Am I in the right place for help w/codeine addiction (painkillers)? Support NEEDED

[Pink Lotus]

Hi, I'm new to the site and am looking for some support for dealing with addiction to codeine painkillers. I've done a search and have only come up with threads that mostly refer to CWE's etc, so would be really happy if anyone can let me know whether this forum is appropriate for dealing with this particular addiction. I'm looking to get off it, not help sustain it.

I've been in recovery from alc, dope and valium for over two years now, and on the recovery journey for 12 years. It's taken a while to get some consistent time up. During that time I have tried all manner of supports - which have taken me through D & A counselling, four residential detoxes (and more at home etc), in and out of a whole multitude of groups, including AA, NA, Smart Recovery, Life Ring, books galore. Still, here I am back in yet another relapse, with yet another substance, and feeling, frankly, out of my depth with this one and very disappointed to have blemished my sobriety in such a big way.

I did actually discover the site a few weeks back. My (excessive) painkiller use started about 4 months ago after a severe back problem (still ongoing probs w/that) and has quickly escalated. I've now got myself into a serious place with my usage. I did realise this a few weeks back and seeing that I was actually ingesting large amounts of paracetamol, I looked up some harm min info here on CWE's. I did three CWE's but it all felt too chemisty and honestly, I was scared to get into it any more at that level, because my pattern is definitely for excess. I could see where I could go with the habit if I started feeling I could do it 'safely'. Added to that, is the fact that opiates are an addiction I'm just not particularly enjoying yet can't seem to stop them. With alc and dope I've always been able to predict the trajectory. With opiates, it seems the journey is never the same twice, and not always pleasant. They help sometimes though and of course as with all addicts, we're all trying to repeat the good highs. When they take the stress off (and I'm under a huge stress load) it feels worth it. You turn a blind eye to the risks.

So here I am back to ingesting the pills. I have been averaging 8 - 10 (4 - 5g) paracetamol/codeine, mixed w/ 6 - 10 Ibuprofen/codeine (1200 - 2000mg ibu), using anywhere from 100 - 220mg codeine. This is at one time. Tolerance obviously taking me to higher doses. I have had a liver test recently which shows my ALT readings at 47 (scale 5 - 30) so I am half again the highest. A medical friend tells me my liver is struggling and that the liver enzymes are likely breaking down.

I have never been so scared of losing my life as I have been with this particular relapse. I've done a lot of reading by now about the dangers of APAP and recently, I've had some very bad episodes - aching liver area, nearly passing out, extreme nausea, spacing out - and have really felt like I'd end up in hospital, yet being too ashamed to tell anybody. I'm a Mum, and my partner doesn't know, although he has weathered decades of addiction with me (not an addict himself). I've done two withdrawals in the past 6 weeks but keep slipping back into use again.

At my D & A session on Monday I got a real shake up. Counsellor said he had spoken with his supervisor, who is extremely concerned by the possible liver damage being done (and other body systems I'm guessing) and that I should think about Suboxone. This feels very overwhelming. Obviously with continuing back pain, it's a worry (due to opiate blocking), and that's just for starters.

I know if I keep going it's just a matter of time before it's fatal. I've been reading yesterday about 'staggered overdose' and that is almost certainly where I'm at I'd say.
I'm on day 3, trying to stay stopped, and really all at sea here. I've used 5 out of 15 days, but two of those episodes were really scary, and felt life-threatening.

Any help, guidance, info, support will be gratefully received.

 

[Tommyboy]

I'll move this to the correct forum.

Homeless --> TDS

 

[Beachcat]

Welcome! I am glad you posted asking for help....you are in the right place and the folks here are awesome.

I was not completely certain what you need help with...it looks like you have detoxed from several things in the past, codeine would probably be the same as dope, but not as severe.

With your liver as stressed as it is, if you do continue to use, even if you are cutting down, definitely take the time to do a CWE. You just can't keep taking in all that paracetamol without during further damage, and liver failure is no joke.

Are you planning to taper down and quit, or cold turkey it? Do you have any access to meds like clonidine for support in withdrawal?

You mentioned Suboxone, but it looks like you have pain issues...what would you do for pain control? Is your pain truly severe enough to warrant daily use of opiates, or could it be controlled by strong NSAIDs, exercise, TENs unit, etc? I guess that is yOur first question. It sounds like if you cannot function without an opiate, you need to get something g prescribed that will help and has no Tylenol in it.

If you can function without opiates, then it is my opinion to steer clear of subs, especially for a codeine addiction. Sub is much stronger than codeine, it seems like you would be trading for a worse problem. Do you feel that your willpower is strong enough to go without completely, or will your sobriety be compromised if you are not on a maintenance therapy?

If you think you can, I personally would either taper down (with CWE) or just do cold turkey, making sure you have Imodium on hand.

Good luck!

 

[RobotRipping]

man do the CWE, seriously.

 

[Pink Lotus]

Thanks for the supportive replies. I appreciate the frank talking.

To answer: The support I'm looking for is with stopping, not so much withdrawing. Since my initial mail I ended up in the Emergency ward last week, after being advised to go in due to pain in the liver area - and really, just getting to the point where I was truly frightened. Seven hours in ER, and the liver function test came back clear, although with signs of struggle, elevated levels. A relief, although that did somewhat threaten a return to complacency - now the work centres around staying stopped. I am on day 7 today. Nearly used y'day but delayed, then had a D & A session and got through without using.

I appreciate the advice to do a CWE, and as mentioned, I did try that. It solved things one level - harm min-wise, yet watching myself go through taht process, I could really see that I'm the type that could descend quite rapidly further into more serious use, and that scared me just as much, which is why I ended up back at the pills. A catch 22.

My aim now is to apply the things I've learned in recovery to my addiction to this new substance, but the day to day abstinence is so fragile at present. I need to find ways to bolster that, hence attempts at recovery community. Are there threads here devoted to daily recovery? I could really do with connecting to people who understand and are keen for positive change.