Garbage said:
obviously we are far from that state now, however im curious as to your thoughts on the balance of life. forgive me as im bad with putting feelings into words but our worlds current state kind of contradicts how i view the end result or goal in life (to be complete). for instance you had this revolution, and i read your report and understand it to the best of my ability and agree that its a blatent truth. however as you said alot of poeple dont want to see the truth and just skimmed right through the report...black/white...up/down, a general imbalance in consciousness/life, even in TIME. i see life events as kind of like an inter-twined ball of yarn, the whole ball being life as "complete" or just "existing". what i dont get is how time works into it, if we were to ever become as a whole truely "perfect", wouldnt we technicly be in that state right now...or have we always been? is it useless to think we could ever achieve this? would we even be here right now if it were possible? i think time is a result of this imbalance of consciousness...no?
Alright, I think I've got this. You're saying that the end goal of life is to reach perfection, perfection being the state of life that I described in this report. But you're also saying that the world is not perfect. This is totally agree with, yes. At least at this point in time.
I also see life, the universe, and everything as something like an intertwined ball of yarn, all wrapped up together into perfection. You see, time is another of the dimensions that makes up all of existence, so despite the fact that we as physical beings are forced to exist in one slice of it at a time, giving the illusion that it's distinct from other points in time, in reality time is a solid continuum just like the physical dimensions of existence are, and just because we cannot see the future doesn't mean it isn't there. In fact, all of our thoughts and actions are tied up perfectly within this ball of yarn. Our past makes us who we are today, which drives us to act in certain ways at certain points in time. Regardless of what any of us do, the future is determined. However, we must all still do what we feel is right, because those actions are what are tied up in the ball of yarn that lead to this future. It's just another of those two-sided coin issues. Do we make the future because of our actions, or are our actions happening because of the past and future?
Which brings me to my next point. If perfection is going to be reached, then the universe is already perfect, and it just requires a whole history of temporary imperfection to reach that perfection, when we're stuck in the illusion of linear time. I don't claim to know the answer, as I am a human and am not privy to the future yet, but it seems to me that either the universe is perfect. In the same way that you might say it is impossible to feel joy without pain, good times without bad, I think it is impossible to claim perfection without first having to work through imperfection. it may be that, like everything else, perfection approaches infinity, and that all dimensions including time are infinite, so that we will in effect only ever approach perfection the longer and longer time goes on for. In that case we would reach it only as we rejoined the whole of existence and ceased to be separate and physical. Once we do that, we transcend linear time and perfection is realized.
Look! The snake's eating its own tail!
Now, for an update:
It's been close to a week since this trip, and I haven't used anything psychedelic since. The active euphoria I had is still within me, but it takes a definite effort to bring it to the intensity level I have been experiencing for the past few months. I can generate it when I want to, but it requires some work to maintain and right now, for example, it's just a small buzz within myself. I definitely feel the compulsion to use them, but it's easily pushed aside whenever I think about this experience.
Yesterday (Sunday), I went to church at a great Methodist church, as I do every week because my girlfriend is their pianist and I joined the choir, originally very grdugingly because she wanted company in the job. My joining, along with every other aspect of my life and event in my life's past, I realize as synchonicity, as important steps in taking me to my current place in life. This past church service was absolutely perfect for the recent events in my life. The title of the service was "Commitment Sunday", and it came at the end, on the final day, of a program called "40 Days of Transformation", which coincdentally started right after a pivotal trip the night before, 40 days ago, when I really started to actively put these thoughts into motion. Now, I'm not a Christian (although I think that Jesus was a great guy indeed who was trying to spread the love as well, and who would be offended at the current state of Christianity), but this church is pretty much the best example of Christianity I've ever been a part of. These people are just such good people, such spiritual people, who have the same goal as me, which is to make the lives of everyone they can reach better. Throughout this service, everything said rang so close to my heart. I was nearly in tears the entire service, just totally overwhelmed with love and happiness and almost a shock at how perfect it all lines up, all the time. For example, here was the anthem we sang. Other than a few lines brought about by centuries of social control built into the religion, it was perfect and very personal:
Here am I, send me
Show the path that I must walk
Compel me then to go
And if I stray
bring back the light of day
For here am I, send me I pray
Send me to be
What's created in me
Formed in your image I stand
Turn my weakness into your power
Power to be at last what I'm able to be
Here am I, send me
Precious holy spirit come, fill me anew
Give me wisdom, send me strength
Grant that I may be
A mirror of your neverending love
For here am I, send me I pray
I've come to realize that this step in my life must be taken for me to become everything I'm supposed to become. I've been using drugs for years to make myself understand what it is I'm supposed to become, but at the same time they're keeping me from acting on it. Among other things, I can't keep spending money on drugs, because I don't save any when I do. I need to save money because I'm getting married and I've got lots of things to pay for, and I need to buy my first house so I can start to build my financial value, because in this society money is necessary to be influential, and I feel that I need to become influential so that I can spread this ideal around more effectively. Fortunately my fiance and I came up with a plan and if we stick to a strict budget, we can have our first house in 6 months. Exciting times!
I realize that I'm already in somewhat of a position of influence by being a recognizable figure in the Internet psychedelic community. But that's not enough. I should be more than that (although I won't be leaving this community, either, as it brings me a lot of joy and allows me opportunities to return that joy).
So, anyway, there's what's been going on since this experience. I continue to absorb the experience, almost constantly. I'm also getting off of my minor kratom addiction, because there's no reason for me to still have it and it costs me too much in terms of money and emotional instability from time-to-time. It shouldn't be a problem because I'm very motivated and frankly, I've already fully withdrawn from it 4 times in the past and it's been considerably easier each time.
Some final thoughts:
Someone of you brought up the point that love may not be the natural state of existence. Do I think it is? I'm not sure. But I do know that it
could be. There may be a big change coming. More people than just I have been sensing a rapid acceleration of something over the past few years. As far as I can tell, this acceleration is getting faster and faster. It is inevitable that at some point we will be forced into a drastic change. Whatever is going on in the world today is not working. This is why I feel it is so important to actively try to spread as much love around as possible, because it is possible as far as I can tell to cause that change to be in the positive direction. Something is coming, so let's try our best to make sure that something is a good thing.
Finally, I could continue to use psychedelics often, and I think I'd have an extremely happy and mentally/emotionally productive life. However, I've become so enamored with them that they're causing me to stagnate. Sitting around tripping may indeed produce a fulfilling personal life and may indeed spread plenty of positivity throughout the universe. However, I know that my potential will not be reached. There is no action when I rely on drugs for change. I can just get more out of sobriety than out of continuing to overuse psychedelics. The only thing I still feel conflicted about is AMT. AMT, for me, is an extremely special substance that doesn't twist my mind up at all, but rather clears it, clarifies it. I feel that when I take AMT, it makes it effortless to live the kind of life I'm advocating here. In fact, AMT had a very large part in making me who I am right now. Its aftereffects linger on for up to a week and act as a sort of spiritual antidepressant, maintaining my glowing euphoria and motivation throughout the week after the experience and especially throughout the duration of the effects and the immediate two days afterwards. I feel that if I continued to use it weekly, it may have nothing but a positive impact on me (other than its monetary cost). But I know that I need to try without it, which is what I'm doing. Relying on something external for happiness is a slippery slope indeed.
... Hopefully!
I can't stand how here in Florida people call everything highgrade, or "kind bud," or whatever, when it's really just common mids. 8)
