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kapua

kapua

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 15, 2013
Messages
56
Location
Maui
I'm a 44 year old mother with a very small yet life-crippling addiction to methadone, which I pinch from my husband's monthly stash. I have tried almost everything (except cold turkey) to kick. I'm currently rx'd Adderall, klonopin, xanax (only 15/month the dr is scared of it becoming a habit lol) and the a/d Lexapro.
The only thing that gives me relief, euphoria, energy, is the Methadone.
My husband has hid his stash (which I'm desperate to find) because I found I can almost get by on 10mg a day (I've taken as much as 70mg a day off and on for 2 years).

I'm an alcoholic and have been without a drink for almost 7 years. Before getting clean I'd use Percs to get rid of the DTs from the alcohol w/d.

I'm simply humiliated and disgusted with myself.
I've found a lot of useful information on BL and I hope I can co tribute to the discussion.

Thanks for listening.
 
Hiya Kapua,

Welcome to Bluelight.

Please try not to feel disgusted with yourself.
I would advise you to have a look at the recovery section where there are people who know exactly what you're going through n can try to help n advise you.

Also well done on 7 years without drinking. That's an excellent achievement.
All the best,
Evey xxxx
 
Thanks for the kind words. I've been a Major Depressive my whole life and I was proud of my sobriety but really I've just turned myself into an addict cos I'm self-medicating. I just haven't found joy in my life, or a reason to live clean and sober. I'm very afraid of losing my daughter if my husband knew how bad I've become.
And what's worse is I've built up a tolerance to almost every opiate and I'm so upset that if and when I really need pain relief, nothing will work and my Drs will think I'm drug seeking.

I'll definitely check out the recovery boards. Aloha?
 
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