alcoholism thread [merged]

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I failed last night too.

Around 12 standard drinks of "pinapple rum" and 3mg Ativan.

Didn't black out, but wrote a few really bizzare emails.

Now I'm hungover and hate the concept of drinking.

One thing I have not done in a long time is drink anytime but at night. I used to be a fan of easing up the hangover a bit. But not anymore. Tough I'm tempted to walk across the street and buy some beer.
 
I failed last night too.

Around 12 standard drinks of "pinapple rum" and 3mg Ativan.

Didn't black out, but wrote a few really bizzare emails.

Now I'm hungover and hate the concept of drinking.

One thing I have not done in a long time is drink anytime but at night. I used to be a fan of easing up the hangover a bit. But not anymore. Tough I'm tempted to walk across the street and buy some beer.
You guys dont know it , so it should be said ,,,,reading your posts kepted me sober last night and tonight . And that was even after i made my old lady bring home a bottle of Vodka (shes dammed if she does and dammed if she dont , so i dont put any blame on her at all , and she was pissed too). Every so often I seem to need help getting through the weekends . Last night was the closest I,ve been to falling backwards . Reading your posts reminded me why I quit , hangovers , goofy emails that i wish I could take back , blackouts , and just plain old being a jerk . I seem to sense your displeasure (cant think of the right word) with yourselfs for not staying sober . If it hadnt have been for you guys and this forum I would have blown 5 years of sobriety . I wish I could help all of you . Thank you ! Bob
 
You guys dont know it , so it should be said ,,,,reading your posts kepted me sober last night and tonight . And that was even after i made my old lady bring home a bottle of Vodka (shes dammed if she does and dammed if she dont , so i dont put any blame on her at all , and she was pissed too). Every so often I seem to need help getting through the weekends . Last night was the closest I,ve been to falling backwards . Reading your posts reminded me why I quit , hangovers , goofy emails that i wish I could take back , blackouts , and just plain old being a jerk . I seem to sense your displeasure (cant think of the right word) with yourselfs for not staying sober . If it hadnt have been for you guys and this forum I would have blown 5 years of sobriety . I wish I could help all of you . Thank you ! Bob

Thanks, sick shift. Whatever it takes I guess, haha reading this thread sometimes makes me want to drink, and other times it gives me the motivation I need to try (over and over) to quit. I'm glad it worked in the latter for you.

Southern Comfort's tonight's poison. An old favourite. I will drink it, get euphoric, then get sloppy and do dumb things, then I will keep drinking so that I can fall asleep, and then I will wakeup and write a post kind of like I did a few up.
 
I will drink it, get euphoric, then get sloppy and do dumb things, then I will keep drinking so that I can fall asleep, and then I will wakeup and write a post kind of like I did a few up.

wen i was drinking addictively (it wasnt exactly a DOC but i drank half a bottle of vodka and about 5-6 shots of absinthe a night to calm me down after id used a lot of meth throughout the day) that was my problem

id always enjoy it till i passed out or just got so sleepy i had to go to bed id always wake frequently during the night
alcohol never seemed to keep me sleeping throughout the night - partly cos i had to piss all the time, partly cos....it just wore off, the drowsy effects i guess

my problem drinking only went on for about a yr then i went for my first detox (i was coming off multiple drugs for that one) and from then on i seemed to always b able to keep it under control - partly cos my livers so shot for other reasons i feel unpleasantly drunk on even a couple of glasses of champagne
id certainly never touch straight vodka again....

conclusion - i was never an alcoholic, i was just abusing it cos of my problem with other drugs and the fact that i was a poly-drug abuser

redleader - if this thread makes u crave alcohol, my advice wud b to maybe make a thread of ur own talking about ur drinking problem without having to read wat others r drinking
best of luck to evryone
 
So I've heard some Bluelighters recommend psychadelics as a fix to drug abuse .. I've never thought that made sense, but I might have a shot next wknd.
@ this point anything seems worth a shot if I want to value health & wealth even a little while into my future.
Until I manage to exile myself to the country or get locked up, only a complete revolution in my perspective can keep me from walking down the street to the corner stores in moments of weakness.
 
wen i was drinking addictively (it wasnt exactly a DOC but i drank half a bottle of vodka and about 5-6 shots of absinthe a night to calm me down after id used a lot of meth throughout the day) that was my problem

id always enjoy it till i passed out or just got so sleepy i had to go to bed id always wake frequently during the night
alcohol never seemed to keep me sleeping throughout the night - partly cos i had to piss all the time, partly cos....it just wore off, the drowsy effects i guess

my problem drinking only went on for about a yr then i went for my first detox (i was coming off multiple drugs for that one) and from then on i seemed to always b able to keep it under control - partly cos my livers so shot for other reasons i feel unpleasantly drunk on even a couple of glasses of champagne
id certainly never touch straight vodka again....

conclusion - i was never an alcoholic, i was just abusing it cos of my problem with other drugs and the fact that i was a poly-drug abuser

redleader - if this thread makes u crave alcohol, my advice wud b to maybe make a thread of ur own talking about ur drinking problem without having to read wat others r drinking
best of luck to evryone

Yes. The hardest part of drinking yourself to sleep is not waking up to piss. Problem is that the types of alcohol that make ya the most sleepy (like beer) have the most volume.
 
^ It's a double edged sword that one. Drinking till you can sleep is a bitch when you have insomnia, i can drink for a long time before i can go to bed.

sick shift that's really good to hear! You should be SO proud of yourself for abstaining for 5 years. And i'm glad to hear this thread helped you out at a potential breaking point <3

I saw my bf in rehab today, he's in there for drug addiction but a lot more people he is in there with are alcoholics. Since he has heard their stories and learned a lot about alcoholism his really worried and concerned for me and my drinking. It made me really upset :( I like to keep it from people. I know i have a problem but seeing his face as we spoke about it, hit really close to home. Grr i wish i could just stop and not want to drink again. I know now i need help. But i've known that before and talked myself out of it. (sorry this is kind of a tug of war with my own head rant)

Redleader, i remember a while ago in TDS there was a sober thursday thread or something. I'll try and resurrect it if i can find it. If not i think all of us in here should try and support each other one day at a time. Starting out one day a week at a time. I know longer than 2 or 3 is near impossible for me these days. And going through it with you guys would give me more motivation.

<3
 
I broke again earlier this week and the shit hit the fan in a lot of ways as a result - not in legal trouble or anything medical, but have now lost the trust of someone I love and it will take a lot to get that back.

I bought alcohol today but did not drink it - I gave it to someone who does not have a drinking problem before I did. It is mostly how explosive alcohol makes my temper why I cannot drink. I drink to manage stress, and at times I become pathologically angry. This cannot continue. I may be able to have a healthy relationship with alcohol someday. Not now.

Reading this thread does sometimes trigger me too, Redleader - I read it before I went to the liquor store for the crappy $3 margarita malt crap. (Hey, times are hard :D). But I am 100% sober and have gone a few days now. I am more triggered by walking past liquor displays in the grocery store (it's legal to be sold where I live at the supermarket) than anything. There aren't any grocery stores that don't carry liquor, so that's out.

:(

I also look to this thread for support and wish all of us the best on our paths to wellness. I am going without my only crutch through a time of personal loss and low self-esteem. I would not wish being a problem drinker on anyone and commend all of you for your strength. If your only option to live a happy life is to get and stay sober from alcohol - for a time or forever, I wish you strength. You are not alone. <3
 
Am now under medical (therapist's, he has a Ph.D) orders not to drink anymore. The psychological damage is too much to take. I've made an agreement with my s/o and him that there won't be any more. And now I make an agreement to those who are suffering in this thread and the people in my life, who have offered support and love to me even when I was a stupid lush.

I am saying goodbye with one last glass of the margarita crap (with permission); the last beverage of alcohol I will have for a long time and maybe forever. Maybe I will suspend the rules on vacations, but I can so rarely take those. Going forward, realistically: weed and the occasional magic carpet ride - no drama from either of those old friends.

I will probably do the exercise of writing a letter goodbye and will publish it in the appropriate thread if it isn't too private. I did not want the last, scary time to be the last memory I had of drinking. To go out on a good note and not look back in anger is what I want. Drinking wasn't all bad to me. It feels like breaking up with that toxic boyfriend or dropping a longtime freeloading friend - you don't want to say goodbye, but you know you have to.

This is not going to be easy at all. I know my self-control will be tested.

I have a suggestion for anyone who is triggered. Every time you think of buying alcohol, transfer the money you would have spent into a separate savings account instead, and spend it on something you love that you could not have had if you had remained a problem drinker.

I'll continue to pop in here to offer and get support. I can say without reservation that I could not have committed to being a nondrinker without the existence of this thread. Thank you all for helping me get my life back. You have done more for me than any detox, rehab, meeting, or intervention could have done.

<3 <3 <3
 
Good luck Mariposa :)

I drank for a week straight; put away a bottle this weekend quick.

My life's priorities are rapidly changing, tho; I've decided to live a bit more (travel, old friends, drugs) until the $$ runs out .. But I only drink when I get stuck in one place; with Winter thawing I think I've had my last bout with the bottle until next season.
 
Am now under medical (therapist's, he has a Ph.D) orders not to drink anymore. The psychological damage is too much to take. I've made an agreement with my s/o and him that there won't be any more. And now I make an agreement to those who are suffering in this thread and the people in my life, who have offered support and love to me even when I was a stupid lush.

<3 <3 <3

Mariposa, I sincerely wish you all the best with sobriety. You're making the right decision and you should be extremely proud of yourself. You are a very strong person and I have complete faith in you that you will be able to do this.
Best wishes honey <3 <3 <3
 
I have a suggestion for anyone who is triggered. Every time you think of buying alcohol, transfer the money you would have spent into a separate savings account instead, and spend it on something you love that you could not have had if you had remained a problem drinker.

I'll continue to pop in here to offer and get support. I can say without reservation that I could not have committed to being a nondrinker without the existence of this thread. Thank you all for helping me get my life back. You have done more for me than any detox, rehab, meeting, or intervention could have done.

<3 <3 <3

I hope this is the one time that works, Mariposa. It sounds like your therapist's suggestion means a lot to you, that you're taking it very seriously, and it is probably the stern type of thing you've secretly been looking for.

Last night I had another big one. Drank an entire litre of cheap 42 proof vodka. Meaning that I had the equivalent of two-thirds of a "fifth" of 80 proof vodka, plus a bit extra from the 2 proof differential. If Amy said that 25 1/2 shots are in a fifth, then I would have had just a bit over 17 standard shots of vodka.

I did not get sick, but I did NOT have a good day at all. I'm still hungover at 10:52pm the night after.

Screw this, I am not drinking tonight, even though my body wants it.

But I realised last night that I have picked up a new addictive trait - I will drink everything that I buy. I used to not be like that. Last night, I surely didn't intend to finish the bottle, but I just felt some compulsion to keep going. This is rather new for me, and it's not good. I mean the easy solution is just to buy the right amount and not to start drinking until after midnight, so I cannot buy any more. But the easier answer is probably to join Mariposa.

I hate this whole thing about the hangovers being longer in duration as you get older.
 
Am now under medical (therapist's, he has a Ph.D) orders not to drink anymore. The psychological damage is too much to take. I've made an agreement with my s/o and him that there won't be any more. And now I make an agreement to those who are suffering in this thread and the people in my life, who have offered support and love to me even when I was a stupid lush.

I am saying goodbye with one last glass of the margarita crap (with permission); the last beverage of alcohol I will have for a long time and maybe forever. Maybe I will suspend the rules on vacations, but I can so rarely take those. Going forward, realistically: weed and the occasional magic carpet ride - no drama from either of those old friends.

I will probably do the exercise of writing a letter goodbye and will publish it in the appropriate thread if it isn't too private. I did not want the last, scary time to be the last memory I had of drinking. To go out on a good note and not look back in anger is what I want. Drinking wasn't all bad to me. It feels like breaking up with that toxic boyfriend or dropping a longtime freeloading friend - you don't want to say goodbye, but you know you have to.

This is not going to be easy at all. I know my self-control will be tested.

I have a suggestion for anyone who is triggered. Every time you think of buying alcohol, transfer the money you would have spent into a separate savings account instead, and spend it on something you love that you could not have had if you had remained a problem drinker.

I'll continue to pop in here to offer and get support. I can say without reservation that I could not have committed to being a nondrinker without the existence of this thread. Thank you all for helping me get my life back. You have done more for me than any detox, rehab, meeting, or intervention could have done.

<3 <3 <3


That's a very encouraging post, and best of luck to you. I empathise in particular about how you say your relationship with alcohol was mixed, as despite all my problems with the stuff I definitely do not regret my drinking times.

Personally it's now three months since I last drank. It's killing me but it's for the best. It's true what people say about the withdrawal being nothing compared to the difficulty of staying off. Am aiming to go four or maybe six months, but no longer. Most days I don't feel affected by PAWS anymore, which is a joy because I have had it on and off for almost a year (I stopped regular drinking a year ago but still had the occasional binge until three months ago) and it is a right fucker. Good luck to everybody.

n3o- how are you doing?
 
Spurs, it's great to hear from you and SO GOOD to hear you're doing well!
I'm doing pretty much the same as always 8)
Didn't drink last night though, and won't drink tonight or Wednesday night (Wednesday's an easy one because I have a night course on which I go straight to from work and get home at like 10pm).
 
^ Good job on not drinking! I really don't follow AA but I do believe in the 'one day at a time' type of mentality towards alcohol and otherwise. Setting any limits at all is very commendable in my mind (I know how hard it is to set them and stick to them). <3<3
 
Spurs, it's great to hear from you and SO GOOD to hear you're doing well!
I'm doing pretty much the same as always 8)
Didn't drink last night though, and won't drink tonight or Wednesday night (Wednesday's an easy one because I have a night course on which I go straight to from work and get home at like 10pm).


Thank you. Keep at it, you know you can do it! <3
 
I didn't make any note of a quitting date at my last bender. Checking by the dates of over the top correspondence that night I haven't drunk alcohol since Feb 27th. My stomach is so happy!

Like others, part of the dependence cycle for me is that alcohol wrecks my already erratic sleep life but I somehow become delusionally convinced that alcohol is an answer to sleep problems. So not true. I know it intellectually but alcohol never has its way with people through any sort of mental appeal.

Thanks for support and goodness and strength to the folks in this thread!
Hugs to everyone on this page (I use 40 posts per page, your page division may be different)

<3sick shift<3 <3Redleader<3 <3Dtug Wench<3
<3trancegirle<3 <3Mariposa<3 <3SilverFeniks<3
<3n3ophy7e<3 <3AmorRoark<3 <3Spurs_1882<3
 
I hope this is the one time that works, Mariposa. It sounds like your therapist's suggestion means a lot to you, that you're taking it very seriously, and it is probably the stern type of thing you've secretly been looking for.

Last night I had another big one. Drank an entire litre of cheap 42 proof vodka. Meaning that I had the equivalent of two-thirds of a "fifth" of 80 proof vodka, plus a bit extra from the 2 proof differential. If Amy said that 25 1/2 shots are in a fifth, then I would have had just a bit over 17 standard shots of vodka.

I really like Mariposa's idea of putting the money in an account and then buying something nice with it, and realizing that you could not buy that thing (or take that trip or whatever) if the money had been spent on alcohol.

Regarding the shots in a fifth -- I was under the impression that a fifth is 25.6 ounces. A shot is 1.5 ounces. Thus, there would be 17 shots in a fifth.
 
I don't think I'm physically addicted as I went 5 days prior to last night without drinking. Definitely mentally addicted. :\

Me too. I smuggled a bottle of half-n-half of Lucozade and Stolichnaya vodka into work this afternoon and have been topping myself up all afternoon.

I have been going to local AA meetings the last few months.

I stayed sober for 12 days recently and I felt fucking great. Was eating properly, sleeping quite good and all re-hydrated. Then I got fucked up at the weekend, as the little devil on my shoulder told me I was fine and didn't have a drink problem. I've been drinking like I used to since then.

It's 5:30 in the afternoon now (UK time) and I know I shouldn't be drinking, but I just don't wanna face the depression that comes with my hangovers. I am really mentally addicted to booze I think.

I am just gonna have to try and take it easy tonight and not get too smashed. I know I am gonna feel like shit at work in the morning though.

I need to feel the sobriety that I felt just those few days ago before I started drinking again and hang onto it. I just think of the drunken texts and emails to friends and family and it makes me want to cringe after I had a period of nearly two weeks when I was doing so well amd feeling really positive.

Anyway, just my 2 pennorth. I hope others can relate.
 
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