TDS Am I allowed to say I'm going to kill myself?

[Antecessor]

I'm going to kill myself.

I've had a mental block stopping me for ages that even though I wanted to die I panicked at the thought of killing myself and always hoped I could just die by accident.

But good news. I somehow broke through that block yesterday like a shift in my mental understanding and feeling about the whole thing and though I cannot describe it I dont know how to describe it I can say I know I can now do it myself.

I don't have a specific method or plan yet but I know its going to involve blood loss and its gonna be soon. I know its gotta be at just the right moment though I'm not sure what that moment is I will know it when it comes.

It's actually making me feel happy knowing that I can now just do whatever and then the next moment casually sit down and destroy myself and my instincts to live wont stop me because its gone. Like a wall just fallen down around me. I am free.

 

[Allein]

Antecessor, we are all free to make that decision and exit. Life is pretty much the only thing we have given to us and it's ours to do with as we wish.

I don't believe there is any freedom or release to be found by ending things, the pain will no longer be there but neither will you and you are important and you do matter in ways none of us have anyway or knowing or understanding.

I have been plagued by thoughts of suicide of late which I find very upsetting, I've tried to accept them rather than deny them or take them further. There is always tomorrow to think about it again and consider that day and what it might hold.

Try to hang in there, live for tomorrow if you have to, it may not be a better day but it will be another day, life is truly a mysterious gift but a gift it is.

PM me anytime

 

[Antecessor]

Most people cannot choose to switch themselves off. Suicide is difficult mechanically physically and mentally. Those who do it often times consume alcohol or other anti inhibitory drugs to switch off the natural drives and instincts of self preservation.

Those barriers no longer apply to me. I have my normal instincts but have broken them somehow so I can choose whether to listen to them. I won't panic as I'm dying and run to the ER or the phone. I will be calm and just pass. I am not posting for help or sympathy I merely wanted to share how happy I feel that I know I can do it anytime I want and will do it soon. I might even stay my hand longer just to enjoy this new feeling. I feel like I'm floating like I'm all light all giddy.

 

[Antecessor]

I want someone to talk to. Not about this but just talk. Nevermind.

 

[Allein]

Most people cannot choose to switch themselves off. Suicide is difficult mechanically physically and mentally. Those who do it often times consume alcohol or other anti inhibitory drugs to switch off the natural drives and instincts of self preservation..

I've PMd you.

I'm not sure I feel the same way, living on is the challenge, bowing out is just that.

I don't think you are posting for sympathy and I wouldn't patronise anyone with that but I do relate to some of what you are saying.

Keep posting here, talk to people about how you feel. Give yourself a bit more time to think this through.

 

[missmeyet?]

Absolutely...people here are very caring and concerned..awesome thing about BL..

Also, since you feel you now have that freedom of choice, what's the harm in giving yourself, say, a week. See how you feel then. There is no harm in waiting but you might feel differently about things in a week. Just make a promise to yourself to give life a chance for a week, then see where you are.

What else did you want to talk about? Lots of people here that would love to talk..

 

[angeleyes]

Why do you want to die?

If you're going through some bad things, life does get better it just takes time and support from loved ones.


Don't choose a permenant solution to a temporary problem.

 

[mrflowers00]

i found it easy to kill myself the only reason i haven't is because i'd feel bad about putting my dad and Gpa through that i've tried a few times but unluckily i lived but once my dad and Gpa die i'm gonna overdose so massively that there will be no chance for survival and if you have people who care about you then think of how they will feel

 

[Stevenski]

Antecessor I can understand how liberating it feels to make the realisation you can kill yourself & finally get over the mental hurdle. What you need to do is find a reason to live. It could be anything but find one tiny thing to hold onto just for today, you can deal with tomorrow when it arrives. Please check back in here & let us know you are ok.

 

[Corazon]

you must(at some level) be asking for help if you are posting online about it.

I still believe things will get better for me, whether it's delusions of grandeur at being able to overcome adversity or not, that keeps me alive.
I've witnessed suicide and it's not always easy. You have to do the research and do it right. Listen to some of the advice here, life may be worth living.

 

[3dmusic]

I'm going to kill myself.

I've had a mental block stopping me for ages that even though I wanted to die I panicked at the thought of killing myself and always hoped I could just die by accident.

But good news. I somehow broke through that block yesterday like a shift in my mental understanding and feeling about the whole thing and though I cannot describe it I dont know how to describe it I can say I know I can now do it myself.

I don't have a specific method or plan yet but I know its going to involve blood loss and its gonna be soon. I know its gotta be at just the right moment though I'm not sure what that moment is I will know it when it comes.

It's actually making me feel happy knowing that I can now just do whatever and then the next moment casually sit down and destroy myself and my instincts to live wont stop me because its gone. Like a wall just fallen down around me. I am free.

I've felt suicidal, and sometimes, when feeling like this, my thoughts have turned to the 'practical side' of suicide, i.e. determining a method and setting about making plans etc.
I also know the mental block you speak of, something stopping you doing it, maybe the utter ghoulishness of the act itself is enough to freak me out. Maybe the fear of being a dis-embodied spirit, or, maybe fearing you will injure but not kill yourself. I'm familiar with all of these fears.
There are many people who survived serious attempts at suicide and were glad they survived.
The thing is, getting over that mental block is not positive, it means that your depression has now shifted to another level, and at this level, it is crucial that you need help, urgently.
Help can come in many forms, but preferably non drug help is required.

 

[herbavore]

I believe that the desire to die is often actually a very strong will to live differently. How would your life look if you could change it rather than leave it? Sometimes things are not as unchangeable or unattainable as we think.

I am approaching the last part of my life (it could be short or long depending on where I fall in the statistics) and things look very different from here. In my teens and early twenties I thought that I wanted to die. What i wanted was to change worlds. I have learned that you can create your world to an extent that I never believed possible. This does not mean putting on rose colored glasses and denying the horrible reality of the fate of our planet and all the species including our own. It means that you can still see beauty no matter when or where you are born on this earth. You can see it in yourself and others, in the smallest things around you and in the larger picture that extends far beyond your tiny window of perception. Being disconnected from this is a spiritual crisis and suicidal thoughts are common when suffering like this. I hope that you will give yourself the chance to pierce through perception and tap into a larger world where the pain you are feeling is not so acute. Challenge yourself courageously.((()))