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    Empathogenic
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Am I permanently damaged

Catodion said:
Jesus christ, what's up with the tone of responses in this thread? The kid's 19 year old for fucks sake, he's had a major bad experience, he's going through one of many rough periods of his life so the least you could do is spare him the holier-than-thou attitude that some of you have offered to him.

Collins, now you listen to me, kid. Stay away from drugs from now on. You aren't the kind of person thats cut out for them. Quit drinking alcohol, continue excercising and start eating healthy and vitamin C and E rich food.

Unlike some others, i dont think your situation particularly neccessates medical attention. You probably have anxiety and manic thoughts, that decided to ascribe every possible physical health condition towards this bad experience.
You can see a doctor and preform some tests, if thats going to make you sleep better, depression and anxiety usually disappear with a correct and healthy lifestyle though. I'd wait with the doctors and healthcare.bullsh. if things really dont improve after several months.

Good luck.
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Thanks for the advice. Don't worry, I'll never be touching MDMA again. I can handle weed and alcohol so when I recover, these will be my drugs of choice
 
Of the 100+ times i've dosed mdma, I've never adhered to any rule other than not dosing consecutive days. I don't think that its ALL in your head, but its highly possible that your own anxiety on the issue is compounding the problem. The fact remains that you never can tell exactly what your ingesting unless you send it off to a lab. All you know is what your experience and whomever you got it from has told you.
Someone said something about planning your day, thats great advice. Make a schedule, and stick to it. Ive found that anxiety over "whats going to happen to me" is reduced greatly by getting in a simple routine. I'd also give thought to eliminating ANY chemicals, medications or narcotics that aren't needed to stay alive. I.E. nitroglycerine for heart problems. Give it a little time, try to take it easy, and get a routine going.
This is all IMHO of course.

EDIT: Please don't let my post count or join date fool you. Ive been around for a long time, but after 6 years in a federal pen, I no longer have access to my old account.

On a separate note, when did the board change? :/ green was so much nicer. lol
 
Same here brother...i was reading some previous comments, and fk these guys who are saying it may be in your head/anxiety....the truth is me and colin don't feel anxiety...don't feel happy, sad, excited...we don't feel anything at all lol -.-

Anyways collins, there is hope...i was exchanging messages with 1 person who had the exact same symptoms as you... cognitively, physically he was fine, but he had no libido, felt empty, emotionless and derived no pleasure from life...he said it took him 2 years to feel 'normal'
 
@londonscouser, Im in the same boat because of some mdma abuse(2 times little drunk, 2 times drunk, total dosis varying from 200 to 300-350mg per night.) I dont have any real physical sympthons, more the same like you: emotionless/emptyness , still able to laugh but dont feel the pleasure of it. Even mdma is not working anymore

But I know that in MY case a big part of the problem is anxiety, why? in 2010/2011 ive been in therapy because I was convinced that I had brain damage of drinking every weekend from my 15.5 age, which is quite normal where I live. Everytime I come here and read some negative experiences or stories it triggers my anxiety and gives me thoughts of that i fucked up life. The human brain is also great in fooling you, never forget that.
There are people on the internet reporting exactly the same as you and I, but with a history of no drug use.
I hope we can get out of this man, it really sucks.
Strange I know so many people from where I live who abused it so much harder than me also with alcohol, and just some feel negative side effects..
 
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This doesn't even make sense to me... you took a total of 2 pills in your life... you should be fine. I've done ounces of MDMA and often went on week long benders, did over a gram per night during some of those benders, abused numerous other drugs. And I haven't experienced anything like what you're describing. My dick still works great and I don't have any sexual problems. Doing heroin definitely messed with my libido and erections but after being clean for a week or two I went right back to normal. Any sexual side effects or depression you experienced from MDMA should have lasted no more than a day or two. I think you have something else going on which is unrelated to the MDMA.
 
DeadElvis666 said:
This doesn't even make sense to me... you took a total of 2 pills in your life... you should be fine. I've done ounces of MDMA and often went on week long benders, did over a gram per night during some of those benders, abused numerous other drugs. And I haven't experienced anything like what you're describing. My dick still works great and I don't have any sexual problems. Doing heroin definitely messed with my libido and erections but after being clean for a week or two I went right back to normal. Any sexual side effects or depression you experienced from MDMA should have lasted no more than a day or two. I think you have something else going on which is unrelated to the MDMA.
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Doesn't make sense to me either man. I guess I just have to keep eating healthy and exercising, getting enough sleep etc. and hope everything will fall back into place one day
 
Kl519 said:
Do you have any proof that shows mdma is a neurotoxin? I have read and looked up a lot of info about it, but never found anything reliable or definitive.

There have been huge discussions about this several times already, but you seem to have missed them. I'd explain it myself or link the threads here, but that depends on any further posts. If it's going to fall on deaf ears, I'm not going to waste my time.

Of course, if you have reasoning and proof beyond a reasonable doubt, I'll consider it and look into it more.
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In the words of Neuroscientist Sam Harris, the jury is no longer out on whether MDMA is harmful to serotonin or not. Other types of neurotoxicity have been shown at this point too.

But I think most people actually experience problems after MDMA because of tryptophan hydroxylase issues, that's why I really like to advise 5-HTP + ECGC after rolls (shown to reduce neurotoxicity anyways) but sometimes tryptophan hydroxylase can be downed for months so its important to take it for a while.

Exercise has been shown to increase neurogenesis of serotonin in a very important area of the brain, I really think 30 minutes of exercise every day will have enormous benefit.
 
Cotcha Yankinov said:
In the words of Neuroscientist Sam Harris, the jury is no longer out on whether MDMA is harmful to serotonin or not. Other types of neurotoxicity have been shown at this point too.

But I think most people actually experience problems after MDMA because of tryptophan hydroxylase issues, that's why I really like to advise 5-HTP + ECGC after rolls (shown to reduce neurotoxicity anyways) but sometimes tryptophan hydroxylase can be downed for months so its important to take it for a while.

Exercise has been shown to increase neurogenesis of serotonin in a very important area of the brain, I really think 30 minutes of exercise every day will have enormous benefit.
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MDMA's neurotoxicity is far from proven, there are as many studies showing it has the potential for neurotoxicity as there are contradicting that. Furthermore a big part of the studies confirming it are based on the faulty Ricaurte study or use ludicrous (usually injected) doses to attain any noticeable neurotoxic damage. So yes, the jury is still out, whatever Sam Harris might think. Not saying I have the answer, I am still not convinced either way myself since there aren't any sufficiently fault-proof studies available so far. I have high hopes for the ongoing MDMA trials. In the mean time I try to not form a conclusion either way, since I have no way of knowing
 
I would say damage to the serotonin nerve terminals and axons is fairly certain, but the poison is in the dose. There is evidence that points to neurotoxicity being relevant at recreational doses however, and after all the abstinent human users do have serotonin deficits as well as functional deficits. But like I said I think what really gets to a lot of people is the fallout from the Tryptophan Hydroxylase issues.
 
Cotcha Yankinov said:
I would say damage to the serotonin nerve terminals and axons is fairly certain, but the poison is in the dose. There is evidence that points to neurotoxicity being relevant at recreational doses however, and after all the abstinent human users do have serotonin deficits as well as functional deficits. But like I said I think what really gets to a lot of people is the fallout from the Tryptophan Hydroxylase issues.
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I haven't abused it whatsoever. There are people who have gone much harder at it than me and don't suffer any negative side effects.
 
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colin681996 said:
I haven't abused it whatsoever. There are people who have gone much harder at it than me and don't suffer any negative side effects.
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That's what I don't get. There are people like me who go balls-out with every drug on the planet and then once I got clean and took a few months to let my brain recover, I felt good as new... yet this poor kid has taken 2 pills in his life and he's feeling all fucked up.

I used to party with people who would do like a half ounce of molly every month for years... and aside from a few chipped teeth, their doing fine now... I just don't get it.
 
Like I said, the poison is in the dose. But there do seem to be some people with serotonin transporter mutations who are at increased risk of negative effects.
 
I guess it should be noted that we were all doing lab-grade MDMA that came in big beautiful shards. I'm sure that makes a difference.
 
Well all I can do is try my best to recover. If push comes to shove I can just throw myself off a cliff or some shit
 
On that lovely note I really recommend cardio. But give it time and you'll be back to normal.
 
DeadElvis666 said:
That's what I don't get. There are people like me who go balls-out with every drug on the planet and then once I got clean and took a few months to let my brain recover, I felt good as new... yet this poor kid has taken 2 pills in his life and he's feeling all fucked up.

I used to party with people who would do like a half ounce of molly every month for years... and aside from a few chipped teeth, their doing fine now... I just don't get it.
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. I'm another example of some one who got totally fucked up on my first dose of ecstacy. Arguably I broke all the rules (not that I knew them then). I was drunk, undoubtedly dehydrated and consumed 3 strong pills. (2 of which were given to me by friends which I had no knowledge of and only learnt about the following day), also it was untested. This was 2 plus years ago. Since then I suffer blurred vision, my brain just feels sick and twisted (like its uncomfortably churning), virtual anhedonia (ie can't feel pleasure), libido and dick functioning problems, zero motivation ( I was an ambitious with a successful career before this), terrible depression (which is medication resistant) and constant suicidal thoughts. Basically I'm a total fucking mess and I have tried everything to recover. This is a constant state and does not change.There is no relief - ever. My friends who did the same are obviously fine and also can't fathom what has happened to me. Other than smoking pot (and then then really only a handful of times) this was my fist drug experience. I know I am now fucked for life. You would just need to feel my situation for 5 mins and you would understand. So yes I am amazed and angry that there are so many of you out there who have used and abused drugs without a care in the world and with little if any side effects.

I however have tried it once after literally been debated into giving it a go by my friends (sure I can't deny responsibility for taking the first pill) and my life is seriously ruined. I'm not being dramatic here but am just saying it for what it is. My career and family life has literally been destroyed. It has opened my eyes to a parallel universe of metal health issues which are dark and soul destroying. The world used to be carefree place of possibility, enjoyment, life, sex and happiness. It is now one of constant torment, anguish and suffering. I'm literally in survival mode 24/7. Trying to get through each and every day. Playing mind games to pass the time and try hide from the torment. Like an imposter trapped in an unfamiliar body. I really do dream of death to take me from this hell. After taking the pill on the said evening I have zero memory but I do recall having a burning brain sensation. My lip also swoll up really badly.

So now we have the whole is MDMA neurotoxic debate? As my pill was not tested I suppose you can't really count me in this experient as it could have been any adulterant. But let's assume it was indeed MDMA, I can tell you now that there is absolutely no doubt that for some people it is neurotoxic . Maybe we have some pre disposed vulnerability to it or I had some kind of toxic allergic reaction but after 2 years of speaking to specialist neurologists and psychiatrists it is decident that I had a toxic reaction that has resulted in what seems like a permanent alteration of the way my brain functions. Even the change in my eyesight is characteristic of a TBI (traumatic brain injury). Oh I also failed to mention that in the weeks after the ingestion I was almost bed ridden and thought I was going psychotic. Anyway, neurotoxic or not my life has been fucked by doing something I had seen my friends do literally a thousand times and what I thought would be totally innocuous.
 
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Sorry to hear of your suffering man but I didn't have any of your dramatic symptoms the day after like a swollen lip, feelings of brain burning etc. I remember feeling off for a couple of days, Felt normal again for a week or so and randomly started feeling strange again. My libido problems were also delayed. It only started going to shit around July (which was 2 months after I consumed the pill and a half) I only joined this website in July and before this I kept drinknig not realising that it can effect your recovery and I think it defibitley did mine. I also don't think I've had a fair stretch of consecutive months to allow my brain to recover. I just hope to God that I can get back to normal.
 
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