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Alcoholism Thread V. ti martwonies

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I had a couple drinks yesterday, 2 to be exact. I was bored and watching tv at my parents, whom I'd driven up to visit for a couple of days and I guess the very old habit kicked in. I stopped without effort b/c I was not feeling pleasure from it, only guilt and generally woozy.
When I went to bed I was restless and could not sleep for ever. Today my skin feels mildly prickly and my upper eyelids are a little red and swollen, feel prickly and irritated.
I've noticed this before, when I've been sober for long periods then had a couple.
This itchy/prickly feeling lasts at least a day.
I can almost now say with absolute certainty that I am allergic to alcohol, OR my liver is still fucked...the prickly feeling is a lot like drinking on a very low dose of antabuse- for those with that unfortunate experience under their belt!.
I had a sonogram for gall stones a couple weeks ago after two episodes of violent stomach pain. Nope. My liver is a little bit enlarged though they said and I will get blood work done this week.
I've been sober from booze almost completely for 2 years plus, not more than 6-8 drinks during this time(+2 now). I never injected drugs and have been careful with safe sex, mostly....
The only thing I can think that may have irritated my liver is pods?? Which I've been sober from for 3 weeks now, thank god.
We will see what the blood work brings up.
I'm not too worried, even about my slip. Booze is just all-around unpleasant for me now and I intend to keep it that way.
 
That was me at the end. I had some pretty deep seated emotional issues and felt the need to thoroughly anesthetize myself all of the time. When I stopped for good, I was shaking so bad for a few days that it was more akin to convulsions. For weeks I felt disoriented and off balance. During my first year sober, I was an emotional wreck. It's now been 6+ years without any alcohol and I don't think I could survive going through that again.


batmanplaybaseball said:
As far as full blown alcoholism though, i never have understood it. I just don't see how someone can keep drinking morning and night, day after day. The physical strain would be olympic. It's more respect than anything I feel for these people, not because I glorify drinking, far from it, but just because I have never been able to get behind the mndset of somene willing to really let go like that.
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Understanding full-blown alcoholism is without a doubt not a rational process. I was equally amazed at people who could do coke and meth for more than a night, for me the psychic and physical pain were too much to bear with that stuff.
However, I had more than a couple 5-7 day benders that left me peeing brown, skin peeling on hands and around my nose, and left me unable to hold a cup of anything.
I can totally relate to that first year after quitting, and am pretty damn confident I'll never do that to myself again. While those days are almost 3 years ago, I can sense some damage done that will never repair. But I'll take that with all the good things and consider it a hell of a bargain, coming out of that as I did. Alcohol has become like stims for me, unpleasant initial feeling coupled with physical pain that is certain to come, and guilt too.
Thank god, or whatever, for that.
 
I can't even seem to enjoy alcohol anymore. So I'm drinking more to get that joy back. It's not working, but the process of drinking and slowing my brain down feels better than sobriety. Sobriety is just too much.
 
ive been a weekend alcoholic before, if there is such a thing? after a 10 hour booze binge on a friday or saturday night i would go to bed drunk, wake up drunk and eventually recover to get myself into a strange state of anxiety and feeling on edge for fucking days. minor hallucinations, unable to sleep, sweating

i couldn't enter a pub without ending up getting drunk. it felt too uncomfortable. i would drink like an animal until i ended up unable to see, hear, think, talk. it was like a craving. i couldnt function around my friends, i felt withdrawn and on edge until i hit the vodka

ive recovered from that though, although i still drink but not as much and i dont end up off my face and anxious for days after. thank fuck
 
I picked my slip chip up on 12-17-09, my older sisters belly button birthday, it's a special day for me because of that, and that was the first day I began to live life.

I cannot drink, I will not drink. I know that if I drink that first drink then the craving comes back, and I'd be exactly where I left off.
I cannot drink ANY alcohol in ANY form!

I've admitted defeat.
 
Been clean & sober all week .. A few times today I thought of hitting the store, but happily I held out.

For a while now I was sure that I'd done irrepairable damage to my brain from the last 7 years of drinking (to say nothing of drug use).
Every time I get clean I feel a fog lift (once I make it past the first sleeples nights); now that I've stopped drinking I suddenly feel capable of intelligent thought & discourse once more. What a great feeling.

I'm sure I'll be fine the next 5 days.
An ex is going to spend the night with me on Christmas, though, and already shared her plans to have "a merry fucking drunken christmas." Not sure I'll be able to resist . . Hopefully she brings me some real drugs for the Holiday :D
 
^Keep up the good work, dude. Are you still in Portland? I'm here another week and a half, PM me if you'd like to get together (and not drink).

The bottle and I seem to have reached an uneasy truce. I fully expected that I would be drinking *more* with it being the holidays. I've had nothing stronger than this headache-inducing Kahlua White Russian prepared crap that I had last night basically as dessert (12% ABV) and only 2 small servings of it. Nothing terrible happened aside from the headache.

I credit my family for helping me return to more days not drinking than drinking. Once I put aside my pride and asked them to look out for me, we talked about the relationship with alcohol others in the family have. I have learned a lot about myself in the process, and how to (hopefully) not repeat my own mistakes and those of others in my family afflicted with alcohol problems (well over half, both maternal and paternal sides).

I don't drink if I am sad or stressed anymore. I allow my emotions to surface naturally and one rule I have stringently followed is not to drink if I am in a bad mood or bored. I find something else to do instead, usually write or call a friend.

Cannabis also continues to be of great help. :) It helps me with creativity, relaxation, pain... just about everything.

I hope everyone is managing the holidays with smarts and moderation. I know this time of year is tough on all of us, and I wish you all the best however you choose to approach an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
 
I don't live in Portland .. Manage to visit a few times a year tho.
Hope you enjoy your stay (and brought a coat!)

Check this out, a local town might allow hard liquor for the first time in 150 years. Apparently they just got beer & wine this decade .. What a place :D
Maybe I'm not drinking cos I haven't seen a family member in over a month .. One of the great Holiday intoxicant inspirations.
Can't wait for the marketing and 3rd-party guilt trips to end tho.

Craving the narcotics more than anything this month .. At least I'm staying dry through a stubborn unwillingness to compromise.

Non-alcoholic Holiday Cheers to all!
 
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Mariposa said:
Cannabis also continues to be of great help.
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not trying to advocate one way or the other, but i have to say, i am increasingly finding myself calmed and relieved by small doses of mj. its something i used much more of before i started drinking too much, and as i try to wean myself back off the booze, i find myself turning back to it, with success...

(as long as i have some munchies nearby ;) )
 
monchi said:
not trying to advocate one way or the other, but i have to say, i am increasingly finding myself calmed and relieved by small doses of mj. its something i used much more of before i started drinking too much, and as i try to wean myself back off the booze, i find myself turning back to it, with success...

(as long as i have some munchies nearby ;) )
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Heh. I don't advocate swapping one addiction for another by any means. It definitely doesn't take much for me at this point; I can't smoke during the day at all right now (family) and I look forward to when the kids go to bed so I can get my smoke on in the backyard.

I can't believe I forgot to mention the most objectionable side effect of being abstinent more days than not: both an increase in night terrors and nightmares. MJ helps me calm down and stay asleep for that first critical stage of sleep so I can avoid waking up terrified. The quality of my sleep has gone down so badly lately. :( I hope it clears up soon.
 
Ive been barely drinking these days , I had a beer a few weeks ago and that was it. My stomach is still messed up from the binge ive been on over the last few years. I guess all I can do is give it time and hopefully it will get better someday. Ive been using psychedelics every week or so to help deal with my cravings for alcohol and it seems to be working pretty well. I just think about how much my stomach will hurt after I drink and it keeps me away from the bottle most of the time. It's been tough but I'm glad Ive started to sober up a bit :)

-Charlie
 
If you suffer from anxiety, you really shouldn't smoke mj. I know it's a hard drug to quit, because it's so easy, and the positive effects are immediate, and there doesn't appear to be much of a comedown. However, for every second of relief you will pay with rebound anxiety and other unwanted side effects.

It's a deceitful drug because it is hard to connect it to its unwanted side effects, but nothing comes for free.
 
for some people marijuana can really help anxiety , i happen to be one of those lucky people

it doesnt work like that for everyone tho , it makes some people's anxiety much worse
 
Wings of wax said:
If you suffer from anxiety, you really shouldn't smoke mj. I know it's a hard drug to quit, because it's so easy, and the positive effects are immediate, and there doesn't appear to be much of a comedown. However, for every second of relief you will pay with rebound anxiety and other unwanted side effects.

It's a deceitful drug because it is hard to connect it to its unwanted side effects, but nothing comes for free.
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This is a very good post. I can't speak for everyone, but this is dead on for me. Sure I like being high, but it will come back and kick me in the ass every single time. If not now, then in the form of a DP/DR episode later.
 
Cosmic Charlie: That's great, but you should consider if it really does help in the long term, and not just in the short term. It's the old Evil Circle: You smoke, feel relief, some time passes, you experience anxiety from the mj, you don't realize it's a rebound effect, you smoke some more....

I'm not saying that's how it works for you, but it is something to consider.
 
Ive been smoking pot daily for more than 10 years now. Its the days that I dont smoke that my anxiety gets the worse. Maybe you're right and thats the rebound effect Im feeling. I use marijuana for other health reasons besides anxiety though. I suffer from constant nausea and marijuana is the only thing that helps me. So it would be really hard for me to give up pot , I'd have to sacrifice my personal comfort
 
CC: I don't want to come off as a jerk, and I know this is not what you want to hear, but you should consider at least trying to break the circle (if there is one). That way you can find out which effects are rebound, and which aren't.

I've been there, so I know how hard it is to quit, but you should know that it is really worth getting off it.
 
I suppose once ive been clean from the drinking for long enough my stomach will heal itself and i wont have to smoke so much pot anymore. Im pretty much the typical stoner guy who gets high and listens to records all day. But thats not so bad for me tho , I use to shoot heroin everyday for years so a marijuana addiction feels like small potato's to me at this point. thats just how i feel , i know some people wont agree but tis life
 
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