Snowy_Hell
Bluelighter
First off, this could be a trip report but is also a bit of a rant, so beware.
Here's some relevant musical background available:
So In the past, I was doing massive amounts of amphetamines, including MDMA, and was taking it relatively well physically, but not at all psychically. Regardless, compulsive devil inside me found a way to justify every binge with noble causes like, getting a job, and working for a single day carrying building site's waste. But every noble start ended up with debauchery to say the least, and it would go on for a week, and back then, I could actually sleep about 4 hours at the end of the week, then next day, I could sleep for longer until some 3rd or 4th day I'd sleep for 16 or recently, 27 hours though that was after 3 days of wanking and workouts, 400mg Promazine, 60mg Flurazepam, 10mg Zyprexa, 1 daily dose of B-vitamin complex, 3mg melatonin and a ton of fat weed with a big, 2.5 dL ceramic mug of red wine
sweetened with a teaspoon of sugar. So i could both take it, and enjoy it more than anything I can today, two years later. Years that seem to have passed as quickly as days would. Whenever I'd experience the slow-down, the depressive parts of my schizoaffective disorder, there would be a noble cause involving speed. Then binging, and good parts of experience on speed quickly vanished, leaving me just with ability to wank for a week. But that was enough to trick my reason from recognising catastrophic realities of my past and present life, with terror of the future as only available feeling, if you can call it that, because it is just a hole where hope should be. So, dangers of neurotoxicity and pains of acute withdrawal weren't of the issue.
I once got carried away by a dog porn (that's where hypersexuality led me) that I've snorted 5g in 8 hours, making my gingiva white, and dick microscopic. I'd wear away my lips with toothpicks. Waxy-white skin with red spots and acne, around crazed eyes, deep in the craters of black under-eyes. Oily sweat like thousand diamonds on my face.
However, I've taxed my brain to the max, having about an hour ago, a "slip of the reality" as I'll explain onward. So I've fucked my brain enough for it to lose the grip over elementary impulses. Fear is the most powerful, anger follows. I just have to do entheogens instead, for a year, at least. Eat some fine Russian nootropics
. I think that I'am finally in a phase where I cannot do more speed and not go schizophrenic permanently. Today, I've intra-nasally done about 250mg of speed in the noon, then got wasted on weird weed, then did another 300mg of speed, then reality became elusive the way thoughts can wonder off. I got lost in perception, fighting my way through darker areas of streets like through a maze, as every darker visual area became said maze of all remembered sensations, reassembled as fear and lust commanded them to do. Very tempting and attention-stealing. Also, easily horrifying, making me tune up the music from presented links, for its focusing properties. Now that I stare at the bright screen, I can focus. Anyway, good bye, speed. It's been nice, but this is the end of the line, lights are turning off, music stops, everyone is gone. Expensive party, but what a ride!
Thanks for your time.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_amphetamine
substancecode_amphetamines
substancecode_stimulants
explevel_experienced
explevel_retrospective
exptype_negative
exptype_healthissues
exptype_addiction
roacode_nasal
Here's some relevant musical background available:
So In the past, I was doing massive amounts of amphetamines, including MDMA, and was taking it relatively well physically, but not at all psychically. Regardless, compulsive devil inside me found a way to justify every binge with noble causes like, getting a job, and working for a single day carrying building site's waste. But every noble start ended up with debauchery to say the least, and it would go on for a week, and back then, I could actually sleep about 4 hours at the end of the week, then next day, I could sleep for longer until some 3rd or 4th day I'd sleep for 16 or recently, 27 hours though that was after 3 days of wanking and workouts, 400mg Promazine, 60mg Flurazepam, 10mg Zyprexa, 1 daily dose of B-vitamin complex, 3mg melatonin and a ton of fat weed with a big, 2.5 dL ceramic mug of red wine


However, I've taxed my brain to the max, having about an hour ago, a "slip of the reality" as I'll explain onward. So I've fucked my brain enough for it to lose the grip over elementary impulses. Fear is the most powerful, anger follows. I just have to do entheogens instead, for a year, at least. Eat some fine Russian nootropics

Thanks for your time.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_amphetamine
substancecode_amphetamines
substancecode_stimulants
explevel_experienced
explevel_retrospective
exptype_negative
exptype_healthissues
exptype_addiction
roacode_nasal
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