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Am I a drug addict or just bored?

B

BritishLad

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 5, 2010
Messages
265
Location
England
Hi well first a little about myself, I'm 20 a some what heavy drinker. Mainly because there is nothing else to take or do, I can go weeks without a drink but I see it as "why not?". I rarely get so drunk I get the spins or out of control, just enough for some euphoria and to remove my anxiety for a bit.
I recently had a huge crash from coming of my SSRIs, that and using MDMA to much and also cocaine. And an RC called Ethylphenidate, now I have had huge crashes before from using to much MDAI. Twice infact this one I tried to kill myself and also jump out of a windoe. I put it down to the SSRIs though but still I'm worried. Am I careless or just stupid and hooked on feeling high? I didn't start drinking until I was 19 (I'm 20 now) because my dad is a heavy drinker and user of other drugs and it put me off the idea.
I don't want to be like my dad, but at the same time drugs for some reason. Make me happy and it feels normal to me, many people on my mothers side are users of weed even some speed. So perhaps it's in me, or is that a lame excuse? Some advice please thank you all so much :)
 
Hi there sorry to hear you're in a rough spot. There is a suicide support thread up at the top of the dark side forum if you are feeling suicidal. I just wanted to recommend that because there are some awesome and understanding people there that will help you out.

I'm not so familiar with the depression that the MDAI and Ethylphenidate use could cause, but I can certainly relate to other withdrawal and bad feelings from drug use and just want to say we're here for you. If you need anything at all, or just someone to talk to, I'll be around for a bit. I wish you all the best.
 
Hi, I've asked myself some of the same questions you have. I don't know why I am the way I am (alcoholic/addict). I have lots of family members that have addiction issues - many have had those "issues" kill them. It, too, makes me wonder if there's something to the whole heredity thing. Over the years I've become a believer. That doesn't mean, I think, that I couldn't have made different choices and steered myself away from the shit I'm in now. Addiction is too complicated to blame one thing - for me, I can't place blame anywhere really, except the heredity thing a bit; maybe.
 
drugs aren't the answer to your boredom. You need to expand your interests, explore new activities so you have a better chance at finding something you are passionate about. If you already have anxiety or depression then I would avoid mdai, ethylphenidate and others. Sure they are fun at first but eventually you'll find they are contributing to your problems. I haven't used MDAI in a while but the ethylphenidate crash is too much for me, i get suicidal every time and basically have a big panic attack.
 
Oh I do, I write some music and get out with people as much as I can. Most of them use some drugs, but nothing heavy and not 24/7 only problem is we hang out at the pub. I can have a few pints and not have anymore for that night, but I use to get anxiety once alchol wore of which I don't know for some reason. And thanks :) I'm getting support at the moment with a local mental health place and hopefully will have someone to talk to about my issues I have with my mum. Which I can't talk to her about (have tried).
 
Hi, I read a few threads of yours mate and you have to understand people say this and that and don't know WHO they are aiming it at. Telling someone to finsh off all his pills and be gone might appear a joke but to the person it's either a joke or will trigger something.. How long have you been on Citropram? because they take days to work proper but carry ALOT of BAD SIDE effects which take weeks to become tolerent too!!!

Why were you put on Cit? DID YOU REALLY NEED TO GO ON IT?

Now I must address this, if your mum/dad used drugs or drank then obviously growing up you will have problems BUT don't just take them and think "it's normal" - I know it feels that way mate,.

Now depression and suicide - was this a problem BEFORE SSRI's or not?

I know little on SSRIS SO what I say please correct me!!!

One thing I would say on them DO NOT TAKE MDMA so Serotonic drugs like maybe MDAI, Ritalin+EPH are pretty much just Dopaminic so I think thats ok. Now there's boshing drugs and then ending up a wreck near killing yourself and combining drugs.

So Are you a drug addict? well it appears you're binging a bit but that's not being an addict maybe keep a log of what you use and why and how much?

Another thing you may be depressed and you said "because my dad is a heavy drinker and user of other drugs" - what did you mean by other just other drugs in general or was you hiding he was a Heroin addict or Crack Cocaine addict or something?

I am going to PM you, with msn details maybe or something? Be friends? I have read some of your posts and I am quite worried, I used to have similar problems to you - panic attacks? paranoia? - ONE THING THAT FUCKED me was jwh018 (like thc/weed but super pure) I don't weed or had used it - so I NEVER used 0.001 scales!!! but did 40mg and devided to what should be an ok dose. It was panic and aweful, I gave the drug 3-4 times more and inside I knew I shouldn't die but it was trippy and scary and even after finshing upto 6 months later I had flashbacks. I would randomally start tripping a bit (even on holiday) and I kept thinking (due to HOW POTENT this stuff is) that my food would be spiked with it or I some how took it by mistake. I could never use cannabis as that brought it back. I have ALOT of paranioa buying drugs and them being wrong chemicals so that mephedrone is 2cb. And then overdosing - when I take any drug but a benzo and think I may be near too much/overdose or that line was too much and will kill me I will get flash backs. It's been 5 years and things are better by alot.

RobotRipping said:
drugs aren't the answer to your boredom.
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Mate, listen to this, seriously. I was into stims at 18 (started drugs) but a drug called GBL I had in HUGE amounts and I noticed it numbed boredom, I got hooked - detoxed off, back on in the end I swapped it for an opiate addiction and then was hooked on benzos. WHEN I take any drug before I do I say "well after this line I can sort them emails" - being hooked 4-5 years it's just NOW I think underlying the boredom I numbed was because of MOTIVATION,

Have you heard of Nooptropics? like mildly stimulate you and help alot there's these ones called *racetams, NO HIGH but they helped my add and focus problems.
 
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Been on them for nearly a year, the depression and suicide was much worse before the SSRIs. Infact I could barely socialise, would spend months on end not meeting people and only leaving the house to go to the local shop.
Perhaps logs are a good idea, maybe even a sort of emotion diary to go with it? Sure mate I don't mind talking on MSN :) And I mean my dad smokes weed, does speed some MDMA. And his face is rather wrinkly, me and my mum think he was an ex heroin addict. He is also a huge racist sadly and homophob, which doesn't help much giving my questionable sexuality.
 
people who don't take ssri's saying they have crazy side effects is getting real fucking old.
 
Agreed tbh, they don't. The only side effect I seem to have is when I miss a dose and decreasedsex drive. I'd say depersonalization and dry mouth, but I get that any without meds infact I get it less now that I'm on them.
 
i used to get insomnia and not being able to orgasm. get neither now i'm used to them. brain zaps if i stop taking them for a few days without a taper. small price to pay for not wanting to kill myself IMO.
 
Yeah I have trouble sleeping and getting up to, tho did before but I think it's worse now. Also get them shock feelings when I stop them, and huge depressiong, confusion combined with suicidal ideation. At first I found it hard to get aroused and orgasm, I guess now that I'm use to them it goes. Even though I'm now on 30mg instead of what I use to be on which was 10mg at first.
 
the shock feelings are called brain zaps as well, not sure if you know that from reading your post. sounds like the benefits outweigh the negatives for you which is great.
 
They do, only problem is sleeping but tbh never had much luck there. At first my sex drive was effected, now it's some what settled and is lower but if I want to I can get in the mood with little to no problem. What I really need is some sleeping pills, tried it natually and can never nod off at the right hours even if I stay up and go out at good times. I find myself being able to sleep once my mind is turned on it wants to keep doing stuff and stay awake as long as possible...
 
My dopamine hypothesis: everyone is a dopamine addict! We just have different sources for dopamine: some get it from love, others from friendship; some from accomplishment, others from drugs. Dopamine truly is the driving force of life.

If you tend to get it from healthy things like exercise or accomplishment, it is self-limiting, and usually never becomes a problem. Drugs are not self-limiting; you can chase the high as far as you want.

Some people who are naturally deficient in it, such as people with ADD/ADHD, get used to supplementing their prefrontal cortex with exogenous dopamine, leading to drug addiction if they begin to like the other, non-dopamine side effects of these drugs, or begin to chase the dopamine past therapeutic DA levels and in to euphoric levels.
 
True, I was told I had ADHD then conduct disorder, then low level aspergs or autism. So who knows what I've got, I just know I like to feel a rush but wouldn't do anything mental like rob some where for it. Just drugs or perhaps something energetic like sports to get it.
 
RobotRipping said:
drugs aren't the answer to your boredom. You need to expand your interests, explore new activities so you have a better chance at finding something you are passionate about. If you already have anxiety or depression then I would avoid mdai, ethylphenidate and others. Sure they are fun at first but eventually you'll find they are contributing to your problems. I haven't used MDAI in a while but the ethylphenidate crash is too much for me, i get suicidal every time and basically have a big panic attack.
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I think many people who have interests yet continue to take a lot of substances do it because it makes hobbies/tasks more interesting. If there was no such thing as tolerance...
 
Xamkou said:
I think many people who have interests yet continue to take a lot of substances do it because it makes hobbies/tasks more interesting. If there was no such thing as tolerance...
Click to expand...

I agree, I do the same thing, enhance my experiences, certain drugs ruin my hobbies and even my desire to do anything other than get high. I had to start relearning to enjoy things without drugs, things like video games, music, being outside. I got so used to doing certain things while high that i would refuse to do them without being high first and that's where it became limiting.

I find myself being able to sleep once my mind is turned on it wants to keep doing stuff and stay awake as long as possible...
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that's exactly my problem, can't seem to turn my brain off. I find wearing myself out naturally helps, also slowly winding down before going to sleep, and meditation if possible. It's also good to have a schedule. I am a night person, always have been so i stopped fighting it so much and that certainly helps.
 
Same mate, my problem is not having a schedule. Without it I'm I prefer the night, I do try to sleep well get out a lot and force myself in bed. But not matter what I can't, I can go without drugs if I have to but to be honest. I havn't been a user for a lot, I like to think of my self as an experimenter. I use and like to report it, even if I don't report it I learn from the experiance which is true I think. If I didn't try weed I don't think I'd know half as much as I do about myself as I do now.
 
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