xsilentsinx
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Sep 23, 2011
- Messages
- 2
So..my daughters father and i use to shoot and sell dope together. When we found out i was pregnant i went onto a methadone program, and stopped. He didnt. Long story short...now...2 years later..and after 2 arrests...he's upstate in a TC..and im forced to live in his parents house with our chid. I know that he's going thru a real tough time..ive been thru it myself...but he fails to see what i had and have gone thru. During my active addiction i never once considered what i was putting anyone who loved me through...i just didnt care. Now..being on THIS side of the equation has truly opened up my eyes. The sleepless nights...jumpin every time the phone rings, thinkin its gonna be the cops or the hospital.
Dont get me wrong i am FAR from an angel...after 2 whole years drug free...i have started dabbling when i go out (only when im ALONE...sans child) and i know i will have time to come down and sober up before i have to go home. I guess it just really hurts. It took him getting arrested...TWICE...going to jail then a year long TC...getting high IN the TC and then being transferred to an upstate one...for him to "realize" that his daughter is worth getting clean over.
i dunno..i know they say you cant get clean for anyone but you, but i think thas bullshit. My daughter and the dfear of loosing her or worse cleaned me up. Not to mention it made me see what is truly important in life. I KNOW that if my kid was never born God only knows where id be...prolly dead with the way i was going. So..in essense she saved my life..and changed me from in the inside out..and for the better. I just hope and pray that when he comes home he'll be able to see how amaizing life can be without having to stick a fuckin needle into his arm.
NOT A MORNING GOES BY WHERE I DONT WAKE UP AND THANK MY LUCKY STARS I DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT BEING DOPE SICK!! Those of u whom know what REAL dope withdrawl is like...know what i am talking about. That stress and worry about getting sick..and how to get more dope and when. will it be good? will it hold you over night? All that....ok anyway so ive rambled...so what. i feel better having said this..
Dont get me wrong i am FAR from an angel...after 2 whole years drug free...i have started dabbling when i go out (only when im ALONE...sans child) and i know i will have time to come down and sober up before i have to go home. I guess it just really hurts. It took him getting arrested...TWICE...going to jail then a year long TC...getting high IN the TC and then being transferred to an upstate one...for him to "realize" that his daughter is worth getting clean over.
i dunno..i know they say you cant get clean for anyone but you, but i think thas bullshit. My daughter and the dfear of loosing her or worse cleaned me up. Not to mention it made me see what is truly important in life. I KNOW that if my kid was never born God only knows where id be...prolly dead with the way i was going. So..in essense she saved my life..and changed me from in the inside out..and for the better. I just hope and pray that when he comes home he'll be able to see how amaizing life can be without having to stick a fuckin needle into his arm.
NOT A MORNING GOES BY WHERE I DONT WAKE UP AND THANK MY LUCKY STARS I DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT BEING DOPE SICK!! Those of u whom know what REAL dope withdrawl is like...know what i am talking about. That stress and worry about getting sick..and how to get more dope and when. will it be good? will it hold you over night? All that....ok anyway so ive rambled...so what. i feel better having said this..
