An Enjoyable Little Day

Got to type some fairly meaningless drivel every now and then eh!

I'm fried....well I feel like I've come down now but if you're a P user you'll know the way it is with methamphetamine - you don't always really notice you're on it unless you think about it hard...

When I think about it hard yes I suppose I am still a little...'tweaky'!

Keira came over today - I'd been looking forward to this for a few reasons:
-I'm in luv with Keira (noooo lol 8))
-I knew I was gonna get some
-I was allowing myself to hav my first smoke of meth...with Keira.

It was as good as I'd imagined.
Maybe even better.

We got straight down to business - smoked a bit of decent crack and started (between mindless chatter) to feel each other up, then we made love...

Making love is so different to sex! I'm used to sex...but with someone I love it's different - I know everything she likes and I want to please her and vice versa.
Also her caress felt so much softer and so much more like 'love' rather than being 'fucked'.

After that, we had a good walk (well after a snuggle ) to really get the endorphins flowing.

Endorphins AND dopamine....
fuck I'd say I'm a lucky girl today!

 

Hey. I'm glad you have someone that you feel close to that's giving you some support. Although I've been molested as a child by pediatrician, "date" rape at 15 & 17 (same guy), plus had a dad that insisted upon leering at me naked til I was 17 (it was disgustingly creepy), I've not been through ANYTHING like what you've been through in terms of sex or drugs I guess. I agree being in love and making love is SOOO much better/different than just having sex and being fucked.

When I was a horny teen, and even up to age 28, it was all good, I could have sex just because I was horny. For the last 17 years w/o strong emotional attachment on my part, I'm basically fidgid. I tried to have sex some 3 or 4 months ago, but I could not perform. Forget about it. You're doing pretty well not letting what happened ruin that part of your life, you know? Now that you've explained why you couldn't have those assholes arrested, I understand. And yea, they all may think they are untouchable forever, but it's just that very attitude that sooner or later can and WILL trip them up.

Some may get sentence for drug charges, or like you said, violent crime/murder. No one is above paying the Piper forever because in this life in one way (or more ways than one) or another, will suffer some unpleasant consequences, even if some manage to evade prison, they will not elude death, and death will come a lot sooner due to their lifestyle. I'm glad I DON'T have to keep company 24/7 will assholes like that cause sooner or later, hang with assholes, you get shit on.

The PTSD doesn't surprise me one bit, and as annoyed as I was reading about the recent thief, ah hell be careful..... Maybe you should have a chaparone with you at all times when you're away from home until the symptoms are more controlled. When you're ready to get off methadone, (which is better to put up with than dealing with scum sucker thugs, even though methadone is a bitch i've been told to kick) have you thought about Ibogaine to detox you?

Of course it's illegal in the US (as is anything to do with drugs here HA HA) but by chance is Ibogaine legal in NZ? Even if it isn't, it's something to think about and consider for the future. I did a great deal of research and several BL'ers on here that were on 120mg and higher of methadone, did kick and stay kicked. I know there are clinics and medical staff in Mexico and Canada...or again if the cost is prohibitive, perhaps a home detox would be something to investigate. If it's legal in your contry, the drug company will mail it to you.

Long b4 I picked up speed again, or any fun drugs for that matter, had I had the funds to get the Ibogaine, I would have done it in a heartbeat. Legal issues prevented me from taking it once and for all to physically detox me off Tramadol and I didn't have large amounts of cash to be trucking to Canada for some $10,000 detox. I do have a dear friend I love to bits in Canada so I could have had the pharmacy mail the Ibogaine to him, then he to me....but he is very strung out on heroin and I am poor. I think he'd have every intention of sending me the medicine, but I have a feeling he would have gotten dopesick for some reason, as he runs out of $ a lot, (common theme with dope fiends) there'd have been too high a chance I'd never have seen the detox, and out $600, which I'd of had to borrow. The rest is history, I got tired of feeling like crap, so went back to speed.

Perhaps circumstances would be quite different for you, seeing as how you don't live in the US, lol. Food for thought.

 

yea ive looked into ibogaine actually, funny u shud mention it!

wise advice all round id say (ive got my chaperone now and i think u can guess who she is )

but back to the ibogaine, currently the clinic running over here wudnt allow me to b dosed cos of my history of seizures plus at the time i had an irregular heartrate, and i hav an enlarged liver

id luv to do ibogaine to
-get off methamphetamine/methadone/valium and hav no cravings!!! (cant imagine having no cravings for P/opiates!!!)
-to deal with my hep C (no way i want to do interferon treatment, i feel sick enough....)

maybe someday eh....one can only hope!

and one can only hope u manage to get back to where u want to b too hun, cos u r such a fighter.....i know u can do it (and maybe u shud come to NZ, we certainly havnt made ibogaine illegal here - its not LEGAL as such; the govt just dont really know its being used...there is an underground clinic but of course i cant give the details as to where unless u emailed me on [email protected])

all the best!

 

Hi..I'll never leave you a nasty comment. I try not to do that cuz I want ppl to take me seriously,(yeah right! who am I kidding hahaha)
Anyhoo,...I think it's damn brave of you to share yer personal feelings. I envy you fer yer sexdrive. I lost mine. Pfft! gone like a fart in the wind. I can't even masterbate. Now am I mad? a common drug addcit?......yup I am....and sensitive to the core.
Nothing wrong with that. Unless I think it is.

 

nah u seem like a nice guy olympic smoker
havnt seen a mean comment from u towards anyone yet, and that i respect!!

i dont hav much of a sex drive either tbh....or i didnt until Keira came along
maybe its cos i was using too heavily before....and the ppl (guys AND girls) i was sleeping with...well only one of them (other than Keira) has ever loved me/seen me as anything more than a fucking slot machine (and he died)

also i prefer girls to guys (about 70/30) - so having a first true romance (thats not just about sex and drugs) with a girl just makes me insanely horny (esp being on some really gd meth while we were both still rushing.....)

sensitivity? nothing wrong with that
its 'wannabe macho' that i hate tbh (if thats wat u mean by sensitivity!)

 

You know it's funny...sometimes on Bluelight...how it's hard to reconize the gender of a member.....maybe it's cuz of the nick name. I'm a girl btw. hee hee ....sorry I just got a kick out of this. From yer profile...I see you too are a female. thats good cuz.....just seems more easier to converse with another female...who are like us...Bluelighters!

 

wow, yea - i hate assumptions, and i just made one with u....

as the saying goes, wen u ASSUME, u make an ASS out of U and ME
guess i just did that

oh well, with a name like olympic smoker, im guessing u like 'greenery'? cos if so, yes ull defo b easy to converse with - another female stoner!

saying that, i get on well with girls and guys cos im a total bogan and a tomboy sooooo....im walking around in trackpants/leather jackets/beanies/band t-shirts and i hav tattoos all up my arms
most ppl figure me for lesbian....and i guess i am to a certain extent (well im certainly loud and proud about being with a female partner...and im defo the 'butch'! )

only thing 'feminine' about me is the fact that i ride horses - even then i dont do the whole poncy 'showing' thing....i like fast exciting sports like show-jumping/eventing/hunting

but yea i agree - it is hard to recognise the gender of a person on BL - i cud count on 10 hands the amount of times ppl hav referred to me as 'he'! (im going off-track cos im still tweaking my head off! meth binge finishes officially tomorrow...)

 

Haha! That's funny! Whenever I've posted in TDS, don't make any gender reference, BLers that don't know me, always address me as "Dude," LMAO or "That's some great writing, dude." I guess I write like a guy then? Well both of you gave me a grin for that memory. The 3 of us have non gender specific names and most people ASSume we're guys if we write anything halfway ballsy. Hell maybe we have a disease called Cerebral Ballsy yuk yuk yuk. Ok nuff of that. Got to go to work damn it.

 

nahhhh TJ - i took u for a chick straight off!
dunno why....maybe cos i met u more via PM (id never actually seen u post in TDS tbh!) and u definitely came across as a chick THAT way lol

but then, sometimes ppl call me 'dude' even if its to my face - maybe cos i hang out with plenty of stoners
stoners tend to use the word 'dude' quite liberally....
i dont really mind being called 'dude' tbh, just given male references like 'D_W said that HE did that....' (etc)

i think thats partly why in the end i decided to put the pic of me competing my horse up as an avatar (one trouble being i hav no tits in that pic and i had short short hair cos back then i tended to pull it all out due to meth use - hence the lack of tits too; those were the 4gms a day yrs 8( - still i think most ppl still assume its mainly females who ride, even in 3 day eventing....)

 

The last person to call me "dude" got a swift kick in the balls.

You never call a t-girl "dude"

 

ill remember that one, hun
not that id call my gf 'dude', its not exactly 'sexy'!!!