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lilygirl

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 17, 2001
Messages
598
Location
over the rainbow
I feel the pressure increasing
pressure from everyone around me
I just want a release, a momentary happiness
A break from the black
I try to find comfort
Helpless
I bury the knife in me
I bury my problems and insecurities in the rushing blood
The pleasure in the pain, I long for it
An addiction
People tell me what I do is wrong
That I'm not finding happiness
Well, there's no other way, I've fallen too far
I'm in pieces
The constant complaining about minuscule troubles, everyone talking about themselves
I find more solace alone
So here I am, alone again, doing the only thing that makes life worth living
Bringing myself closer to death
 
DAMN GIRL!! been there myself...
sad truth is when your gone your gone...
it would be a loss because if you can write like that you are on your way to recovery...
self-infliction needs more than what i can offer,,,please try calling a hotline...look in the yellow pages..or your local mental health office...
hate to see you disappear like the rest of the kids who weren't heard...
 
Lily- beautiful, i know that you are going through a lot of pain and you know i am too. i feel your pain too, and it hurts just to look at your wrists- i hope that you will be on your way to recovery soon. best wishes, your best bud- ~Ash aka Roxie
 
lilygirl~i know how you are feeling right now, i have been there before...i completely relate to your words. Just remember, the only thing that will free you from all of this pain isn't the knife - it's you. You have to look inside yourself and figure out who you are and what will make you happy. The key to happiness is to love yourself... stay strong.
smile.gif
 
mm'kay... so it just happens that last night i was sifting through all of my old poetry and such and i came across a poem i wrote a few years back when i had a friend that was going through the same situation... ummm yeah... its not that great of a poem but i just thought i'd share:
on the edge of light and darkness,
there you will find my friend.
who doesnt want to live,
but doesnt want life to end.
she denies anything is wrong
but i can see it in her eyes
she's hurting all the time
and she's living in her lies.
she cant be happy
she wont let herself be.
i try to help her,
but away she pushes me.
but if i dont come back in time,
she'll pull out the knife,
feel sorry for herself,
and scar herself for life.
she constantly cuts herself
and says its no big deal
with scars all over herself,
this seems so unreal.
(written 1-10-97)
and if i were to add anyting onto it today:
i only wish i could make her see
that this is not the way out
a cry for help
tears of pain
the thing she doesnt realize
is that when she hurts herself,
she is also hurting a piece of me.
i dunno what to say. i hope things start looking up for you. my best advice - dont keep it all inside - talk to someone or something - its good that you are writing as a release, for i also find it a good release when emotions take over.
never stop dreaming
Mellabopper
 
it can only get better!! (at least that's what they always tell me)
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E-girl
IM: tiggersgurl2067
"...there are 2 paths, you can go back, but in the long run... there's still time to change the road you're on..."
 
Lily~ I think that I've read this 20 times, and every time, I linger on your closing line "So here I am, alone again, doing the only thing that makes life worth living
Bringing myself closer to death." Lil, life is worth living, you just have to find your niche, you just have to find whatever gives you the (god forgive me for using the elementary saying) warm fuzzies. You're such a beautiful person and you can write from the heart and express yourself through your writing. <> Here's to you, babe, be happy, be free, be yourself.
Roxie
P.S. Guess what? I made it, I am officially a Bluelighter!
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"...The heartbeat will never fade. The party will never end. I am a raver, and this is my manifesto."
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