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Always having to apologize

T

TiggerLuvsX

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 4, 2000
Messages
143
Location
Lafayette, Louisiana
How is it possible to love someone so much,
yet still always be fucking up when it comes to them??
He makes me happy
He makes me smile
He does no wrong,
So, why am I still a bitch to him??
Why do I let the tiniest thing aggravate me
when all he is doing is playing around?
Why does he stay?
I know a person can only take so much.
How long before he decides I am crazy
and leaves like all the ones before?
Others have said they loved me,
even as much as he says....
but, where are they now??
I don't want him to be like the others.
He fills a need in me,
something I can't be without now...
He is taking a drive right now
to cool his head...
how long before he takes that drive
and never comes back?
Someone help me find the sanity and clarity
that I am lacking...
Someone help me realize
I have the world standing in front of me...
Someone kick me in the ass and tell me
not to let history repeat itself...
because I have it good
and I am the lucky one...
[ 14 January 2003: Message edited by: TiggerLuvsX ]
 
I know when I haven't been happy with myself I've taken it out on other people. At least you realize you are being bitchy I think that says a lot
 
^
^
^
sometimes, it doesn't though.
I'm sorry for you to feel this way..... but just know that you are not alone.
 
sometimes when i fight with my love, i always end up blaming myslef, knowing that 75% of the time its me, my attitude and my bitchiness that sets the mood for our arguments. Sometimes its ok...sometimes i hate myself for it. Thinking if i continue to act that he will eventually get tired of it. I think my biggest problem is that i am a little too sensetive for my own good. But hey, its not my fault i am like that ;)
You are concious of this, and that is really very important. Everyday i wake up ( i think we both do now) and try and see how we can make each day better for eachother, and prevent arguing over STUPID LITTLE THINGS THAT ARE NOT IMPORTANT. How i can change a little bit so that a discussion takes place RATHER than an arguement. A relationship takes work, and in my case it takes adjustment. If you love eachother, as much as i know you do, you will find it within your hearts to make everything ok for both of you
Goodluck Dore.
 
i do it too. i guess we are all guilty of it. the past does have a tendency to haunt. people used to say that and i used to laugh, but i see it happening in my own life, and much life your poetry describes, i fucking hate it. i hate that i let things that made me mad, upset, worried, sad, or annoyed in the past creep up in the present, when they really have no place there. like when my boyfriend is late coming over, and all i can think is... where is he? who is he with? and i get all paranoid, but i have no reason to be. he's exactly where he says he is. he isn't out having sex with 16-year olds like my ex. he isn't backstabbing me at my friends house. he's exactly where he says he is. and sometimes, i forget that men don't always know why we are upset, or what we need to hear... i just keep focusing on what he's NOT saying, and what he's NOT doing... but the truth is, he's the best guy, the best friend and companion and the most honest boyfriend i ever had... and he doesn't deserve how i treat him sometimes.
but we are human. we forget. and when someone fucked with your head long enough, it lingers... sometimes for a very long time. its inevitable. just think of it as a test of strength... an obstacle in life. dont feel defeated by it, or sorry. just believe that this person is not the last person, and all the people before him -- he's just him. and he's probably great.
 
I'm confused...I come in here to read my replies, because my e-mail tells me that I have six new ones. I only have five....it said raverdave replied also... am I blind? Am I the only one who doesn't see a reply from him?? Just wondering if I'm crazy?!?! Thanks!!
 
^^^ dave and i live together, and sometimes i forget to sign off as him, and make replies using his name not realizing! So i deleted it and made the post from me Sorry girl.
 
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