I feel so alone now, been having some very strage dreams here lately. I don't know if they are trying to tell me something or what is going on.
Here lately I have been trying to become active, show my self a little more. You know, looking productive like I'm a contributing member of society.
I hate putting on a front, telling people and showing people that I am happy, and everything is ok, but the fact of the matter is I'm really torn in the inside, after what has happened to me in my life I always look for that way to escape it all.
I have very little time left to know what to do. I have very little room to, and nothing to my name.
What is there for me to do? What are my options? I can't accept that I'm going to be homeless for ever, or I'm going to live in the darkness for ever. I know that someday things are going to be good.
I just don't see that right now, in this very second of my life.
I have thought of suicide countless times, ways, who's and hows, I just end up talking it out with people, and feel better. Then I go through the exact same feelings later and do the exact same thing again. Eventually those people are going to go their own ways, and then I will be left alone to solve these problems, and that really scares the shit out of me.
I don't know why I keep putting up with all of this.
I know the answer ( or the short answer) but I guess that I'm to big of a pussy to do any of that.
For now I'm going back into my depressive state, and block the sunlight out. Back under the covers.
Here lately I have been trying to become active, show my self a little more. You know, looking productive like I'm a contributing member of society.
I hate putting on a front, telling people and showing people that I am happy, and everything is ok, but the fact of the matter is I'm really torn in the inside, after what has happened to me in my life I always look for that way to escape it all.
I have very little time left to know what to do. I have very little room to, and nothing to my name.
What is there for me to do? What are my options? I can't accept that I'm going to be homeless for ever, or I'm going to live in the darkness for ever. I know that someday things are going to be good.
I just don't see that right now, in this very second of my life.
I have thought of suicide countless times, ways, who's and hows, I just end up talking it out with people, and feel better. Then I go through the exact same feelings later and do the exact same thing again. Eventually those people are going to go their own ways, and then I will be left alone to solve these problems, and that really scares the shit out of me.
I don't know why I keep putting up with all of this.
I know the answer ( or the short answer) but I guess that I'm to big of a pussy to do any of that.
For now I'm going back into my depressive state, and block the sunlight out. Back under the covers.