• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Mental Health Am I too young?

Chemical Obsession

Chemical Obsession

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 2, 2015
Messages
33
Location
In a galaxy far, far away...
Hello all,
To start off, I am 15 years old and I have experiences NBOMe, LSD, Methamphetamine, marijuana, oxycodone, hydrocodone, codeine, alprozam, klonopin, phenibut, salvia, kratom, Ambien, soma, and many more I cant think of...

I fear I may have caused permanent brain damage and have recently been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Almost every day I wake up wishing I could go back to sleep and never wake up. I have suicidal thoughts a lot of times... I think the only thing that keeps me from killing myself is the people around me it would affect as I see myself as a waste of a human being and a fuck up.

I have a very addictive personality and fear I may end up physically addicted to drugs, as I am already mentally addicted to anything recreational. I have lately been turning to alcohol and benzo's for my anxiety and about a week ago I was on a high dose of benzos, I fell asleep and when my mom tried to wake me up I wouldn't wake up, I'm not sure how much I took because of amnesia.

Do you think I will permanently be fucked up? The drugs I believe are the culprit to this are methamphetamine which I have done once a year and a half ago and NBOMe...

Also, when did you start using hard drugs? How is your current mental state? Any replys are greatly appreciated! Thank you!
 
Are you allowed to be using this site at your age?

Maybe try lay off the drugs a bit and see if your anxiety wanes.
 
What will "permanently fuck you up" is not dealing with the root cause of why you have what you are calling an addictive personality. Maybe making it your goal to understand the factors that make you so unhappy with your actual life should be your focus. Give yourself a chance to develop as an adult without drugs. There is nothing unhealthy about the desire to change one's consciousness but there is everything unhealthy about not knowing how to moderate your own desires (this applies to a lot more than drugs). Right now your brain is still physically developing (and it is no coincidence that it is the part of the brain that regulates impulse for one thing). You are also engaged in the internal process of defining yourself to yourself and thus to the world outside yourself. How you think about your actions is as important as your actions.

I think that you are too young to be doing what you are doing. I am saying that as a person that also did what you did at your age so I speak from personal experience. My twenties were busy being the adolescent that I robbed myself of being when I was one. There is enough angst and fear built into adolescence in our culture without adding drug abuse and dependence or addiction on top of everything else going on. try to turn your need for excitement or adventure into true adventures. Take your craving for deeper meaning and experiences of true connection to activities that will foster those desires. Examine what you are getting from getting high and be creative about finding non-drug ways to provide yourself with what you are looking for. There are plenty of avenues for you out there but you have to go look for them--start with interests you may have but have never truly dedicated yourself to. Eat well, research what you are putting in your body and learn to cook. Get out into nature as much as you can. I'm glad that you came here to post this question but I would really suggest staying off of sites like this as they can be very triggering when you are trying to find non-drug ways to approach life.

PM me if you feel it would help in any way. Good luck to you. It sounds like you have a very good head on your shoulders--take care of it!<3
 
Your mind will always recover if you become sober and eat right/exercise..u are still young and have your whole life ahead of u and you have learned the valuable lesson that drugs only make things worse..take that and find the strength to do right by your mind and body and live a healthier lifestyle..i promise if u stop the drugs and focus on being more positive and optimistic u will feel better in no time..its never as bad as it seems

use this thread (if you are old enough not trying to break rules) to write down your feelings and it will help to get what your feeling out of your head and on the screen.there are plenty of ppl here that bave been thru what u are goin thru and beat the anxiety and depression..ive been there and it fucking sucks but life is a privilege so we need to make the best of it while we are here..u will be okay :)
 
Last edited:
Bluelight does not give notifications, but you can follow threads, or better yet, check your most recent posts my going to your profile and on the left-hand side there with be an option to "view latest posts". That will take you your post history. :)
It really depends on the person, how they are raised, the environment they grow up in.

I never got into any "hard" drugs until I was 15. So, no I really don't think you are too young to experiment.
But like you said, if you have an addictive personality, I'd try to keep use to a minimal

Addiction takes anyone it can get its dark, evil hands on.
 
Thanks for the reply's everyone! You have no idea how incredibly helpful they are. @LSDMDMA&AMP at the time I used methamphetamine I was 13 years old and I stayed up for 2 days without eating/sleeping from one use;no redosing. I just fear that my dopamine receptors are burnt from using meth 1ce and occasional Adderall binging and (ab)using....
 
I think it's the benzos that will really fuck you up. Try laying off them? Because they will really mess with your anxiety and depression..

Also, with a diagnosis like that, you really should be avoiding all drugs right now. Your mind is really fragile, psychologically, and a few moments of artificial happiness is not worth a lifetime of pain.
 
I started using drugs recreational and drinking when i was i believe 12 i don't have any permanent brain damage from it and still have an above average IQ but nothing good ever came from it try to stop this before ur in my situation and are a junkie adult.
 
Obviously that's something I do not want... But drugs are so intriguing, I just cant stop thinking about them. Without them I feel like a part of me is missing as I've been abusing many variety's of drugs for about 3 years straight. Just took a bar of alprozam so I'm gonna K.O.
 
One thing I regret from my teen years is that I didn't respect drugs. The route you're going won't lead to anything good, but unfortunately it seems most people have to learn it themselves.
 
Yeah I'm glad I waited until my brain was more fully formed I didn't start using until I was about 19. I still have problems with addiction but it's more like a bad habit and due more to my mental illnesses than anything. I've never let any substance effect me to the point where I steal, or lie or miss work, etc. Even in the midst of severe opiate use if I have to do something important I'll stop using immediately and just go through withdrawal.

I don't feel like my brain is dying or memory is getting any worse or anything either.
 
Age is not as important as how mentally developed you are. I know some grown ass adults who are still to 'young' to exepriment with drugs. But only YOU know your body, how strong you really are mentally, and if you're ready for whatever you are considering doing. Use your own intuition and knowledge, if you aren't ready or need to slow down your body will let you know. So be wise, and be safe!
 
Lots of useful advice already.

I would say you probably have a limited amount to worry about at this point. However, I would also add that I started using hard drugs around a similar age to you and things quickly progressed to addictive pattern behaviour for me and heavy abuse followed very quickly (I was injecting ketamine regularly at 16). This has then led to ongoing addiction problems for me, and I definitely feel like I have damaged my cognitive functioning (as do my parents) which I would attribute to using drugs heavily at such a young age. I've also suffered from depression for years, whether this is attributable to drugs I don't know but abusing them hass certainly made the situation more difficult to deal with.

I would honestly recommend holding off from using drugs with any kind of regularity until your brain has developed a bit more. I wish I hadn't got involved so young and had listened to the people that told me I was too young. Fucking with your brain chemistry using powerful chemicals is not great for anyone, especially if that brain is still trying to grow.
 
I still think I would have had an easier time going through the first few years of living with bipolar if I hadn't used drugs as a teenager. I'm remarkably stable and high functioning now, but I maybe could have gotten here sooner and/or not gotten as sick in the first place if I hadn't put everything illicit in my face for five years.
 
Lay off the opiates and benzo's. These to classes of drugs made me a full blown addict at the age of 25. I started smoking weed everyday when I was 14 then took LSD at 15 at 16 was doing meth and MDMA weekly. from my personal experience opiates benzos and weed fucked my life the most. look at your group of friends so many people told me this when I was a teenager if only I had listened.
 
One of the worst parts about addiction in my opinion is that you don't even have to have drugs to be addicted to them. For example, I was obsessed with (well maybe not obsessed with but really interested in) MDMA years before I ever had the chance to do it, at age 19.

Once your brain has been pickled by drug addiction, there is no turning it back into a cucumber.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top