Benzos Am I addicted to benzo's?

[Screaming_Skull]

So, since being on subs for the bast 22 months, I did good on JUST SUB for 4-5 months, then started taking benzo's with it. At first just every now again, but very SOON it was two weeks on two weeks off. The first two weeks have them everday(it was xanax/klonopin) then two weeks of nothing. Then since I never failed a drug test my doc put me on coming in every 2 months(but really I was going every three months, never seemed to notice or I guese that was okay) so once that happened it was like yay I could do everything again...smoke weed for 2 months, then take benzos up until about a week until my appointment. Seems like I never ran out, I one getting 90 klonopin selling me however much I wanted cuz they never took it, the other one with xanax 90# and klonipin 90# who would sell me however much I wanted of each, plus a few valiums when need the first 2months, also another 1mg hookup that had it sometimes, but I rarely used, these were ALL my old pain pill hook ups,lol. Then come Febuary this year and my doc wants me coming back every month so back to two weeks on two weeks off of benzos...no weed except the first 3/4 days after my appointment. Ever since then I have NOT FELT RIGHT since that. Deppressed as fuck, ANIXOUSS AS HELL, I feel slightly suicidal at times(but I really think it's because of my past benzo usage, everytime I have some(even a low dose like 2mg of klonopin, hell even 1mg I feel better). I was using alot I guese, taking up to 8(sometimes 12mg, but usually 4-8mg) of either xanax or klon or valium up to 40mg at most cuz they were my dads(but he doesn't take them..... has bottles extra cuz he doesn't take everyday) Oh, plus alot of gabapentin also.....

 

[Mad Dash]

yes.

 

[Screaming_Skull]

Ya, it had to have been that or I was going crazy. Now the benzo's arent as around as much as they use to be but did get about 38 klonopin and am gonna call this guy for footballs...I really hope he didn't get rid of them, hell had two scripts for 90, but tends to sell them...I would stop but FUCK the past 5 months have been HELL, I would rather be on benzo's than deal with that right now, trying to get back into school, work, etc...

 

[Mad Dash]

I would stay away from xanax as that is just going to keep ramping up your tolerance. Klonopin and Valium are what you need to be looking for as they have long half lifes, that way you can start lowering your dose, but not put yourself in WD. And unfortunately using the benzos the way you are is not good, on the street you never know when and if you are just gonna run out. Then using them in doses like that because of school and work is like putting a band-aid on a bullet wound.

 

[Screaming_Skull]

yes...i was thinking about getting offline because it will be a hundred times cheaper, and giving them to somebody to hold onto so I don't go on binges...or take low doses of Gabapentin for half the month because that helps GREATLY,and take the klonopin the first haf of the month...Gaba is unschedled so I might just see if my Sub doc will give me that...but for some reason I doubt it because it's a pain clinic and I know they write it for pain there for people, so they may not do that...

Edit: I really do suffer from anxiety, I'm not just trying to get fucked up now, though I was for a whie there.

 

[speedballs_over]

Yes, you're addicted and need a benzo to keep you out of w/ds every day. You need to get a script for Valium and have it cleared with your bupe physician. A diazepam or clonazepam taper is in order and ASAP - it only gets much worse.

It's a pickle you're in, but you need to get out. Keeping on the benzos isn't going to end well if you keep cranking that tolerance up. Also, ease off the dosages, try to take less each day, until you get a proper Ashton Manual style taper going on. You've got a pretty decent sized habit there, I'm not surprised you feel like hell with anxiety. It's normal for your situation. It's also not good for you, read up on BL about abrupt (cold turkey) benzo w/d. It's not a good idea for many reasons.

Best wishes, heed the advice here.

 

[Screaming_Skull]

Yes, I am taking less this time around...I'm not going on binges with them..my last binge was 90 gabapentin, 50 klonopin, a few bars I think, 40-45 footballs, and some 0.5mg xanax, I think 30 maybe 20, this was in a week and a half's time pretty much, maybe two. So I am definatley taking it easy, I don't feel like feeling like I'm going crazy this month... I just fucked up, I really wish my doctor didn't put me on the bi-monthy thing, and let me come in every three months...It's my fault though, not there's...I passed everything said I wasn't relapsing or using anything else, but I was vacationing with Roxi 30's every month for a few days and taking benzo's(though medical doses were needed, I was not taking medica doses..) I had gotten some Phenibut, a 100 gram tub to help when I didn't have anything and it helps SLIGHTLY, but I keep the doses low and don't use everyday(plus it lowers the siezure threashold so I'd rather not take it, but sometime the anxiety gets so bad I can't take it and will take low doses of it...I've had the same tub of it since march after my main hookup lost their 90 klons, and there is still plenty in it so no worries about getting hooked on that, made it a point not to, which isn't hard cuz it sucks after two days of continued use. But since I've gotten the klons yesterday, I felt like waking up today, eating(I haven't been abe to eat, I will be STARVING and have to force half a sandwhich in me, my energy is back...this is from 3mg yesterday and 1.5mg today. I have valim on hand not much, but some....the person I was able to pinch the valium off of(they knew I was doing it) doctor cut them down to 60 from 90...and YEARS ago it was 90 10mg valiums, bottles just laying around, and up until 21 I took those pretty reguarly, now it's just the 5mg ones, and 60 at that...
But my god, I guese after ten years of benzo abuse(I ate the 10mg ones like skittles in high school 2-3 nights a week, up to 60mg sometimes... first time I had em I was 14 and this was 13 years ago...but ya, anyone thinking about using them for a 'buzz' DONT. Way worse than getting off opiates because it just goes on and on, some days you will be okay, and then it's back... At least with a hydro/oxy habbit it's just a week of being sick then some PAWS but even Paws is a walk in the park compared ot this.. It might be worse for me since I've been taking them since a teen, though there were breaks in there.

 

[SmokingAces]

When the time comes and you run out, you will know. Diaz is forgiving compared to some of the more short acting ones.

 

[deos68]

if you have to ask yourself that question then yes you are
i'm a boozer i dont have to ask myself if i am an alcoholic because i already know that answer

 

[ShadowedLight]

if you have to ask yourself that question then yes you are
i'm a boozer i dont have to ask myself if i am an alcoholic because i already know that answer

This

 

[manboychef]

If you constantly think about it to the point of obsession...if you crave the flavor in your mouth. If you get that high on your way to get them...chances are you are addicted.

I realized I was addicted to opiates because I couldn't stop thinking about it, I would get sick or cranky without them, and I got extremely giddy on the way.

The problem with what you have stated is that you get physical symptoms from the cessation of use. This would technically be considered dependence. Though addiction and dependence go hand in hand, there is a distinct difference; addiction to benzos makes you wish you were dead, and dependence to benzos can kill you.