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Amphibian.

Raz

Raz

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 11, 2002
Messages
7,329
Location
In an igloo made of asbestos and chicken-wire.
I lived underwater until I met you.

I'd never felt the warm sun on my face or the tickle of breeze on wet skin. Life was a muted adventure, all slow motion and beauty that takes time to unfold.

You told me I was drowning.

You took me to the surface.

You promised me poems.

********************
********************

Breathing was a new sound to me then. It never occurred to me that life makes a noise as it rushes past your teeth in excitement. I never realised that you can hear an orgasm.

I never knew that sounds could be sharp.

I didn't know that pain can come from those you trust.

I found out how quickly things can change.

********************
********************

I tried to go back there, you know.

I threw myself into the ocean again and again, and all it made me was cold. It never made me home. So I wander the surface, a stranger to this world of gravity, and I look for someone to replace that missing element you introduced. The element you stole back.

Help me understand the little that I know.

********************
********************
 
i *really* like this :)

i generally like things that are kinda disjointed, as i think (if done correctly, like this) they're a helluva lot more interesting than the normal a-b/a-b rhyming structure. i love the line "life was a muted adventure" too, using that in the first *part* (stanza??) is perfect, and there's very much a journey through this - sorry that it seems to end (sorta) badly (well, that's what i gather), but it also seems to be sorta positive in a weird kinda way. make sense?

i like it A LOT!! =D

/me saves thread
 
Last edited:
onetwothreefour said:
i *really* like this :)

i generally like things that are kinda disjointed, as i think (if done correctly, like this) they're a helluva lot more interesting than the normal a-b/a-b rhyming structure. i love the line "life was a muted adventure" too, using that in the first *part* (stanza??) is perfect, and there's very much a journey through this - sorry that it seems to end (sorta) badly (well, that's what i gather), but it also seems to be sorta positive in a weird kinda way. make sense?

i like it A LOT!! =D

/me saves thread
Click to expand...

Thanks dude (and Kits also) :)

That's exactly it...the idea is basically that things were terrible before, then you find someone who shows you they can be better. Then that falls apart, but you can't really go back to the safety of who you were before because you know you have the potential to be so much more than that now...so it was meant to be kind of bittersweet...growing is good, but sometimes it hurts. :)

I'm glad you got it...

--Raz-- :)
 
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