana took photos of Alisha and I smoking up and acting spun. In the evening Anand picked us up and we bought some weed to hotbox his car with.
We cruised around with Hema and Sean for awhile. We dragged off some wanker in a Ford and won, then hung out in the Quay St carpark for awhile, hooking up with a bunch of tweakers in a WRX. Then Alisha freaked out again (it always happens when she goes out after smoking the combination of P and weed - such a buzzkill) so we took her to Sky City where her mum was bound to be upstairs glued to the pokies.
After we got rid of Miss Buzzkill, we cruised over to Rahul's, where we smoked P and drank all night. I passed out and Christi poured a bucket of cold water over me so I woke up wet. That or she wanted to see my tits. I wasn't wearing a bra, in hope she'd give my nipples a nibble.
I got home at 4.00am this morning, dripping wet, with Christi and Hema in tow (God I hope Christi's not into Hema now) - we crashed in my room (I got into my PJs) and woke up later (well Christiana and Hema woke me up talking) so I was grumpy as fuck. Still...Crystal Meth is GOD!!! I don't get what all the fuss is about when I tell people online, from America and shit, that I smoke it. They act like it's like heroin or something! Jeez, it's only like speed but better. A Class B drug - big deal! Hasn't done any harm to me. I think it helps me.
I have a rotten hangover/crash/comedown/whatever-you-want-to-call-it.
It's wearing off now but I'm still not 100%. I ached all over this morning and I still feel sick. It was tempting to cure it with a smoke! I have plenty of P left.
I was meant to be at a Pony Club working bee this morning but no fucking way, mate! I was only just able to haul myself up, eat and plonk myself in front of Final Destination with Christiana and Hema, who rang in sick for work.
I cancelled my riding lesson too - you can hardly not attend a working bee then cruise over later and have a lesson. Damn, Bobby could do with some work on his dressage, and I like Caroline - she's such a bogan. Bet she'd like crystal meth (if she's heard of it)! She always explains how to get Bob to work on the bit so I actually understand what to do. Until she goes away and it's just me and Bob, who pulls like a train and can't stand flatwork, unless there are jumps in-between. I can understand how he feels. Still he's a young, gangly horse who's got a hard mouth from pulling a sulky before he stopped harness-racing. He doesn't disunite at the canter anymore, pace or refuse to bend on a 20-metre circle, but he needs heaps more work at dressage before we move up to training level. Pity, because he'd ace the jumping - fuck I'd be using at least a Dutch gag though, or we'd be travelling too fast cross-country, for the height and width of those jumps, especially the combination jumps. As it is, we're always out-of-control in his eggbutt snaffle - I just hold on as he tears around at top speed, aiming him at the right jumps. We can get away with that at pre-training level. Not training. Maybe I can't do it with him - I'm too small for him, and I've never trained a horse to do eventing before, especially not a standardbred. A young standardbred. I'd be better with a horse like that Arab, Lyric, who's up for sale, from Edward Bullock's yard. An old, small schoolmaster with eventing experience! I love Bobby, but that Arab is going for a decent price, and he's more the kind of horse I need. So he's old - Arabs can live into their thirties. So Arabs are known to be difficult - so are stallions, and look at Rio! Note to self - put up a reasonable argument as to why Mum should buy me Lyric!
Anyway, got off-track, as I do. Back to the state Christi, Hema and I were in earlier, before they left later (and Christi didn't even kiss me - doubt she's told Hema she's bi; maybe she's ashamed and that hurts a bit), I came to the conclusion that while, yes, I love crystal meth, don't get me wrong...in fact whoever invented the stuff has made me so so happy. All I hate are the 'next-day' effects.
I should try smoking everyday for a week - maybe that'd keep me awake and the comedown wouldn't be so bad?
Can't wait till school starts again and Kate's going to be there every day again...with more meth!
(NB - firstly, some of these names may be aliases)
- Alisha was just a friend (who tended to do everything I did, whether she could handle it or not) who ended up later becoming, first, a fav drug buddy wen I was living down the road from her and we were both P addicts, then later, she became my gf (we broke up when she decided to get clean)
- Christiana was my gf at the time
- Joanne is Christi's much older half-sister
- Anand was a friend of mine when I was going through my 'boy-racer' phase...he was in a car gang, drove a souped-up Japanese car with an expensive sound system; he made money selling hot car parts/sound systems for cars (all hot)...last I heard of him he got busted for this and is still inside
- Hema worked with Christi at Burger King and hung out with us heaps
- Sean also worked at BK and liked the P, once introduced (by us of course...)
- Rahul was another member of the car gang Anand was in, also involved in theft/dealing stolen car parts/subs, etc
- Bobby was my eventer/Pony Club mount at the time...he tried, but he needed someone with more experience to train him at dressage, as he had just finished a career in harness-racing
- Caroline was an older member of Mangere Pony Club, where I went back then (was later kicked out for talking about drugs out loud...); she gave private lessons if we paid her, and her horse was part-standardbred so she knew about their difficulties when it comes to training under saddle; I felt she was the perfect teacher for Bobby and I
- Lyric was a horse up for sale and there was an ad for him pinned to the message board at our Pony Club...he ended up being my next horse after Bobby!
- Edward Bullock is a professional show-jumper who often takes on other peoples horses, trains them to work harder and sells them off for a profit, along with the horses he breeds himself
- Rio was my cousin Lance's top reining stallion, a paint horse who was well-known in the western horse breeding community, a gentle horse for a stallion, and the sire of one of my current horses, Apache...he died getting his foot stuck in a deer fence; he panicked, broke his leg and Lance shot him
- Kate was the chick who introduced me to P...and many other drugs; her dad was a dealer of many drugs and she was my dealer while at school; I totally idolised her...shes now dead, due to an H OD...
- I was hot shit
- Meth was totally harmless
You could say I was a bit naive, you could even say I deserve what's happened to my life since!
This entry is almost embarrassing so laugh all you want - I did when I first read it, then I saw how tragic it was!
Bear in mind, I had been smoking meth for a couple of months at this point and I was relatively 'okay':
-no constant shadow ppl
-no criminal record
-no addictions (tho I was psychologically hooked)
-no false tubes going from a kidney to my bladder so I can pee
-no hep C
-no sunken eyes and cheeks/missing or rotten teeth/hair falling out/trackmarks/cracked lips/sores in mouth/eczema-like rashes/fluid on lungs/dry skin
-MRI showed a normal brain, not one with enlarged ventricles/holes showing extreme lack of dopamine
-no damage to vital organs
-always a healthy weight
I could go on but what's the point? What's done is done.
I just wish methamphetamine had been on documentaries on TV, we'd learned about how serious it was in school, and it was a Class A drug back then (now it fills all those categories)...but I have to face it - methamphetamine was basically nearly unheard of when I started. If only I'd listened to my overseas friends on the net who'd already encountered methamphetamine in their countries, and knew plenty about how bad it was! Still, I have to stop trying to turn back time - no use in that. Can only move forward...and I plan to. I already am. I certainly am nothing like the P-worshipping teen who wrote the entry below, put it that way!
4/8/99 (Age 15) - CRYSTAL METH IS 'GOD'
Yesterday, Alisha came over in the morning and we shared a smoke, breaking in her new pipe, The Crystal Dragon. Christiana walked in on us in mid-puff and we freaked out, thinking it was Dad! The three of us bummed around, watching movies and smoking P and drinking cans of beer Christi stole off Joanne. Christiana took photos of Alisha and I smoking up and acting spun. In the evening Anand picked us up and we bought some weed to hotbox his car with.
We cruised around with Hema and Sean for awhile. We dragged off some wanker in a Ford and won, then hung out in the Quay St carpark for awhile, hooking up with a bunch of tweakers in a WRX. Then Alisha freaked out again (it always happens when she goes out after smoking the combination of P and weed - such a buzzkill) so we took her to Sky City where her mum was bound to be upstairs glued to the pokies.
After we got rid of Miss Buzzkill, we cruised over to Rahul's, where we smoked P and drank all night. I passed out and Christi poured a bucket of cold water over me so I woke up wet. That or she wanted to see my tits. I wasn't wearing a bra, in hope she'd give my nipples a nibble.
I got home at 4.00am this morning, dripping wet, with Christi and Hema in tow (God I hope Christi's not into Hema now) - we crashed in my room (I got into my PJs) and woke up later (well Christiana and Hema woke me up talking) so I was grumpy as fuck. Still...Crystal Meth is GOD!!! I don't get what all the fuss is about when I tell people online, from America and shit, that I smoke it. They act like it's like heroin or something! Jeez, it's only like speed but better. A Class B drug - big deal! Hasn't done any harm to me. I think it helps me.
I have a rotten hangover/crash/comedown/whatever-you-want-to-call-it.
It's wearing off now but I'm still not 100%. I ached all over this morning and I still feel sick. It was tempting to cure it with a smoke! I have plenty of P left.
I was meant to be at a Pony Club working bee this morning but no fucking way, mate! I was only just able to haul myself up, eat and plonk myself in front of Final Destination with Christiana and Hema, who rang in sick for work.
I cancelled my riding lesson too - you can hardly not attend a working bee then cruise over later and have a lesson. Damn, Bobby could do with some work on his dressage, and I like Caroline - she's such a bogan. Bet she'd like crystal meth (if she's heard of it)! She always explains how to get Bob to work on the bit so I actually understand what to do. Until she goes away and it's just me and Bob, who pulls like a train and can't stand flatwork, unless there are jumps in-between. I can understand how he feels. Still he's a young, gangly horse who's got a hard mouth from pulling a sulky before he stopped harness-racing. He doesn't disunite at the canter anymore, pace or refuse to bend on a 20-metre circle, but he needs heaps more work at dressage before we move up to training level. Pity, because he'd ace the jumping - fuck I'd be using at least a Dutch gag though, or we'd be travelling too fast cross-country, for the height and width of those jumps, especially the combination jumps. As it is, we're always out-of-control in his eggbutt snaffle - I just hold on as he tears around at top speed, aiming him at the right jumps. We can get away with that at pre-training level. Not training. Maybe I can't do it with him - I'm too small for him, and I've never trained a horse to do eventing before, especially not a standardbred. A young standardbred. I'd be better with a horse like that Arab, Lyric, who's up for sale, from Edward Bullock's yard. An old, small schoolmaster with eventing experience! I love Bobby, but that Arab is going for a decent price, and he's more the kind of horse I need. So he's old - Arabs can live into their thirties. So Arabs are known to be difficult - so are stallions, and look at Rio! Note to self - put up a reasonable argument as to why Mum should buy me Lyric!
Anyway, got off-track, as I do. Back to the state Christi, Hema and I were in earlier, before they left later (and Christi didn't even kiss me - doubt she's told Hema she's bi; maybe she's ashamed and that hurts a bit), I came to the conclusion that while, yes, I love crystal meth, don't get me wrong...in fact whoever invented the stuff has made me so so happy. All I hate are the 'next-day' effects.
I should try smoking everyday for a week - maybe that'd keep me awake and the comedown wouldn't be so bad?
Can't wait till school starts again and Kate's going to be there every day again...with more meth!
(NB - firstly, some of these names may be aliases)
- Alisha was just a friend (who tended to do everything I did, whether she could handle it or not) who ended up later becoming, first, a fav drug buddy wen I was living down the road from her and we were both P addicts, then later, she became my gf (we broke up when she decided to get clean)
- Christiana was my gf at the time
- Joanne is Christi's much older half-sister
- Anand was a friend of mine when I was going through my 'boy-racer' phase...he was in a car gang, drove a souped-up Japanese car with an expensive sound system; he made money selling hot car parts/sound systems for cars (all hot)...last I heard of him he got busted for this and is still inside
- Hema worked with Christi at Burger King and hung out with us heaps
- Sean also worked at BK and liked the P, once introduced (by us of course...)
- Rahul was another member of the car gang Anand was in, also involved in theft/dealing stolen car parts/subs, etc
- Bobby was my eventer/Pony Club mount at the time...he tried, but he needed someone with more experience to train him at dressage, as he had just finished a career in harness-racing
- Caroline was an older member of Mangere Pony Club, where I went back then (was later kicked out for talking about drugs out loud...); she gave private lessons if we paid her, and her horse was part-standardbred so she knew about their difficulties when it comes to training under saddle; I felt she was the perfect teacher for Bobby and I
- Lyric was a horse up for sale and there was an ad for him pinned to the message board at our Pony Club...he ended up being my next horse after Bobby!
- Edward Bullock is a professional show-jumper who often takes on other peoples horses, trains them to work harder and sells them off for a profit, along with the horses he breeds himself
- Rio was my cousin Lance's top reining stallion, a paint horse who was well-known in the western horse breeding community, a gentle horse for a stallion, and the sire of one of my current horses, Apache...he died getting his foot stuck in a deer fence; he panicked, broke his leg and Lance shot him
- Kate was the chick who introduced me to P...and many other drugs; her dad was a dealer of many drugs and she was my dealer while at school; I totally idolised her...shes now dead, due to an H OD...
It's OK we got through it! And we're back on our feet again.
