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An Eccentric’s Fetish in Vodevil (Vaudeville) --revised

Anna Wrecks It

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 10, 2003
Messages
99
I had a wet dream inside a nightmare hours after I had closed my eyes and the coffin had ceased to allow any more light in. A slut..A super vixen that could cultivate the highest level of erotic allure. Her sex appeal, though trashy, was the incarnate of a myth that resonates through vortexes of time and space, from the subconscious to supernal. She aroused minds and engorged many of organs, until one fateful morning I sat feeding pigeons cyanide rice and noticed a corpse curled in a corner where two office buildings joined. I waltzed across the street making sure to stop and twirl so I could smile at the driver who just slammed on his brakes to keep from ruffling my fine suit.
The collection of flesh seemed familiar and a reminiscent scent of semen was in the air. Her chest no longer heaving as I once saw it do, as a matter of fact this adolescent wasn't breathing at all.
This all just inflicted yet another dream...that took place years before, me, this lonesome character found this girl's body. It was myself staring over her body. Remembering the first time I had met her. Before her involvement in drugs, extreme S&M, prostitution, and the whole lifestyle, I aided her in with an introduction to such a world. The days when the air was clean, and sex was still filthy. The days when saying certain words were supposed to make your gums bleed…
An Eccentric’s Fetish in Vodevil (Vaudeville)
The weeks have grown long, hard, and not intoxicated at all with any form of absinth. I’ve been in this bored room this past month trying to continually explain the difference between a night club and a night stick to a pile of idiots, who for the life of them could not see the connection betwixt the moustache of Dali and the “mustache” of Nietzsche. I’ve grown weary and shoved all this dirt back in my mouth, for I realize my philosophies get me nowhere with any of these faux witch doktor professors. They do tickle my fancy among many other things and I’ve learned to stop our debates with these so-called superiors when need be, I never look a judge in the mouth unless his gift is a book about horses.
So with wants of dames and dolls and the excitement of para-noir, I figure its time to end this intermezzo and exercise my audio sense before the ringing musical celluloid in the canal turns to cellulite. Humming the tune of the underworld’s voix de ville, I begin to take pride in my vulgarity as I garb my limbs and paint my face until I look like a work of art in itself, or a businessman who has too many other women, whichever you prefer to label this jack-a-dandy style I’ve sculpted out of myself. Buttoned down and top hat tilted, I’m exiting this central nervous system and off to the ballroom, it is time to be nailed the wrecking ball of a waltz.
The stage is set, lights dimmed.
The audience well lubricated by their fermented liquid, most preferably in martini glasses with each individual's preference of however many olives they want. I myself feel nature calling, now whether that's due to alcohol consumption or the anticipation of the show about to start, I cannot tell. But I'd tolerate the texture of a soaked pinstriped pants and the scent of my urine lingering in the air with the likes of my fluttering cigarette smoke and the gypsy incense burning throughout the joint, if it meant I would not miss a second of the upcoming display. I squirm in my seat to readjust like a child in a pew on Sunday morning with better things to do.
And finally, that velvet cake curtain is drawn back and the host of the evening sensationally proclaims
“A little introduction to my side show tent, please take your time to understand all of these hymns of broken hymens and hurl plenty of vegetables at my stage...with a rose in my teeth and sitting hip deep in a compost heap, I am thankful for all you have to say. Though I’m sure you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll cum, and maybe pass a little gas. It'll all be over before you know it, then you'll slap me and ask what the fuck was all that ruckus was for. No need for Lietz in this Cam-era, but prepare yourself for the pictureske ruins of the Aktion. Enjoy the obsequy of art ladies and gents!"
Just to disappear and to allow the spotlight to drop down to reveal the icing. A voluptuous too-young-to-know-better-buxom-bombshell-blond. The band I know is attempting a dramatic classical introduction, just to roll into today's modern sound of the new Negro jazz, but I care not for what is audible at this junction. Tonight I give praise to the gods for the gift of sight. Slowly, and sloppily seductively, the new coming wanna be vaudeville dancer breaching into this underworld of the burleske and groteske begins her dance/act. To aid my displeasure with a rotten start, the pace quickens and her struts, trots, and strides grow more fluid and natural. With every turn, bend, and presentation of flexibility I fathom the various positions she could be slaved into with the fear of pain.
Something is innocent about her, I notice, as she removes layer after layer of her excess extravagant get-up. Down to satin gloves, pasties, stockings, and a petticoat (that is shed within another 2 minutes). Intriguing how a feminine character, so undefined and well designed, can stimulate a psyche by her every movement, revealing a personality that lies somewhere between feathers and leather. The glamorous glitter blinds like diamonds capturing an eclipse, a holy light refracting off those one-day-will-lactate-mammaries.
She swings by tables making dates be more watchful of their men as she fogs their bi-focals and loosens their ties, while some of the wives and accompanying courtesans secretly touch themselves and blush til their cheeks matches their rouge in a bi-sexual shame. Kicking her legs in patterned out numbers. Legs. Legs that only age can make that refined. Legs only youth can vouch for their flawlessness.
As this Shirley Temple dominatrix, (or Betty Page virgin- whichever way you see it), gallops her heals and lashes in my direction. I, yet again, squirm in my seat. But not out of a need for restroom facilities. With one deep inhale off a cigarette and a martini moistening my throat, I reclaim my demonically demure composure. Her buttocks propped up on my table, her lashes flutter, and wanton lips pout and part. And if I had the power of the creator of these extra ribs constructed into the originators of abortion cribs, I’d be the second hand on a cuckoo clock, grabbing a feather and yelling STOP!
This innocent little girl has already mastered the marketing tease of a bordello resident. A professional magnet apt in stimulating an organ with a rush of blood, oxygen, and alcohol that is the most difficult to erotically errect..my mind.
She drops a card in my coat pocket with a kiss on the cheek and a brush of cleavage, and I, a piece of currency in her stockings. She turns, and in a ballet step, dances backs to the stage.
She takes her bows and at last, the curtain drops. The slut garden of an audience, horny and excited, gives a barroom bred with an opera concert applause. Amused that she received the music of applause, though boo’s are beautiful when harmonized, I watch this monkey-meat-for-brains crowd make their exodus in couples in the mood for copulating and singles knowing baby oil is in their near future and with the rise of this m-obscene, I know it is time to go.
I glance at the card, and in a schoolgirl script, a phone number is listed. With more than a shroud of doubt that this maidenhead could actually want to be deflowered by a sexual deviant such as I, that this boss pussy has lost her keys and I’m the lucky cocksmith. Standing, straightening my suit, tossing my top hat back on and with cane in hand, I begin the stroll home. Lethargic and ready for bed, I tip toe down these New Orleans’s konkrete streets wondering if I could be this dove's incubus or her, my succubus. Cracking a smile, I finally let my bladder release down my leg, and finish my walk home in high spirits. Joyous with the knowledge that by next nightfall I may have plowed something sacred. That I, this Pope, this histrion of fashion and etiquette, will find a release in ravishing skin that is a neo-milky-Victorian crème and bloodying such beautiful entrails. Now that the rabbit has pulled me into the hat, I’m happy enough to sing in the rain, but sleeping in it would suffice, for I am a dog who loves his fleas. I am the mental infection who plucks pedals for the wound, succumbing to the tyranny of the taste and now my mouth waters for the plunders of tomorrow night.
 
he's a quote from an original critique of the first time i wrote it... i'll reply personally to you in a bit.. thanx..much appreciated..
AmmutTheDevourer
Bluelighter
posted 12 December 2002 02:14 (ip) ()
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Ok here it goes.... I sat down a read both of your peices, I enjoyed them both. The first one I read I looked at it and tried to understand the whole moral meaning hidden message whatever you might suppose be there. But then again there might not be anything there at all just a mere rambling from a sex deprived man. I am only playing but when you read it that is the feeling I gathered from it.
Now what really caught my attention in the whole peice was the pigeons.... this man whom you refer to as "he" but also as "I" (which was all really confusing at first) seems to be sitting feeding these pigeons.... but what he is doing, so simple the scene yet how horrid in what was truly his motive. Seems to resemble what went on later in your story with the girl and her dancing slipping the card in his pocket..... sealing her own fate her own death. As you say that it was this man who introduced her to such a world.
quote:
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wet dream inside a nightmare
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in this bit you seem to say that this is a dream..... a sexual nightmare. When i read this and the senteces which followed describing the girl... it seemed to me that it wasn't a dream and in some way fucked up twisted way the man looked at all that had happened as some show some play. That he himself was involved in the daeth of the girl.
quote:
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Visible garters..left one not connected..
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Here when you wrote about her garters you worded in the way which before you wrote "left one not connected" the word "he" or "I" could be placed before it. Thus it saying"I left one not connected" I dunno maybe I am just crazy but I enjoy peeling your work apart and making you explain something that you too did not see.
quote:
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I waltzed across the street making sure to stop and twirl so I could smile at the driver who just slammed on his brakes to keep from ruffling my fine suit.
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His awareness of himself and no concern of the girl showed that he was amused with the scene. The whole reference I made to the him seeing it as a play would be when u wrote
quote:
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a sideshow for all passersby
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Once again it showed that he was pleased that all could see what had happened, maybe not pleased but not disturbed by it. Then later you go on to explain that this girl is innocent and that the character is proud to be the one chosen to "deflower" her. I find this funny since the only reason she is so called innocent is because the character sees her that way. He wants her that way.... I enjoyed this peice, but how you said "the piece was more about my, and the male, aggression than any thing else" I would have to disagree with you (funny how i seems to disagree yet you are the writer) it shows the digusting pleasures and things called taboo that the human race in general denies ever having pleasure in. I believe it showed more on how we are all sick in our own ways yet we still deny it to everyone and ourselves.....
Ok I can go on and on and on and you know what I could completely disect all of your work and point out contradictions and hidden messages but it would take entirely to much time... so you know what I'll just call you now I wonder if what i wrote even makes any sense oh well it doesn't have to I suppose
*Ammut*
[ 12 December 2002: Message edited by: AmmutTheDevourer
 
too much unnecessary melodrama... now is that a critic of the writing, or the thread? ;)
deja vu 8)
 
*checks watch* ok, i have exactly 45 minutes before my class starts. i hope i can get through this whole reply.
First of all, anna wrecks it, you did ask for criticism. You got it. I'll post my own as soon as respond to some other points. I dont need to tell you guys to keep the drama out of this. souny, you disagree ... that's fine, but lets leave it there. This post has the potential to really turn into an interest debate or whatever you want to call it, but as soon as this develops into a flame-war between the 2 of you, i'm going to close it. And that would be a shame. You both have a right to your opinion -- as mod, i just ask you to argue it civilly. No name-calling.
Now that that's out of the way....
First, on your writing itself,
like someone asking you to color within the lines and you ask "what lines?" but it results in people not totally grasping what's going on too..soo its good and bad.. i will work on it in my revision, but i don't think i'll push the issue too hard, i don't want structure to take away from my freedom..
you said it perfectly here. You dont need to justify your writing. it's your style. and i give you props for that.
When I first started reading this, I have to admit, I didn't even finish it. Intellectually, you lost me, and I consider myself to be a pretty intelligent person. You write on such an abstract level that i think its probably difficult for a lot of people to be able to follow this... and maybe that's why not a whole lot of people in this forum have yet replied to it. I was literally, exhausted and confused after reading it. I forced myself to finish it b/c I had to get down to the basis of where this flame-war was leading, and I wanted to see both sides from an unbiased p.o.v. But as far as the piece itself... it couldn't hold enough meaning for me to give you any criticism on the subject matter, only b/c you relate it to a LOT of things I am totally unfamiliar with, and quite frankly, have no real interest in, and you write with such profoundness that i found myself more trying to figure out what exactly you were saying, or what you were making references to, that i sort of, lost the plot. If i have to go back and reread a piece over and over to get meaning out of it, normally i either don't get it at all, or else i get something totally different than what's intended from it. i dont want to be judgemental, so i didn't form an opinion of the story itself at all. You know what you meant, i have no clue. I'm not going to take that any further. It's just not my proverbial cup of tea.
But as far as criticism, souny replied with a lot of the same feelings i had and probably expressed them better than i could so i'll just quote them,
after this initial statement, defining the point of your piece as the SIMPLICITY of sexual perversion, you went on to associate it with 'the facism of th(e) time', deciding for some reason (i know you explained it but it's still a little bit beyond me) to change your c's to k's in an attempt at some kind of profound statement that i'm sure (without your detailed explanations above) no-one would begin to understand.
... agreed. i wouldn't have caught onto that either. i deemed you too intelligent not to know you were misspelling some words, but thought you wrote them that way simply for effect. i didn't know there was some abstract underlying meaning.
that is something that occured to me while reading your response, you have a large amount of meaning in what you're saying but you express it in SUCH a cryptic way that it becomes difficult to understand
would i be placating myself by saying that about 98% of this was WAY THE HELL over my head? lol. maybe to someone with a better knowledge of the subject matter to which you are referring (the time period, the culture, etc.) it wouldn't be quite as "cryptic", but to me, it seemed there were references and metaphors flying left and right that just weren't hitting home. so cryptic, maybe... too abstract, perhaps.
i tried to read the piece when you first posted it, but couldn't get through it because i got to points like this and went backwards and forewards over the words, struggling for any meaning.
same here.
you seem to have taken an old saying and re-arranged it - not to the stories advantage - but actually rendering it meaningless again like you have done with phrases\sayings a couple of times in the piece...
i wouldn't go as far as to say you've rendered it meaningless, but perhaps, detracted from the intended meaning, made it less effective, confused it for the reader. made me stop and go "huh?"
"happy enough to sing in the rain... but sleeping in it would suffice..
... i couldn't put my finger on this one either.
"And if I had the power of the creator of these extra ribs constructed into the originators of abortion cribs, I’d be the second hand on a cuckoo clock, grabbing a feather and yelling STOP!"
...or this
"I never look a judge in the mouth unless his gift is a book about horses"
...see above comment
Now from a more positive perspective, i think this piece, as well as the rest of your writing, really has a FUCKLOAD of potential, but not unaided. If you want to limit yourself to a certain audience, then maybe this piece is ok as it is... but the moment you want to put it out there for the general audience, you have to take some things into perspective. Once you go out on a limb and explain your piece, segment by segment, what it is referencing, how your thoughts relate to it, and what exactly you ARE trying to say (such as in your replies, which you explained very well), then it starts to make a lot more sense.... Maybe you would consider making the "explanation" a part of the piece itself... like a prologue or an epilogue or whatever... example... the movie "Jacob's Ladder"... i must have watched it 15 times and still couldn't figure out exactly what was going on. But i still thought it was a really good movie. Once i bought the DVD and watched the director's commentary, and came to understand it, the movie became THAT MUCH BETTER, that much more meaningful. That's kinda what I had to do with your piece... that's not a bad thing, its just difficult for some people, myself included. i cant enjoy something that i cant fully understand. call me simple...
At any rate, I look forward to reading more of your work. Hopefully i'll be able to better relate to other pieces of yours. This one just left me dangling at the first couple sentences. But i really truly and honestly ADMIRE your word choice. If say, every couple of sentences were like ONE of your carefully thought-out obscure sentences, filled in with easier-reading in between, maybe i would have liked it better. But it seemed like you tried to make a statement with like, every single sentence, and it was just too hard to follow. (for me)
But all the same, nice work. I'm not going to tell you to change a thing.. you said you wrote this pretty much for your own pleasure, and i'm sure you have accomplished that. i'll refer you once more to my original quote:
like someone asking you to color within the lines and you ask "what lines?" but it results in people not totally grasping what's going on too..soo its good and bad.. i will work on it in my revision, but i don't think i'll push the issue too hard, i don't want structure to take away from my freedom..
...that's your style. don't let anyone tell you its wrong. if there were boundaries in writing, it would be very uninteresting. you go above and beyond every boundary i know... and that's fine. i dont force people to like what i read, its only for my personal satisfaction too. so on that note, i'll end this.
// end huge long reply
 
btw, just a friendly reminder that "aliases" are not allowed on Bluelight. It could get you banned so you might want to pick a screenname and stick with it. just giving you a heads-up on that one... :)
 
^^ and if nothing else youve got three related works on here all under diferent names.. itd make it kind of hard to follow for someone who hasnt been concentrating on this little saga..
 
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