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alone in tokyo

FUTURAmike

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 4, 2004
Messages
2,529
I wake up in the same haze that blankets the earth
a pack of cigarettes torn open
the cotton tip hangs from my mouth
riveted denim to protect my legs from cold
a yellow flame and orange ash
combing through my hair with my fingers
I stare into the city below
smoke pours from my nostrils

on the street
blue dawn creeps in
I walk below the surface
worn steps and buzzing lights
graffiti and dust
cufflinks and briefcases
I climb aboard the next train
a murmur, then silence
The doors close with a mechanical hum
the sound of screaming metal dulled by thick plexiglass
the lights flicker briefly as I arrive
squeezing past businessmen in their tiny suits
I bow

emerging from the subterranian network
the light outside makes me squint
10,000 footsteps echo off of concrete walls
each step melting into the next
an ocean of sound and people
I fight against the oncoming current
and make my way out of the main stream
through a dim alley
I lean back against the cool wall behind me
light another cigarette
and close my eyes
an old man shouts and ceramic bowls clink against each other
exhaling slowly
I turn and make my way into the small diner
I order miso
and drink it quickly
a respectful bow and respectable tip later
I'm on the street again

the bay is in sight
a cold breeze blows off the water and through my hair
I lean on the railing
the paint is falling off
a fisherman drifts by in his overloaded boat
I watch him until he's out of sight
and peer into the dark water
I dive over the edge
and sink to the bottom
my eyes open and I inhale deeply


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Great poem man, I dig it. I think you capture some of the important essence of the location.
I would especially love to see this poem put on a website, with accompanied artistically taken photos for each paragraph..with a strong visual narrative it would just be plain fucking stupendous.
Keep writing.
 
thanks tons guys :)

I think that picture narrative idea is awesome... I've never been to tokyo or japan (but am obsessed with both) but when I do go I'll do that. Check this thread in a couple years for updates :p
 
i think i read this in your journal..
anyways, i really like it.
wonderful imagery, a very emotive piece.
 
I was hoping you'd comment, rareform. :) I always seem like an immature stupid ass at first glance. Most people that dont know me well think I'm an idiot, haha.

Glad you liked it man. Words is a great forum, I wish it was a bit more active though. I'll try to write more and post here.

peace
mike
 
I hate to bump my own thread, but I'd like some more feedback (This is the one and only time I'll bump it)

thanks all
mike
 
a lot of sensory information, very well put together, as if it were a dream... you know?

I like the end a lot too.. Not quite sure what the significance is, or maybe I'm just not at liberty to put another word to it.
 
FUTURAmike said:
I was hoping you'd comment, rareform. :) I always seem like an immature stupid ass at first glance. Most people that dont know me well think I'm an idiot, haha.

Glad you liked it man. Words is a great forum, I wish it was a bit more active though. I'll try to write more and post here.

peace
mike

Honestly, I figured you were intelligent, because you seem like an immature stupid ass and people like you. :D

and it's now that i feel like quoting Aldous Huxley :D:

"An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex."

anyway, yes certainly post more and post them here :D
 
This is very clean and precise...very matter-of-fact. I enjoy reading pieces that aren't cluttered with too many adjectives. Good stuff :)
 
Key: I love that song, lost in translation is one of my favorite films for what should be obvious reasons ;)

Rareform: thanks again bro, I'm working on something else tonight. :)

Sara:
24.gif
=D
 
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