"Actually, please disregard my request for you to forgive me.
By asking you to do that, I am shifting the responsibility of forgiveness from myself onto you, and even if you do declare sincerely that you have forgiven me, I may by that time have forgotten the necessity of forgiving myself and moved on without having addressed the issue in a positive manner. On the same note, I now understand why you sometimes asked me why I was obsessively confessing to you of all my addiction screw-ups: I realize now, it seems I was abusing your acceptance of me, meanwhile forgetting that these problems will never resolve until I do the acceptance myself first, thereby. That is not to say that your acceptance is harmful, but rather that I was doing something wrong in principal - that is to rely on othes' kindness to justify my cruelty toward myself (which inevitably backfires to see me hurting those whose kindness I have abused).
...
If you don't mind, I would actually value your opinion or criticism of this conclusion. It is presented to me as a moment of clarity, however I believe that doubting one's sanity every once in a while seems to be healthy practice
. I ask this because you of all the people in my life seem to have the most insight regarding projection and shifting responsibility. No pressure to do so if you don't feel like it, though.
I really do hope I see both you and Victoria soon..."
----
And if anyone on here has input, I will appreciate it as well. I think it is important to bounce new revelations on others to avoid the error of assuming a revelation is infallible simply because it was a revelation.
As it stands, this seems to be a way to positively work on the damage I have done to myself so that I can become recreated as a better me.
By asking you to do that, I am shifting the responsibility of forgiveness from myself onto you, and even if you do declare sincerely that you have forgiven me, I may by that time have forgotten the necessity of forgiving myself and moved on without having addressed the issue in a positive manner. On the same note, I now understand why you sometimes asked me why I was obsessively confessing to you of all my addiction screw-ups: I realize now, it seems I was abusing your acceptance of me, meanwhile forgetting that these problems will never resolve until I do the acceptance myself first, thereby. That is not to say that your acceptance is harmful, but rather that I was doing something wrong in principal - that is to rely on othes' kindness to justify my cruelty toward myself (which inevitably backfires to see me hurting those whose kindness I have abused).
...
If you don't mind, I would actually value your opinion or criticism of this conclusion. It is presented to me as a moment of clarity, however I believe that doubting one's sanity every once in a while seems to be healthy practice
. I ask this because you of all the people in my life seem to have the most insight regarding projection and shifting responsibility. No pressure to do so if you don't feel like it, though.I really do hope I see both you and Victoria soon..."
----
And if anyone on here has input, I will appreciate it as well
. I think it is important to bounce new revelations on others to avoid the error of assuming a revelation is infallible simply because it was a revelation.As it stands, this seems to be a way to positively work on the damage I have done to myself so that I can become recreated as a better me.
