I am just starting to think I am an alcoholic. I have been a heroin and cocaine addict for most of my adult life, but have cleaned up on the hard drugs for the last year and change. it is hard for me to think I have a drinking problem, I do drink daily, but I have an insane tolerance to every fucking substance under the sun and the other day I was working with this band (playing the drums all day) and I drank all day. I think from 1 pm till very late I must have had at least thirty beers and half a bottle of gin and the sad part was I was not tanked at the end of the day. I just felt normal. I don't do irrational things when drunk and I handle myself on all substances very well, too well, I think. it is a mask that could be my downfall soon.\
that's another rough part, I play music somewhat professionally and almost three nights a week I am at some bar playing drums, which means I get free drinks the whole night. how can you not drink when you like to drink when you get free drinks all night? I don't know.
back in the day I knew that if I kept on using hard drugs I would spend the rest of my young life in jail, but I don't think like that with alcohol. if I ever got a DUI or did something very stupid while drinking I think I would try to quit. but it's hard to quit when everything seems to be fine, you know? I have come to the realization that I will probably be a hard-core drinker all my life. I suppose it's better than what I used to be addicted to. or maybe not. I guess time will tell.