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Recovery Almost 3 months/feeling alone

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bakerdaisies

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 25, 2016
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Hey guys! This is only my 2nd post of bluelight so I hope I'm following the rules and such correctly. I hit my 3 month mark recently and tonight I'm proud to say I finally got the courage to throw all my paraphernalia away. I'm not sure why I felt the need to hang on to them this long but it was a both a relief and a kind of a...sadness? to finally dispose of everything. I've been feeling pretty alone lately. My best friendship was destroyed due to mutual drug use and it's been hitting me hard. Has anyone else felt intense loneliness when they were newly sober? I've been trying to stay busy but it's rough and I feel like the lonines definitely adds to the cravings. I appreciate y'alls advice and wisdom.
 
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bakerdaisies said:
Hey guys! This is only my 2nd post of bluelight so I hope I'm following the rules and such correctly. I hit my 3 month mark recently and tonight I'm proud to say I finally got the courage to throw all my paraphernalia away. I'm not sure why I felt the need to hang on to them this long but it was a both a relief and a kind of a...sadness? to finally dispose of everything. I've been feeling pretty alone lately. My best friendship was destroyed due to mutual drug use and it's been hitting me hard. Has anyone else felt intense loneliness when they were newly sober? I've been trying to stay busy but it's rough and I feel like the lonines definitely adds to the cravings. I appreciate y'alls advice and wisdom.
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What were you using?

It is a normal feeling in recovery, many of us go through it.

Congratulations on your 3 months <3 :)
 
Pretty much anything I could get my hands on to be honest. Opiates and meth that escalated to IV use and benzos...and thanks so much :)
 
Baker, the loneliness is a very common feeling during early recovery. I found that immediately after acute withdrawal, is when the mind games started. Loneliness, fear, hopelessness etc. This is where the real work starts... I'm almost a month clean and I'm finding it harder by the day.

Luckily for you, you're probably almost over the hump, and will begin to start seeing some positives real soon..

Stick with it and please share your feelings with us. Some real smart cats around here..

Hang tough
Sixx
 
Perfectly normal, try drop in sports or volunteering if you're feeling lonely? It's better than sitting around doing nothing

Congrats on 3 months sober!
 
bakerdaisies...congrats on making such good progress. that's amazing work!

I just reached three months free from heroin addiction, and like you I find the loneliness really crushing. It's interesting, I had a situation very similar to yours. One of my only friends in the town where I live was the guy that helped me get into drugs. We used together a fair amount, though he was always more into coke, while I mostly did smack. Anyhow, he got into a pretty bad way with the coke and started getting all wigged out and paranoid. This finally led him to start hating me, and eventually threatening me. So obviously we don't hang out any more. It's weird, b/c we weren't really close ever. The only thing we had in common was drugs. But almost a year since we split, I'm still bitter and nursing wounds from the experience. So that's one loneliness.

Then there's the weird loneliness that's more general after quitting. I've heard people liken kicking a drug habit to breaking up with someone you love. Maybe that's a little dramatic. But it also rings true to me.

Good job on getting rid of your paraphernalia, though. That part was super hard for me. It's great that you took care of that.

As for mitigating the loneliness, the suggestions above are spot on. I also find that getting engaged in this forum has helped my own feelings of isolation. It's not a full substitute for face-to-face relationships. But it's WAY better than nothing.

Best luck!
 
I feel you- indeed I feel like I broke up w an incredible lover. When I stopped using OxyContin the first time-I cried every day for 8mod. It was a very deep sadness. Im feeling sad and really pissed off right now trying to quit. I admire your strength.

And hey- that's incredible progress throwing your paraphernalia away. I still have my kit-you know "just in case ". It's ridiculous. You did good &#55357;&#56842;.
 
starting_over said:
Perfectly normal, try drop in sports or volunteering if you're feeling lonely? It's better than sitting around doing nothing
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This is excellent advice. About two months in, I decided I couldn't stomach 12 step meetings anymore. In detox, one of the tools the therapist gave us was the website meetup.com. It was a godsend, and I have friendships now that revolve around common interests rather than common problems (Jack Trimpey stresses this in his book Rational Recovery), which is much healthier IMO. I've joined groups that center around sailing, kayaking, paddleboarding, cycling, the list goes on and on. And I've gotten back into a gym routine (yoga, spin and working out with a trainer). I'm able to stay busy enough that when I am at home alone with the opportunity to watch a movie or just chill in front of the TV with the dog, it feels like a treat.
 
^Meetup.com is amazing, especially since I live in a metropolitan area. We have meetups of all kinds, and it is cool checking out new ones as well. Great suggestion, aihfl !!!
 
toothpastedog said:
I seem to remember Meetup services costing something or other.
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Not unless you join a group that assesses membership dues. I would say the majority are free. The only one I used to pay dues to was the sailing group, but since I have my own boat, they just let me come along.
 
I like that you like boats aihfl :) Makes me reminisce about my days on the little itty bitty Laser :)
 
I was also going to add if there's an activity you enjoy or would like to try, a lot of times the dues cover the cost of rental equipment. My kayak group will bring you a kayak if you don't own your own (dues, $25 annually), the sailing group was $30 annually which gave you access to their little sunfish putt putts, the paddleboard group is $35/trip but that includes the board, paddle and instruction (free for BYOBers), so even if you do join a group that requires payment of dues annually or on a per event basis, it's quite reasonable and you do get bang for your buck. In fact, I'm thinking I'll probably pay the sailing group dues again because my 2 ton Australian Flightcraft is a pain in the ass to move (I have it parked in a marina slip) and because of its weight, it's not maneuverable enough for the smallish lake they teach sailing on.
 
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Thanks guys....reading thru all the responses today had me on tears, but they were happy tears. Even though I've only made a couple posts the outpouring of support from everyone on this forum is just overwhelming. What a blessing.
 
hey baker, the loneliness you speak of was the reason that brought me to this forum. writing out my feelings was almost as therapeutic itself as reading other people's experiences on here. it's been i think 8 months for me and it's been very difficult leaving so many things behind. the struggle now is to make something of my life. it's important to remember that you aren't crazy for feeling lonely, and that many people in similar situations are clearly going through the same thing.
 
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