I like it. The first two stanzas are best. The third stanza goes off on a bit of a tangent, tonally; it flows okay in terms of the narrative of the poem, but it's a bit long in terms of your established rhythm.
I've done a bit of a hack job. Hope you don't mind.
Cascading green cedar leaves
The golden light of dawn
Fresh air, cool but pleasant
My mind grinning
My heart open
I am aware of
choices, feelings
A system within a system
The self within the self
I step outside
I cut a lot of the actions, because they occur too rapidly in such a short poem - and are less emotive than the other lines. "I stretch" / "My muscles tense briefly and relax" / "I close my eyes" / "I open my eyes again"... They would work better in a longer narrative-style poem. The only actions I'm tempted to keep here are the eyes opening and closing, as they mark the transition in the poem from the sensory/external to the cognitive/introverted. But, again, since it's such a short poem and there isn't a "story" - such a transition isn't really needed. You can get away with blending the external and the introverted, in an abstract sort of way. Also, "eyes open" and "heart open" clash; and, given the choice between the two, the latter is definitely better.
"Ghost in the machine" is a cliche, and it doesn't fit in your poem.
"The peak of the parabola" I really like. It's one of the best lines. But it doesn't fit, in terms of visual imagery. The poem has a very spiritual and natural feel to it. Parabola is scientific/mathematical. I'd save this line and use it in another poem. (I like the alliteration of the 'p's.)
There is no mention of a door; best not to throw a specific image in that hasn't been established right at the end, so I changed it to "outside".
Finally, I cut "Alive," at the end. Because "outside" is a better word to end on. And the sense of being "alive" has already been captured throughout, plus it's in title.
...
I like your poem. I went through about four pages of older stuff in the Words archive, about two dozen poems, and this was one of the two pieces that moved me today. Sorry if it was presumptuous of me to have a fiddle.
Much love,
-4EA
