I do like the idea behind it, and the structure of it. But try and make it more rhythmic. Generally structured emphasis on certain syllables which produce a pattern will do this. Because for some reason I'm having trouble finding a particular pronunciation pattern in your verse. For a simple pattern, restructure it so that it has an unstressed syllable following a stressed syllable, like so:
"It was | the best | of times, | it was | the worst | of times..."
Note how the above has unstressed followed by stressed pronunciation, making a rhythmic pattern. This is called 'Iambic' in poetry. If we apply this to your verse, it comes out like so:
"how can i cope now that the world has decided to..."
It's quite good at first, but because of the word 'decided', it derails the pattern you have. In know way do I force you to do so, but I'd suggest keeping the verses to an even syllable count. If we look at your syllable count in each line, you can see why your pattern is often derailing.
how can i cope now that the world has decided to 13-syllables
make me look at all that i am, all that i've done, 12-syllables
all that i've achieved and all that i've consumed. 11-syllables (although I do like this line, it's up to you whether you want it or not*)
how would you cope if your world decided to make 12-syllables
you suffer for all that your worth. 8-syllables
*Even though some lines are out of syllable, that doesn't mean they have a nice flow to them, as you can see by this line:
"all that | i've achieved || and all that | i've consumed."
Also, the final line has quite a nice concluding finish to it, so I do enjoy that. However there's a tiny grammatical error, it's supposed to be "you're", not "your". Anyway, if you recorrect 'decided' to a 2-syllable substitute, which makes it become a 12-syllable line (often referred to as 'hexameter' in poetry) and results in a better flowing line which continues on to the rest of the poem.
Sorry if I've been ranting on, I'm doing this to educate myself too. But I hope I helped you out, I do enjoy the verse.
