Alone in this nightmare

[NightsEpiphany]

Psychosis is your unconscious becoming conscious. Possibly drugs have caused your unconscious fears to manifest too rapidly. We all have to face up to our fears and overcome them but in my opinion we need to submit to God and let Him help us to slay our dragons.

I took too many psychedelics and went seriously mental for over a year...I thought in the end I was schizophrenic when I focussed on my self, my fears, shame, guilt and other such giants I needed to defeat.. I did overcome them by the grace of God and have learnt so much.

I empathise with what you have been through. There is hope. I came through it and feel saner and stronger right now than ever in my life. You can get through it too. The 'little you' metaphor is sweet...you could also see yourself as a warrior.

Your psychosis won't hurt you unless you react to it. If you're not spiritual try to bring your mind constantly to the present...'now' is consciousness...reflecting on the past or future is unreal and dream like. The present can be a refuge of sanity.

I know what its like to long for death too but nobody has mentioned yet that the other side could be worse if you top yourself. Please hang on in there and stay in the light..think of beautiful things..look at beautiful things, try to go for long walks, eat healthy foods and avoid watching dark stuff on the tv.
...
You can come through it and be stronger. Follow your instinct with the pills..if they are making you feel ill don't have them..but there are some that might help.

I wish you peace of mind but most of all to know God as your shield and know the security of having the Angel of the Lord and the host of heaven surrounding you and protecting you. Seek Him if you haven't already. You don't have to be alone in your nightmare.

Blessings and gentle, lovely vibes to you.

 

[Lord]

Thank you so much. I love you, and I loved the support I got in this thread. I am in a semi-stable active addiction and am now trying to get clean again. 10 months sober was heaven!

 

[herbavore]

Wow, Lord, you wrote that post back when you were 17. I am glad that you survived and even happier to hear that you intend/want to quit. What support do you have for doing so?

 

[Lord]

I go to NA meetings, though not nearly as much as when I was clean. I was going to 4-5 a week on average, celebrated my medallion after relapsing at 10.5 months clean. I kept telling people but they said I deserve it and so on, even members let alone my family. I got into taking 50mg of vyvanse once per week which was a beautiful, euphoric, spiritual period of my life for several months. I made contact with some interesting entity-related phenomenon (or my own amplified intuition?) by listening to music. This happened "by chance" when I took my regular 50mg the day after My mother had just about run out of clonazepam (0.1mg instead of 0.5mg) and when I took the vyvanse, the voice stayed. It taught me some wonderful things, like how the most likely path in existence, the reason we exist consciously, is to experience everything, every possible combination and variation, not that currently exists but that would exist theoretically, as in a mathematical process, LSD, or something possibly like a fractal of sorts). Anyway, my family tries and often succeeds at bring supporting, though my mom is getting older and less healthy, especially that she is seeing my pain and addiction.

I have great friends who mostly don't use drugs. I still do. I've lost track of life and feel like I'm on a path towards insanity. The mind control is still there. However... at the end of the day, I am happy. most days. Sometimes manic as well.

Love, Daniel