almost 40 and single

[Foreigner]

I agree. With a compatible partner, you don't feel lonely. They truly cure the loneliness if it is a good relationship. You grow together and make each others lives better. It is easier to get through life's obstacles and cope with existential dilemmas. You are happier. There is nothing temporary about it if it is a life-long relationship. I have no wish to live my life as a monk. How ironic that I work in a monk's cell in a former ancient monastery.

^ doesn't sound like you've been in love, or you wouldn't describe a partner as a 'temporary distraction' or something to 'maintain.' in fact having a partner can enrich your life in so many ways, and u can battle that existential crisis together.

Oh I've been in love, heh. I don't believe people who say they never experience loneliness when they're with a partner. I'm not talking about temporal loneliness that comes and goes, but the inner solitude of being human. Unless you can merge 100% with another person, then there's a lot you still have to deal with solo.

What I'm saying is that it doesn't solve your problems. Loneliness is the human condition. You're always alone, even if you're with someone. If you need someone else to feel complete in life then you're always going to be making your well being someone else's responsibility, in some way. No one can truly take you away from yourself.

I'm not saying anyone should be a monk. I too would like a life partner... key words would like, not must have.

 

[llama112]

What I'm saying is that it doesn't solve your problems. Loneliness is the human condition. You're always alone, even if you're with someone. If you need someone else to feel complete in life then you're always going to be making your well being someone else's responsibility, in some way. No one can truly take you away from yourself.

Exactly.
It's important to be able to live happily alone before you can truly be happy with someone else. It's not healthy to rely on others for happiness.

Back to the OP, there is nothing wrong with you. You'll find someone at some point. Sometimes it just takes longer for some people.

 

[socko]

...

What I'm saying is that it doesn't solve your problems. Loneliness is the human condition. You're always alone, even if you're with someone. If you need someone else to feel complete in life then you're always going to be making your well being someone else's responsibility, in some way. No one can truly take you away from yourself.

I'm not saying anyone should be a monk. I too would like a life partner... key words would like, not must have.

You have it backwards. Of course It solves the problem because lack of a partner is the problem. It's very real and people die from loneliness. When the partner is gone, you find somebody else. it's not about making your well being somebody else responsibility. It's about finding a life partner. The line about being able to live happily alone first... it misses the point. Most already have and do live happily enough alone. If most people were satisfied with that and with their mother being there best friend for life, nobody would bother to fall in love or have a relationship, ever.

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

This should be in another forum.. seems like a YOU problem. Go see a therapist about that depression OP!

 

[belfort]

again im not really sure.....i can hardly get out of bed most days and im slipping away from reality because i stopped caring about life...probably depressed and dont know what to do.

dont even think about a relationship if you are in this state..u will just drag the other person down with you..work on yourself first..exercising every day would be a good first start

 

[pofacedhoe]

Exactly.
It's important to be able to live happily alone before you can truly be happy with someone else. It's not healthy to rely on others for happiness.

Back to the OP, there is nothing wrong with you. You'll find someone at some point. Sometimes it just takes longer for some people.

here here!

exactly

 

[nygiants1313]

Just buy a mail order bride. Save up like you were to buy a car and once you get to 10k you can order her