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Am I considered a Junky/Addict?

J

Junks

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Feb 24, 2013
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Hello, I am a very secretive drug user. No one knows that I use opiates. My only source of information and people I can relate to, that use, is the internet.

From the information I have gathered over the years, I still do not know if I am an "addict". I do not know how bad my addiction is. Could you guys on a scale of 1 to 10 give me a rating for my opiate use. 10 being a addict/junky and 1 being a pure recreational user.

I have been using for about 4 - 5 years. The first year, I used about 1 - 3 times a week. I would then go a few months without it. I would be using about 300mg Codeine.

My second and third years, I still did not use daily and I settled into weekend use, and even skipped on some weeks, but it was regular on saturdays. I was using about 90mg of oxy by then, at each dose, in one go.

From my third year up till now, daily use crept in, but at short spans of time. It crept in when I broke up with my gf. I used daily for about 5 months and then quit for 3 months. I used daily again for another 3 months, then quit again for about 3 months. Again about 90mg to 120mg of oxy at one sitting. I would have this sort of relationship with opiates. Daily use and then abrupt stopping for a while, almost always equal lengths of time, although they have been getting shorter.

I am now 3 weeks clean, but I have a problem and this is why I want to be rated on my addiction level. I have never withdrawn like I see in the movies, or like what I read on the net. The worst was probably a headache and sore body and bones for about two days. I would also get the shivers with the sweats, but not all over my bedsheets like I read on here.

Problem is, it does feel that each time I stopped using the WD seemed "heavier" in nature. I am now 3 weeks clean, sober, but I still feel like I am tired. Like the PAWS has not gone away yet, and this is not normal. Never used to happen. I am very emotional. I can cry out of nowhere. I laugh, then get angry. I can not wake up. I can sleep well though. I feel tired all day. I am not motivated. I even feel like a zombie. I can just walk straight like a robot and not think, no expression if I am feeling really down. I think it has got to do with opiates....what do you guys think? I have read that PAWS does not go away, even for ten years? Help me, I am scared.
 
Welcome to Bluelight! I abused my oxy prescriptions for a few years. I guess I would have rated myself between 8 to 10. Always ran out of meds early, accident related injuries, doctor shopping, drinking along with it, detox and rehab hospitals and losing friends, finally culminating in losing my job of 23 years.

It's hard for me to put a number on you, I think you know yourself better than anyone. What I can tell you is that each time you put yourself through withdrawals it will be harder on your body and spirit. The PAWS absolutely can last for an extended period. It will be 2 years for me in May since I saw the pain doctor. But no, I havn't completely recovered yet. I have no motivation whatsoever to even shower half the time let alone take care of my house chores. I had a houseguest a few months back who gave me some of his ms-contin. Suddenly I was cleaning the house like greased lightning. I felt like my old self again, well my old junkie self.

You're right when you say you're tired all day, lack of motivation, over-sleeping and scattered emotions are signs of PAWS. I was real depressed along with those symptoms. It's good that you're able to take long breaks but I think it would be better to stop using them altogether. Don't keep putting yourself through this.
 
Well, I think we can keep this thread open.

Basically as I see it, your asking people whether they believe you qualify as an 'addict' or a 'junkie', or more generally, what people consider makes someone an addict to begin with.

Based on your brief description it's clear that you do struggle with substance abuse disorder, and substance dependence disorder (I think that's what it's called)l Dependency and abuse are different.

From the DSM:
DSM-IV Substance Dependence Criteria​

Addiction (termed substance dependence by the American Psychiatric Association) is defined as a maladaptive pattern of substance use leading to clinically significant impairment or distress, as manifested by three (or more) of the following, occurring any time in the same 12-month period:

1. Tolerance, as defined by either of the following:
(a) Aneedformarkedlyincreasedamountsofthesubstancetoachieveintoxicationor the desired effect
or
(b) Markedlydiminishedeffectwithcontinueduseofthesameamountofthesubstance.

2. Withdrawal, as manifested by either of the following:
(a) The characteristic withdrawal syndrome for the substance
or
(b) Thesame(orcloselyrelated)substanceistakentorelieveoravoidwithdrawal symptoms.

3. The substance is often taken in larger amounts or over a longer period than intended.
4. There is a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control substance use.

5. A great deal of time is spent in activities necessary to obtain the substance (such as visiting multiple doctors or driving long distances), use the substance (for example, chain-smoking), or recover from its effects.

6. Important social, occupational, or recreational activities are given up or reduced because of substance use.

7. The substance use is continued despite knowledge of having a persistent physical or psychological problem that is likely to have been caused or exacerbated by the substance (for example, current cocaine use despite recognition of cocaine-induced depression or continued drinking despite recognition that an ulcer was made worse by alcohol consumption).

DSM-IV criteria for substance dependence include several specifiers, one of which outlines whether substance dependence is with physiologic dependence (evidence of tolerance or withdrawal) or without physiologic dependence (no evidence of tolerance or withdrawal). In addition, remission categories are classified into four subtypes: (1) full, (2) early partial, (3) sustained, and (4) sustained partial; on the basis of whether any of the criteria for abuse or dependence have been met and over what time frame. The remission category can also be used for patients receiving agonist therapy (such as methadone maintenance) or for those living in a controlled, drug-free environment.

Source: American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Fourth Edition. Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association, 2000.
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You seem to have your hop and skip done... Just think, you are one little jump away from securing your own, possibly life long, full time position, in the takes all comers, world wide fraternity of opiate addiction.
You will be required to work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, with no time off to occasionally tune your life back up, to take care of a crises that has arisen, to be there for a friend or family member, to start your soon to be stalled life progressing again, for a nice holiday. You will be free to do these things and others, as long as it doesn't get in the way of your soon to be primary unavoidable purpose, the finding, funding, procuring, and using opiates, all day every day. You will be required to procure and pay for for all your own supplies, buy what ever way you can manage.. and if you get to the point of not being able to manage, buy whatever means necessary.. including things you may need to talk yourself into.. (i am BUY NO means stating here that all junkies throw out their values and morals and can no longer be trusted, I have had the pleasure of navigating this lifestyle with some pretty successful, admirable and amazing characters; However, there are enough worthless, do ANYTHING junkies that seem to use their drug addiction to justify many a unjustifiable action on their part.. and i have seen good people even crack in a real tight desperation.)
Oh i see, since you seem to have have a tight supply connection and plenty of cash to float that connection and that will go on for ever rite... WRONG, things change, Many Junkies hold jobs but allot loose jobs more often than i miss place my car keys and the income that comes with it, and in certain ares of the world loose the resulting health benefits and with that access to the pain DRS and (500 us $ for seven minutes of their time, turn my head and cough you say DR, but DR your scam makes me so sick i have to throw up on your shoes.. sorry to tangent but health care is BROKEN in the US) not to mention possible costs of prescriptions, dealers get arrested, get clean, retire, go to rehab, get killed, get unclean, loose their connections in the same way, pill formulas change, or your Dr decides to change your dose or medication, or you get sick, or you get in legal trouble.
You may/will be required to donate a good portion of all your money, in many cases they want it all, in all cases the price is high, to all the various people that have set up a nice living buy feeding off addicts.. these parasites include but are not limited to, all may not be applicable in your area, other addicts, dealers, D Rs, Gas stations etc,, fines and court costs, jails and prisons.. just charge the tax paying body to house you.. but, you are required to participate buy being locked there, not for profits (yeah i love not for profits too but, i wonder how many millions of free man hours are given to them in the form of community service, liking and agreeing with something doesn't change the truth), big pharma, maintenance clinics, pharmacies, rehabs, detoxes, ambulances, intensive care units, bottled water people, reality tv shows, etc. etc.
Its not all down hill as with anything in life you get good with the bad, the likely hood of you needing to spend money on these things may lighten your load a little, toilet paper may be minimal at least until it is needed for the tears you may find a new part of your bathroom experience. Food.. sometimes when you are so utterly bored and traumatized buy your life and are waiting for your connection or script date to role around.. you can count off and marvel at the obscene amount of days since you have eaten anything. Though you may find the need to maintain your wait, ahhm, if you need to reup your scripts all the time, best not be wandering in there, still expecting to awoken out of this scriptagulistic day and find you are still unshowerd and really dope sick with three more days until this day really arrives, .. yes, i would not make the mistake of heading off to get those all important papers, on that all important day, dope skinny and dope sick, that will eventually or immediately spell disaster. you will be able to prepare for this because this type of day will become so important to you that you will have memorized on what day you get what and have already figured for the variance in month length for not only all you prescription fills but for all the prescription dates and names fills of all thirty of your new "friends" I personally think that it is important to develop network of people who has goals that will be the exact same as yours.. to never ever run out.


NO but in all seriousness, it seems to me that you are already in the club and imo you seem to have experienced the good parts of the process (you can still get high, you are clean rite now and detoxed with ease, You don't have "a habit the size of Utah" in which you spend all your money and your time trying to avoid being sick and are amazed if you ever NOD at all) You still have an anonymous addiction but more important you still have your life and are not yet in some using cycle where you will not be able to take enough time off your life, to detox, and keep your life, but you can no longer maintain your life and keep using. It also appears to me buy your statements that since "I have never withdrawn like I see in the movies" that you are WHAT going to push the envelope until you do? withdraw in the movies is a couple second scene, people helping some unfortunate actor playing a junkie go through withdraws where by the magic of the movies appears all cleaned up and sparkly after ten seconds elapsing in a movie, but in real life withdraw is days or weeks, of seconds that can feel like hours, of experiences already clearly documented on BL.

Another great BL thread is the you might be a junkie if.. If you want a picture of how your life as an opiate addict will look if you go down that road.. read through those, they are not clever, contrived, statements, but instead common insanity that junkies share, its almost always better to laugh at yourself than to cry.

If you never go back, all you will miss is your inevitable destruction. Your at a perfect place and a perfect time.. Pull the ripcord and parachute down before you slam into earth. <3<3
 
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Im assuming you are scoring your meds on the street because you dont mention a doctor........if so, you are self medicating for whatever reason/getting high for whatever reason. Even pain patients get out of control, pretty much anyone touching opiates can get out of control.

I also see since youve made it possible to quit for several months in between, you are capable of quitting for good. You obviously got a bit out of control my medicating everyday when you broke up with your girlfriend, which im assuming caused you mental pain, hence your usage of opiates every day to cope.

It seems people get addicted to opiates faster when self medicating for emotional pain than physical pain........& with that said, if you dont quit using now, you will end up an 8 or 9.............then again, we all have crosses to carry & we deal with them the best of our abilities........some use opiates, some alcohol, some gambling, some with porn/hookers, etc, etc.........

It doesnt make you a bad person because your addicted to a drug, this is the best way you can cope with your reality............good luck with whatever path you choose.
 
If your drug use has negative impact on your life and feels out of control then you are addicted.

Junks said:
Problem is, it does feel that each time I stopped using the WD seemed "heavier" in nature. I am now 3 weeks clean, sober, but I still feel like I am tired. Like the PAWS has not gone away yet, and this is not normal. Never used to happen. I am very emotional. I can cry out of nowhere. I laugh, then get angry. I can not wake up. I can sleep well though. I feel tired all day. I am not motivated. I even feel like a zombie. I can just walk straight like a robot and not think, no expression if I am feeling really down. I think it has got to do with opiates....what do you guys think? I have read that PAWS does not go away, even for ten years? Help me, I am scared.
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This is perfectly normal. Withdrawals get worse over time, every time you withdraw it's going to get worse, plus your use has escalated over time. Not feeling good after 3 weeks of being clean is perfectly normal. It takes time to heal from 5 years of opioid use! There is no reason to worry that just because you are still having PAWS after only 3 weeks of not using that it is not going to get better. There are also things you can do to help speed up your recovery. Please let us know if you'd like some tips :)
 
Z-negative with the DSM criteria! funny shit!

Rating somebody's addiction kind of goes against everything I've ever been taught in 12 step programs and rehab....It's kind of taboo...

"You're an addict if you say you are" type BS comes to mind....

but, all things considered, I'll hit ya with a 4.5....I don't really know what you using drugs day to day looks like and what you do, but it seems like you've managed to put on the brakes a bunch of times for no other reason than "wanting to stop", which a lot of people need to hit a wall before they stop....

You have to be willing to give up a lot of things in life to be a full-time addict.....Sometimes I think it's worth it...Never been a fan fan of predictability and stability, and despite what anybody says, I've actually gottten better at pulling off drug-use through years of practice...Of course, I had no choice, I guess.... but I suffered a lot more of the classic consequences in the beginning.....For me, the worst part about the whole thing is missing out on life and being a societal outcast I guess....

What do you really want out of life....if you wanna just get high, be the best addict you can be, I guess.....Meaning...Stay as safe as possible. Get as many sources as possible for as cheap as possible, and find a legal, above-board way to support your habit....

If you want a life outside of using, well.....you know what they say about dabbling with opiates...itsz not easy
 
generally if one has to ask this question, deep down inside they already know the answer and are just fishing for someone to tell em they aren't.
 
Thank you for all the responses. I have read them all and have found them informative. I score my stuff off the street, but was introduced by a script. I do use it for emotional pain and I still remember at how effective it was at covering up the mental pain from breaking up with my gf.

I usually use after work and just surf the web or watch tv/movies, and that is what I did when I used everyday or on weekends. My use has got in the way of some things in life, but not to a really bad degree like neversickanymore described. It just sort of stopped me from "acting". Just say I did it on a Wednesday night, and I did not go visit family. If I had of not used, I probably still would not of seen my family. But I would of had that choice to visit, where when I am high that choice is not there anymore, if that makes sense. This is the primary way it has affected me on the social aspect.

Swimmingdancer, so even though I have not used everyday for five years, I am still counted as a 5 year abuser/user of opiates? The reason why I want to know if I am a real addict is to work out if I should take the information I read about PAWS and withdrawal as relevant to me. Because when I read things, I am not sure if they apply to me, because I have never used heroin/IV and have not used more than half a year everyday in a row. I can also take long breaks when I decide to, but I do find myself thinking of the drug.

The PAWS not going away now, is what has sparked my interest to know, am I in the same boat as heroin users? etc

Any all things aside and I am not going to lie, I did use today, because I just felt tired everyday and really down and my mood was not changing. I plan to not use again for another month or so, what you guys think?
 
Ur maybe a 5. I've kicked heroin numerous and also pills. This last kick off dope for me I'd rate an 8... no fun! The tiredness and no energy is the worst part for me. Lasted about 1 1/2 months this last time. It will go away and I'd say soon too. PAWS can last a while but the worst is over. Hang in there ur doing good friend!
 
Junks said:
Swimmingdancer, so even though I have not used everyday for five years, I am still counted as a 5 year abuser/user of opiates? The reason why I want to know if I am a real addict is to work out if I should take the information I read about PAWS and withdrawal as relevant to me. Because when I read things, I am not sure if they apply to me, because I have never used heroin/IV and have not used more than half a year everyday in a row. I can also take long breaks when I decide to, but I do find myself thinking of the drug.

The PAWS not going away now, is what has sparked my interest to know, am I in the same boat as heroin users? etc

Any all things aside and I am not going to lie, I did use today, because I just felt tired everyday and really down and my mood was not changing. I plan to not use again for another month or so, what you guys think?
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Do not use any more if you want the PAWS to go away. And do not delude yourself thinking you can go back to using once a month.

Mental addiction and physical dependence are separate. A person could use only once a week and not get any withdrawals but still be mentally addicted if they lack control over their use, it has an adverse impact on their life or they feel like they can't stop. Physical dependence is when you get withdrawals if you quit. Some people use the term "addict" to only mean someone who is both physically dependent and mentally addicted, which can be confusing. I remember when I first started using heroin that's how my friends defined "addicted", so I figured that you could only get addicted if you used every day for long enough to get withdrawals when you didn't have it, haha.

Stuff like severity and duration of PAWS varies HUGELY from person to person and depends on a large number of factors. Even 2 people who used the same drug, same dose, had the same frequency of use and used for the same length of time will have very different experiences when it comes to PAWS. The people who say they have PAWS lasting for 10 years tend to be people who used high doses of strong opioids every day for many many years, probably have a predisposition to mental and/or physical health issues, and often aren't doing much to help themselves heal (diet/lifestyle changes, exercise, supplements, etc). There is no reason for you to worry that you will have super long-lasting PAWS just because your PAWS hasn't improved in 3 weeks. Give it time. Try to eat healthy, get lots of sleep, get lots of exercise. Don't use any more opioids.
 
Thanks guys. I did use yesterday though....is the PAWS reset??

Fuck, I never knew that this PAWS thing even existed. I did not know your brain changes, more receptors grow ect. I just thought you can withdraw if you use too much for too long and that is it. None of this post-tired, drained out feelings. If I knew, I may of stayed away or at least not used as much.

When I studied the drug, this PAWS stuff was really no where to be seen. I just read trip reports or threads of people still using...did not come accross post-acute phase until I was in it! This is worse than WD for me, because I do not know when it will end. It felt like everyday was the same..

Does PAWS reset after one use?
 
I wouldn't psych myself out worrying about PAWS....using drugs supresses feelings, changes your brain chermistry etc.....but Ive had times where I just put it behind me and moved on.....there's no hard fast rule regarding PAWS IMO
 
Opiate receptors generally begin to shut down in a big way several months after you get clean and stay clean. A large amount of mine shut down between 4.5 and 5 months after last dose. I literally woke up one morning and the occasional sunburn tingly skin that would come and go and gradually got better since the beginning of detox. But also that morning my head cleared 300% and I had no idea that I was living in that amount of fog as it had been that long. The change was significant, like my mind turned from a rusty used econocompac car into a Benz, and it continues to get better. The pain DR i talked to about this said that it would continue to clear significantly until about 7.5 months, emotions, feelings, and everything else that is frozen comes back as well. It is also commonly said that it takes around two full years for a drug users brain to get back to normal. Best of luck. The first step to getting out of a hole is to stop digging.
 
Junks, here is my 1-10 scale, by your standards
10: Shooting up multiple times a day, to the extreme detriment of your body, all bridges burned, sick 4-10 hours after last dose (depending on the opiate used)
1: Enjoys opiates, but can take them or leave them. Would not go out of their way to find them.

You sound like you are at about a 6, by my scale. You are a junky, yes. I have had Oxy WDs last for 5 weeks. Not the acute WD, but the PAWDS. Who knows, they may have lasted longer but I finally relapsed. That was after a 2 year 160mg a day habit.

Quit while you're ahead. Or start buying lottery tickets, 'cause shit gets expensive real quick.
 
yo youre 90% there man, and it sounds like youre the fucking chosen one for opiate use. Just the fact that you can quit like that is one in a million, and to top it off having only minor withdrawal. when i was using between 80-200 mgs oxy a day for a couple months, if i missed a day id get incredibly sick. like sometimes sweat literally running down my face and dripping off the tip of my nose. Id focus on taking longer breaks because the kick does get worse and worse as time goes on and its already a miracle how much youve been using to not have a horrible kick when you stop.
 
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