Almost one year clean....not feeling so happy about it. WHY??

[Stormy79]

I have almost one year clean (10/6/2012) Why am I not jumping for joy? I should be proud and happy and living the "good" life, right? Why am I not feeling this?? I mean, it's like, why is everyone so proud of me for being "normal" and not being a damn junkie? I don't get it. I guess my head is just that fucked up....gotta love what those damn drugs do to you, huh??

 

[Natureverse]

Because being clean off drugs does not mean you will experience everlasting happiness. It just means that your physical body will not depend on the drugs you were using (I will assume heroin), allowing you live life without constantly craving for the high... which, let's face it, is also not the answer for having a ''good life''.

Forget what society tells you and expects from you. Whether a person does drugs or not, most people are angry/sad/depressed because that's the way society conditioned itself and is continuing to do so... making us feel victimized and worthless.

I think inner work is the key. Realize you create what your life is. You create the goodness/badness of it. You choose what your reality will be. Remember, there is always the situation (which is neutral... good/bad does not exist there), and then there is what YOU make it mean. You give meaning to it, by making your thought of it your reality.
Change your outlook on life. Realize you have a choice.
''Normal'' is just what the ''Norm'' accepts, hence society. In my opinion, society is far from ''normal''.

May I ask what drug(s) did you give up?

Search ''Alan Watts'' on youtube... Listening to him always makes me feel at peace



Take care.

 

[Stormy79]

You are probably so right....I do really need to change my outlook on life. I guess I am still dealing with, the okay, I am clean, what the fuck do I do now?? shit! I will get through this, just thought by now, I would be a lot happier instead of being just as miserable when using. To answer your question I gave up heroin (insulfflated only) roxy's insullflated only as well and any other opiate pain killers I could get my hands on. Hard stuff to come off of and I had a HUGE habit. I will get over this...thanks for your reply

 

[Natureverse]

You're clean, now get over it. What are you gonna do now? There is potential for everything and anything. You can choose to follow the habit of 'I'm clean butmy life is not that good' or let that idea go and create a life that you want from this moment. Also it's good to realize for yourself that quitting heroin is good for you, from you... instead of thinking that it was a good choice because people told you to do so.
I'm glad you came off all that Never had a serious drug habit but I've seen the difficulty people face.

Remember if there is a bad side of life then there has to be a good side (Yin-Yang)... If you have a habit of continuously thinking/focusing on the 'bad' side, it's just a habit you picked up and your mind will keep noticing the 'bad' side until you let go of that and instead make it a habit to recognize the 'good' side (affirmations are amazing).

It's amazing what the human mind can do. If you teach a woman that child-birth isn't painful, but perhaps pleasant (rather than the way society sees it now), child-birth to that woman will in fact be pleasant. Crazy isn't it?

What is your ''life-story'' now? For example if it is: I came off heroin and my life is still shit, I feel sad and bored all the time. I can't find anyone that cares for me blablabla.
You can change it to ''I came off heroin and I feel amazing, in fact even more amazing every morning I wake up. My life is fantastic and I always find peace in every moment. I feel joyful and I meet awesome people everyday who I can connect with blabla'' and so on.... You will accept that outlook on life as quick as you allow yourself to accept it. Telling yourself this is not actually faking it, it's creating it, just like you created that ''shitty'' story of your current life by 'faking' it which now you accept it as your outlook on life, you can do the opposite by faking (which is actually creating) the opposite.

Then you will actually take that view of life, only if you make it your 'reality' by changing your 'life story(or whatever you wanna call it)'' from what you currently think of yourself to what you want it to be. Both are just stories though. Whatever happened has happened and you are the one giving it a good/bad meaning.

Just a little insight.

Good luck

 

[herbavore]

^I like what you are saying, Natureverse.

OP, I also think that getting off heroin was what you had to do for obvious reasons but that was the step you had to take to position yourself. Now that you are in position to create the self and the life you want it is up to you to do that. Most of us find this very scary--to know that the way our life goes is very much determined by us. There is absolutely no prescription for life. Yes, the media tries to tell us there is---but it's a lie. I would guess that "normal" is pretty boring to most people on Bluelight, but "normal" is just a set of ideas that you can go along with or not. Find people that celebrate life by becoming one of those people. Every day, take 1 minute to write down something you are grateful for. Since you are still struggling with being newly sober maybe you could make it relate to good changes in your life since quitting H. But really, it can be anything. We have to retrain our minds away from what this culture needs us to feel in order to keep selling things to us. I don't know how old you are but I can safely assume you are lots younger than me (almost 60). Life starts going by faster and faster the older you get. Appreciate your youth, your strength, your resilience and look for what makes you happy in work, in relationships and where you live and then start working to get those things in place in your life. Having goals like that really helps. Huge congratulations on one year. That took a lot of strength and determination.

 

[jones-in_J]

For what it's worth i was in your same exact position about six months ago. I wasnt happy with my life clean so i got back on heroin and its been trying to destroy my life in everu way ever since i got back on it.... god i wish i could go back and be a little smarter befoee i jumped back on the wagon

Please stay clean and try to live your life to the fullest, id kill to be in your position again right now.....