Heroin Am I lyin?

[DooMMooD]

I totally disagree about it being a willpower thing. You give a dope addict the right set and circumstances and they're going to use.

Tricomb you've got X amount of time clean, but i fyou get one day where depression/desire to use/and circumstances present where you are around heroin, you will use again plain and simple, despite willpower or not. You need tools on top of that. I"m sure theres something you DO when you want to use tricomb, and that isn't willpower, thats substituting a negative addiction for a positive one.

Wanna know what I do now when i wanna use? work out. Its like a natural reaction at this point. You need something to be your natural reaction to these feelings. your current natural reaction is: get high (heroin). You must rewire your brain and it will take a lot of hard work/determination, past will power.

 

[Swimmingdancer]

I definitely see where you're coming from DooMMooD, it's tricky thing to discuss. Someone who is addicted does not have less willpower than someone who isn't, it's a very complex thing and involves real physiological brain stuff; willpower alone is not enough to quit. But I took tricomb's statement about "willpower" to refer to realizing that it doesn't have to be an instant reaction, you do have the power to choose not to act on your cravings. You can re-train your brain. Another thing is that for some people when they are truly ready to quit, it's like a switch flips and it suddenly becomes a lot easier. And the longer someone goes without using the easier it gets, it's not as simple as just having a strong willpower.

It doesn't need to involve substituting an unhealthy addiction with a more healthy addiction though, although that can be useful, especially early on. You can choose to do other things instead of using, to distract yourself until the craving passes, but the thing you choose to do doesn't itself have to be an addiction.

I think real and major changes in one's life and way of thinking are necessary in order to quit an addiction. Thinking of oneself as empowered and able to choose, instead of just a victim who has no choice but to use, can be just one of those changes.

 

[DooMMooD]

Thats what I'm saying. And willpower is DEFINITELY A PART ( i mean it takes will to wake up every day and not use heroin lets be real) i'm just saying willpower can and does run out given the right set of circumstances. You catch an addict at their weakest and willpower doesn't mean a whole lot, i'm sure you know that.

And when I said switch for one addiction I mean what youre saying: other activities. It doesn't have to be an addiction itself, it just has to replace your addictive behaviors/actions (which will thereby kinda be like a new addiction but you could spin that either way to say its not).

Definitely are empowered, just my point is a person fresh into recovery is gonna need a LOT MORE THAN WILLPOWER. We are not exactly at our strongest when we first kick heroin and to think that they can just will themselves clean without ANYTHING ELSE is foolish at best. Got someone with 4 days clean? Its not a good idea to put them around people shooting up and bundles of skag, idc how good you think their willpower is they will cave.

 

[jarlaxle117]

story of every1 with a needle in thier arms life. u get clean for a bit then its oh well 1 time wont hurt. then its off to the races till ur broke and lost everything u worked for while u were clean. U must learn what triggers you, spoons are a huge trigger for me and once ive made that split second decision to use wether its hell or high water im gonna score, try methadone it works decently

 

[JohnnyGrease]

You guys are great.
Its been 8 days without a needle. Im smoking a lot of pot and Ive done a couple of CWE's on some Percs but man I want dope real bad.
Look, I know Im an addict; that's pretty fuckin clear I think, yeah? But Im not a junkie. Im not willing to do stupid shit like hitting the Mission in downtown and asking homeless guys to score for me(that is the problem; I cant find anyone who sells anymore, both of my contacts have vanished), or going into neighborhoods that I don't belong in and asking some Ese for chiva...although I am pretty close to doing that one.
Fuck this is tough. I mean I am clean, its outta my system and I should be grateful. But Im not. I feel like I cant go do anything cuz Im not high(the ADHD makes it nearly impossible to quiet my fucking mind) and everyone bores and annoys me so much that social activities are just not possible.
I think about that whole wonderful ritual all day long; of the alcohol bottle, glass of distilled water, the spoon, the knife, ...the dope, 3 squares of tp layed out, the Q-tip...the balsamicly chocolaty aroma, watching the water in the spoon swirl with brown, loading, the rush of dark red with the pull...softly pushing the plunger down, down, all the way down, and sliding out.
CT said something earlier, he said, "always getting what you want is for babies." Ive been thinking about that ever since I read it and he's/she's absolutely correct. Thats exactly what I feel like, a giant baby. I know Im too old for this, I know Ive gone through a pretty amazing detox from a serious heroin addiction in the past and I definitely know that I am so much better off (in the long run) if I can somehow never pick up another needle again...but I wanna get high. This is fucking amazing.
Hopefully something clicks before I come across a new contact, cuz if I meet him tomorrow Im fuckin scoring!

 

[jarlaxle117]

both have disapeared? hmm theres 10 places i can score within a 300 yard radius of my house, its a wonder how you stayed high consistently to begin with. goodluck kicking ive been thinking about it myself altho i just had a hit and am fighting the urge even now, ill give in to it, hard to quit when it in your hand, but seriously if u have no other options in your life and only after you have tried everything else methadone did wonders for me for 6 months ..... then i saw an old dealer at walmart

 

[tricomb]

the longer someone goes without using the easier it gets, it's not as simple as just having a strong willpower.

I think real and major changes in one's life and way of thinking are necessary in order to quit an addiction. Thinking of oneself as empowered and able to choose, instead of just a victim who has no choice but to use, can be just one of those changes.

^This. Thankyou you put it better than I could.

I totally disagree about it being a willpower thing. You give a dope addict the right set and circumstances and they're going to use.

Tricomb you've got X amount of time clean, but i fyou get one day where depression/desire to use/and circumstances present where you are around heroin, you will use again plain and simple, despite willpower or not. You need tools on top of that. I"m sure theres something you DO when you want to use tricomb, and that isn't willpower, thats substituting a negative addiction for a positive one.

Wanna know what I do now when i wanna use? work out. Its like a natural reaction at this point. You need something to be your natural reaction to these feelings. your current natural reaction is: get high (heroin). You must rewire your brain and it will take a lot of hard work/determination, past will power.

That's not true at all. I'm not going to relapse because I don't want to. Relapse is not inevitable, nor are we helpless over addiction. Saying that an addict is doomed to repeat their mistakes is just rationalizing the vicious cycle.

It's willpower man, plain and simple. The longer I go without shooting, the less desire I have to use. I am around people shooting up all the time, I often prep their stuff for them because they know I have unmatched technique and I wash my hands (Yes it really fucking gets to me watching people try to prep a shot with dirty hands, I usually take over at this point).

Really man, I have no desire to shoot up at all. I'm a chronic pain patient so I still require opioids and will for the rest of my life, so I'm not saying that all it took was willpower to quit opioids, but that's what it took for me to quit IV. When I get urges to get high, IV never crosses my mind anymore, even when I'm surrounded by it still. I think if anything, being continuously exposed to IV drug abuse and all the collateral damage it does, it's sort of desensitized me I think.

I now just think of IV as being gross, the idea of sticking myself makes me sick now when the thought of registering used to make my cock jump to life. I also diet and exercise now in attempts to rewire my brains reward pathways.

 

[mareseatoats]

^ I haven't done heroin or had any desire to in over 2 years, since I quit IV drug abuse.

hey TRICOMB, read your response a bit late, but was curious- if you dont mind me asking. Have you been on any maintenance medication since the time you have stayed away from heroin?

 

[tricomb]

Nope, I've never ever taken any maintenance drugs for the purpose of maintenance. I've used buprenorphine and methadone for rapid detox and also methadone for chronic pain, but never anything for maintenance.

I had been shooting up since adolescence, I think I just grew out of it as I became more mature and noticed how everyone else around me using needles were not doing well. I guess being so exposed to it and the complications, risks, overdoses, etc, it just eventually crept up on me that this was not what I wanted for myself, and that I had to stop doing it before it consumed me completely just like the people I was exposed to constantly.

I didn't want to lie, steal, cheat, etc, to finance my drug addiction, and as everyone else descended into lives of crime, disease, homelessness, violence, etc etc etc I just knew that wasn't the path I wanted to go down.