Ambivalence
do you hate me love? i wonder
what i did that hurt you
most. i repaid you
all owed objects and sums
often not in time
or withheld like attention,
but i tried. i'm convinced
i can forget how i
have seen you: brilliant
stunning, i'm struck dumb
when i think of you now
i darken. i delight
in ideals; we reached
yours and stopped, or
you did. i slid past
tense over you, tied down
and up, unsure of direction.
do i hate you love? i wonder
what you did that hurt me most.
i expect this, that
you give me as i gave you,
the effortlessness of failure
too attractive to just
pretend. i pushed
hard and sent you
where you should have been
then placed you
in despair; don't wonder,
it's ended. confusion
is a coal and an ember
an infection, a token
that i've left, that i'm never
coming to claim.
spinkle 2004
do you hate me love? i wonder
what i did that hurt you
most. i repaid you
all owed objects and sums
often not in time
or withheld like attention,
but i tried. i'm convinced
i can forget how i
have seen you: brilliant
stunning, i'm struck dumb
when i think of you now
i darken. i delight
in ideals; we reached
yours and stopped, or
you did. i slid past
tense over you, tied down
and up, unsure of direction.
do i hate you love? i wonder
what you did that hurt me most.
i expect this, that
you give me as i gave you,
the effortlessness of failure
too attractive to just
pretend. i pushed
hard and sent you
where you should have been
then placed you
in despair; don't wonder,
it's ended. confusion
is a coal and an ember
an infection, a token
that i've left, that i'm never
coming to claim.
spinkle 2004
this has been a great couple weeks for me, i feel extremely blessed to have been writing as much as i have. the goal is a poem per day...
*hugs*