Was it so long ago
That she felt all these fears?
Trying to make sense of
The recent years -
A sense of direction developed
For all to see
But her.
In her dreams she still obsesses
Over every detail,
Every choice made.
Wondering if a chance
To make it right will come.
Knowing that she hasn't learnt
A thing in all this time -
Except the hurt she sees
Doesn't go away,
Just because she wills it gone.
She still trusts sparingly,
Yet blindly stares at
Other's actions and intentions.
So long as they will suit
Self sabotage.
Rationalisation
So perfect.
The words she should've said,
In so many different ways,
At those times when she thought
She was strongest -
Her silence and acquiesence
Screamed out vulnerability
Unrecognised.
And in the midst of it all
She stood, staring in disbelief
At the contradictory creature
She had created in herself.
Proud of the chaos she could finally
Lend from within to those around her,
With that strange composed facade
Dispersing suspicion away
From her fragile porcelain doll features.
That she felt all these fears?
Trying to make sense of
The recent years -
A sense of direction developed
For all to see
But her.
In her dreams she still obsesses
Over every detail,
Every choice made.
Wondering if a chance
To make it right will come.
Knowing that she hasn't learnt
A thing in all this time -
Except the hurt she sees
Doesn't go away,
Just because she wills it gone.
She still trusts sparingly,
Yet blindly stares at
Other's actions and intentions.
So long as they will suit
Self sabotage.
Rationalisation
So perfect.
The words she should've said,
In so many different ways,
At those times when she thought
She was strongest -
Her silence and acquiesence
Screamed out vulnerability
Unrecognised.
And in the midst of it all
She stood, staring in disbelief
At the contradictory creature
She had created in herself.
Proud of the chaos she could finally
Lend from within to those around her,
With that strange composed facade
Dispersing suspicion away
From her fragile porcelain doll features.
