• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Am I going to be okay? Possible Audio Schizo

Mr. Mayor

Mr. Mayor

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 2, 2014
Messages
128
Location
Heart of the Rave

I've had a history of drug use started with pain pills DXm and weed. Moved to DMT LSD and Shrooms...
I had taken some nbome at a festival last halloween, and also tried methamphetamine for the first time at the previous hospital. I both exhibited the same symptoms of shizophrenia in that I heard people fucking with me that really werent.

For instance, I was ina tent with a girl and the DJ i had been there with went out with his girl to go mingle... I was tired and trying to force myself to sleep whenever I heard 2 footsteps walk up behind the tent. Eventually they started talking about me, even in the voice of my close friends that I had been there. I was convinced they were watching me sleep threw tiny holes in the tent while asking me questions. After the question sometimes my leg would twitch or something and they would be look like at his leg there it was. (Lie Detection i thought at the time) I tried to keep them at bay bye talking shit in my mind and they just came back twice as hard. Untill I gave up and said that they are my friends and that I love them and i just wanna sleep... At various points I would try to move my hand to stop the twitch but it still happens.

This happened at another festival last October where I did Molly and amps for 3 days in a row with little to no sleep. On the second night I also did 25i. This took me from extrovert to introvert real quick....

I remember being in my tent alone because I felt like I didnt need to be there at that time or that I needed some effin sleep so i could have fun. Then all night the people from the tent behind me continued to talk about me and sometimes id slip up and think about something dark that happened in the past or happened to me and they would tell me that I belong in Prison or various bad things. I even asked one for a ciggarette because I was just losing it without anything to do, they told me to come get it. It felt so real but I knew there was no way I was communicating with them like that.

At one point I was laying down immensing myself in landscapes I would create. It was like groups from nearby tents were seing what I was creating and responding. "OH NICE!", Then a guy would say "Oh WE JUST SEEN THAT!" Very strange stuff. Also when listening to music i still hear a strange deep audio from it that really reflects. Often putting me down or just plain negativity. I hate it!!!

Went to a Dj's house that played the festival and my gf called to break up with me. Prior to that I had taken a hit and a half of 25i and given my friend some

I'll close doors or make noises and the noises sound like a word in the english language associated with what Im thinking!!

Some days its worse than others and some days It only happens a few times. I feel like the stress is just too much, If anyone knows what Im talking

Still see dots ALL THE TIME but only when certain things happen. IE the environment changes, fast movements, someone stares and blinks at me, the face touching people do,
they are just like the ones you see in old moves although vary in size and transparency. As im typing this I see tiny orbs around the text shooting and moving with my vision wtf

I don't know what to think of it all. And listen I know this is a lot to read but I am on the virge of having a breakdown I hate being alone with my thoughts, I know people cant hear them but when I think negative things or lie sometimes the house around me makes noises. I blink and a bird chirps. I blink at someone and they say EW (as if i like the person) but really my eyes are just watery!

If there is an awkward silence a voice sometimes tells me to Cough. Not in a mean way just a soft "cough". I stayed at an apartment at a major university over spring break and I swear I could hear everyone around me putting me down or just being mean. Now maybe I do have a bit of a mind reading thing. Maybe my brain is playing tricks on me. Maybe my brain evaluates my thoughts and the actions of others into verbal outcomes in my head but its always changing. Like right now I heard a car go by, I have been taking Kratom 3-5days a week for my job and I could have swore the tires against the pavement called me a Crackhead. Now do I cough? Do I scratch my nose? Do i think of something mean to to say. I'm by myself so im not going to say anything. Maybe just be like "STOP"! Ive talked shit to them but they are always the peoples voices around me like the thoughts they are having... AND I SWEAR THEY REACT.

Ill be trying to sleep and ill just think of something CRAZY to think of... Like hey imma burn down this house!! "obvious bullshit" Even as I typed it the wall made a clicking noise it hasnt made all morning... But the other roommates will move and bang something or mutter hes crazy. It's just too strange.

Work is impossible I dont speak to anyone for 8 hours straight most of the time. But by the time I go into the break room I'm hearing them have back in forth conversations in my head! I cant do it...

Shit is weird... Dont want to get on antispychotics because they slow me down too much. What should I do?
​
 
I think that the best thing you could do is to really cleanse your body--healthy diet, sleep and refrain from substances. Let your body heal. As far as the voices go, they are projections from your own mind so what are they trying to say? Maybe they want you to deal with low self-esteem, self doubt or self hatred. I think it is no mystery why those of us that hear voices usually hear threatening or negative voices. Here is something from Tikhal that might be interesting to you:
PARANOIA

This unpleasant state often strikes people who experiment with marijuana; some (myself among them) do not outgrow this particular effect of the plant, and simply have to avoid exposing themselves to it.. However, it can occur with any psychedelic or visionary drug. A single experience of paranoia under these circumstances can be of great value to you. For one thing, to be rather obvious about it, you’ll know first-hand what is actually meant by paranoid thinking. You’ll probably emerge from the drug effect with a greater understanding of what it is called psychological projection. And ideally an increased interest in understanding the deep seated reasons for shifting amount taken to address trust and suspicion.
If you find yourself feeling paranoid during a psychedelic experience, whether the drug involved is marijuana or something else, there are certain things to keep in mind. First if you are seeing menace or hatred in the faces of people you know and love, try and activate your Observer, the part of you that watches, learns and evaluates without emotion (although it does at times have its own little sense of humour). The observer is always present; remember that it is there for you to use, and you must call it in. It should tell you something like this “You have taken a drug, and it’s changing the way your perceptions. Don’t get trapped in this negativity and distrust. It’s a part of your psyche and it’s an aspect of your Survivor – the corner of your soul that still assumes that iut is living in a jungle, and it sense danger everywhere – and what you’re seeing has nothing to do with the truth about your friends or how they feel toward you; it has to do with projections from deep within your unconscious mind. Just ride it out, and it’ll fade in a little while’.
Naming the state as paranoia does help you regain objectivity. No matter what drug you’ve taken you may simply have to wait until it wears off, remembering not to act on the suspicion or fearfulness, reminding yourself continually that it is all the effect of a drug which is not very friendly towards you, and which you may not want to experiment with again. Also, consider the possibility that you are experiencing a one-time only (it is to be hoped) exposure to a certain potential within all human beings to see their surroundings as dangerous.
If you are perceiving hostility in faces looking at you, or words said to you, remember that the perceived anger or disapproval – whether you feel it coming from people or trees or for that matter the sky – is a projection upon the outside world of negative judgements made upon yourself, tucked away in your subconscious mind. In other words, some part of you has learned, probably in childhood, to regard yourself as undesirable, bad, worthy of punishment or worse. This is what you are seeing in the faces of your friends or the menacing plants in your garden: a projection of feelings of that judge and jury you have residing deep inside you.
Allow the paranoia to become a teaching about that part of your psyche, and, when the drug session is over, discuss with others what you experienced. If the feeling of paranoia disturbed you with its intensity, perhaps consider going into therapy, if you can, to dig up that self-destructive unconscious programming and to consciously put it to rest.
Click to expand...

Also check out these sites: http://www.hearing-voices.org/

http://www.intervoiceonline.org/

It can be terrifying to go through what you are going through. Try to not pile desperate thoughts on it as the anxiety over the actual experience compounds the experience. Try to stay focused on the simple truth that you are experiencing something which may have been drug-triggered or not, but either way is treatable. It will be a journey of self-awareness and that is never a bad thing.<3
 
So I type "audio went out" into google...

And I get your post as a result. I think fate wants me to respond so here goes. I experimented in similar ways to what you describe in the late 90's, most notably at a festival in Canada with lots of psychedelics. Out of our group of 4 tight knot friends and another 6-8 friends, 2 of us were just never able to keep the paranoia at bay. The others really didnt understand. I could go into detal of a number of experiences, but I will give just one. The worst for me was an halucination of time being out of sinc . Along with very paranoid visions of my friends spying on me, VERY similar to what you describe, where I was convinced there was a microphone in the room with me and my friends in the next room were laughing at me, I had a time-free experience where it seemed I was both reacting to things in a minute or 2 in the future or in the past.
In a nutshell, it was awful. I havent used psychedelics since those days. I realized I just can't handle them, and I also realized that life can be quite a trip even when you arent tripping... even more so. Afte those days I got married and have kids, and lofe is very interesting without forcing the issue. I can still drink in moderation without tripping out negatively, so there is that.
I wish someone had told me this in 1995, so I tell it to you now... You are one of the 5-10% who will have a very bad reaction to psychedelic drugs. Yes, it can be a vision quest at times, but at what cost? Reality can be reached from many paths, so why not choose a path that will not likely include horrible nightmare halucinations? My opinion anyway.
Peace.

I guess my speakers went out for a reason.

David Meyer
 
Do you think Kratom use 5days a week is going to be making the effects worse? When I take it it's like I hear the word crack-head a lot. Even though I have never once smoked crack and only done coke maybe a handful of times.

I already do workout about 3-5days a week and do cardio 4-5(my job makes me walk at a brisk pace for 8hours a day hence the kratom use)... But it's like I can always hear people talking about me at my job. A lot of times it is comical until I really think of something bad that has happened and there is a direct response, sometimes it makes me so nervous. It is so hard to explain but the only way I can explain it is like this.

Imagine you were trying to go to sleep and it was dead quiet. And everyone is asleep... for some reason you decide to get up and get a glass of water... at the exact moment you air conditioner turns on. Okay so that is a coincidence but it is like this Every time! Almost like I have to walk on eggshells it is insane. I used to go threw highschool with such confidence now the akward silences in between conversations is enough to throw my awareness really far around me. 5seconds after a silence and I can hear the other people in the room talking about me, "why did it get so quiet" "is he trying to listen to us?"

Another frequent inner monologue of mine is "He just walks around like he owns the place" and that is everywhere, but it is always said with negative undertones. Ill be like Fkyeah i do! you betcha! thats just me! in a positive sense. and the voices just keeps getting more negative

Marijuana is a definite no for me. A year ago I was smoking almost an ounce of high grade a week and that is no exaggeration. I was always high. I would smoke 2 bowls an hour or more just to stay high and my tolerance was insane. I had the funds and was making money back then but that is another story. After my first manic episode (have the trip report up) the first time I hit a bit of weed it was like all the air in the room was sucked out. I then heard every single person (crazy part) in the developments thoughts. It first started with maybe 3 or 4 voices until i was having groups of 4 talking back to 5 or 6 other groups. Stressful as fuck trying to sleep to that

I have smoked weed sense then and it has gotten better but the entire process just wears me out. I feel like after I hit it, just knocks me off focus and it takes more energy to battle the voices of "neighbors" and others around me. There are so many stories that have happened recently and it's like everyday is something new. I almost want to get put on meds but I fear the risks!

I feel like I have a lot in common with you David. Thanks for joining just to post that! Gives me inspiration that the voices will stop eventually and that helps me each day.
 
Still waiting for that to come in.

I've started noticing that the voices can be really helpful and they provide fast answers to things I don't have to think about. Then I had this weird experience on the way to work the other day.

I was running late and got in my jeep and headed to work (pretty close down the road) and was driving pretty slow, I hadn't been in a car since 4days before because of an illness.

Anyways... I was just taking my time really trying to drive all normal most the time I'm smoking a cigarette or txting and not giving a fuck but today I was super honed in.

When I passed these peoples houses(I normally have vivid audio haluc from groups of houses near the roads, as if i can hear the vibrations of them responding the noise of my vehicle) It sounded like one of them said hes driving like he has a cop behind him. I just thought whatever and continued to drive to work. I drove really slow and don't have a rear view mirror (im safe trust me lol) and about 5mins down the road I look in my side mirror and there is a Cop right on my ass tailing me ;)

Coincidence? Maybe? Maybe he had been following me since I had heard the voice say "there is a cop behind him" and all that was is my brain seeing a cop car out of the corner of my eye even though I didn't actually look at it directly and think to myself "oh a cop maybe i should slow down and drive straight" Anyways, they can be useful sometimes I really wanna hear from more people with simaller issues
 
I second trying to live the healthiest lifestyle you can. For me, it was a combination of drug use and chronic fatigue that led to schizophrenic symptoms.

They came on quickly as I believe you described. I did skim.
I just wanted to tell you to try brushing it off. At least not catastrophizing like I did.

I had five months of strong auditory hallucinations. Once I'd been clean for several weeks and started exercising, eating better, etc. I had a reduction of hallucinations and now the voices are nearly gone. When they 'appear' I just jumble their words/message and laugh off the fact that I don't listen to them anymore.

This reads as really crazy, but it's far more casual than you might anticipate. I also read in-depth about one girl who learned to accept seeing monsters and dead bodies, etc. in everyday life. Both methods require you de-emphasize the experience. You don't have to normalize hallucinations, but accept that they're here now and you're still fine.

In short, both methods
 
I posted in another similar thread. Didn't go into as much detail. But you've pretty much described everything I went through. Voices of friends and family talking down to me, judging me, telling me all sorts of bad things about myself. Stopped smoking weed, voices went away. They aren't real, they are our own psyche pushing through. Self-doubt, self-loathing, subconscious negativity, PARANOIA!, etc. Don't walk into that darkness, reject it. It doesn't have anything real to offer.

Really consider stopping drug use until the symptoms subside and/or go away. You need to give yourself time to heal. And find out what is triggering this. Which substance, which life decisions, etc. Amps are possibly causing this, as will any strong psychedelic. The world isn't like this. Frankly, everyone is more consumed with themselves and their own needs/wants. They don't have time to sit around judging you. It's not logical. We aren't all demons waiting to rip the guy next to us to shreds. We all just want to live, be happy, and experience things. There's no room in reality for any sort of organized conspiracy like the voices will lead you to believe. We're just not that interesting.
 
The thing that has helped me more Is to just not think.... or sing songs in my head.

I have to have some kind of rap playing on the way to work so that the voices dont come out but they still respond to what the rapper is saying.

If im driving I hear the person in front and behind me talking(sometimes)

The other day I was at my job and there was a lot of loud machinire I swear it is like everytime I walk by it, it starts sounding like what im thinking.... I was thinking about what me and my gf did the other night and as soon as i did 2 girls go EWW!! out loud. like talking... shits weird. I had to go to the bathroom and take a breather... I washed my hands but when I got out I kept hearing EW he didnt wash his hands. Im like wtf yes i did then they are like oh hes lying blah blah blah....

Called my doctor to get me back on a script of risperidone... May or may not take it as I seen a commercial saying that there is a big lawsuit and it causes guys to have breasts...lol not good!
 
Oh yeah I absolutely cant smoke weed.

If i do I have to endure the hell it causes the first few times, then the more I smoke it with tolerance the more at ease it gets.

Still have 10g of legal tree that I wont even touch anymore. (probation fml)
 
m060mm said:
I second trying to live the healthiest lifestyle you can. For me, it was a combination of drug use and chronic fatigue that led to schizophrenic symptoms.

They came on quickly as I believe you described. I did skim.
I just wanted to tell you to try brushing it off. At least not catastrophizing like I did.

I had five months of strong auditory hallucinations. Once I'd been clean for several weeks and started exercising, eating better, etc. I had a reduction of hallucinations and now the voices are nearly gone. When they 'appear' I just jumble their words/message and laugh off the fact that I don't listen to them anymore.

In short, both methods
Click to expand...

You mean like repeating what they said in your head like thinking it... but just mess it all up... Could you please give an example?

The worse thing I can do is to respond to them. like occasionally I will hear someone tell me to cough and if i listen or respond to what is going on it just leads me down a hole in my head untill something gets brought up that causes severe anxienty
 
Dude, similar things happend to me after abusing LSD, MDMA, ketamine and cocaine for at least 3 years in a row, no cleansing time or anything. Was a hell of a tough road you know. I managed to leave all behind and then I found out than despite the paranoia I've developed there was also some kind of reality to my toughts. I was hanging out with shitty people and I tried to think it was otherwise, maybe I even was the shitty one back then. One day everything just turned out to be so freacking clear to me that I knew exactly what was going on. I got clean for 4 months and get the hell away from the douchebags I knew.

I will never have a clear view of those days, I may say there is little I remember. Also, I still have some paranoia inside me, but I know is a feeling I have to control. Try to leave the scene for a while, analyze things and don't let mental impulses take over racionality. Really, the best is just to get away of substances for a while. You are not alone, keep that in mind also.

Your brain is telling you there is something wrong, listen to it, let it rest.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top