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alcoholism thread [merged]

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Redleader said:
No more benzos. I gave the rest of them away today. Yes, live and learn.
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That is good to hear RL, you're a smart guy <3

I am guilty of using the dinner party excuse to serve alcohol to people I know don't drink...just so I can drink it. It's pretty lame isn't it?
You don't HAVE to serve the champagne you know...? Is it an option to give it a miss??
 
I can understand why my doctor doesn't want to describe me any kind of benzo now he knows i drink. I used to be described valium then temazepam for my insomnia and have them when i was drinking. That whole time is virtually a blur. I've done some fucked up things on valium and a lot of alcohol to - it seems to spiral my depressive moods out of control- not good. Smart move giving them away Redleader.
 
It's odd. I used to use Xanax and alcohol all of the time, both for their individual effects and that xanax potentiated alcohol, so I could get drunk on less (-> save money!!) and I never blacked out. I used Valium enough times to know that it dosen't black me out, either.

It's Ativan, which I don't even understand since it's essentially Valium with a shorter half-life. This one just dosen't like me!

Ya, I often find that benzos WILL work against my anxiety, but they create even more depression for me that wasn't really there before (mostly unmotivatedness, emptiness, frequent desire to cry). This happened with all benzos I've had, as well as in my brief trial of Lexapro. I mean I'll choose depression over anxiety everyday, but not with these blackouts.

Anyway, n3o ya, you should come over and be the 'other drinker' here, haha, so things won't be as awkward. Because ya, the one person I "thought" might drink declined already.
 
n3ophy7e said:
SF, be careful about drinking more when you know you'll be getting paid less! I know it's tempting to drown your sorrows at times like this but you'll regret wasting the money later.
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Yeah, slippery slope eh :-/
Spent a half my months' pay yesterday to buy a van, and today my oven died :-x
Got high / headache / free beer from a friend. My roomie is gone for the week, my one blessing.
I thought I had a handle on things; amazing how quick you can turn around.
Still not giving up @ life tho .. But I'll never escape this city the way things are going now.
 
Had another good weekend, was able to keep the drinks to a mininum in two settings where I used to drink alot. I went to a bar friday and a concert saturday. Saturday I think I had a total of 5 beers over the course of about 6 or 7 hours. Last night had 2.

Going to go get my oil changed and workout today. I have two more weeks of a tue thru saturday schedule. Then I start training for my license that is needed for my promotion! Its about 9 weeks of training for 3 weeks.
 
Good work phactor, sounds like you're doing really well :)

Redleader said:
Anyway, n3o ya, you should come over and be the 'other drinker' here, haha, so things won't be as awkward. Because ya, the one person I "thought" might drink declined already.
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I have a better idea, one day we should have a dinner party WITHOUT drinking! :D
One day.... :)

SilverFeniks said:
I thought I had a handle on things; amazing how quick you can turn around.
Still not giving up @ life tho ..
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This is true.
And so you shouldn't give up! Never give up SF <3
 
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Well I've had problems with alcohol on and off for the past 3 years, mostly to self medicate for my panic disorder/depression issues.

I have been using benzo's intermittantly (about 2 weeks out of each month for the past year), but they never last longer than that because their not prescribed, also I had made a point not to take for longer than 4 weeks with the two week break to avoid dependance, but because of this I would take more than necessary (that and my self control issues are a bit of an issue). I have tried everything else and now feel that the only way out right now is to add a once or twice a day klonopin dose (I had been using valium but that's not really readilly prescribed, and the klonopin works just as well). I have tried to avoid this at all costs, but feel after 3 years of being stuck in a loop of anxiety and substance abuse (alcohol), feel I have no choice (we'll see what the doctor says).

I recently have been going to AA but fell of the wagon on Saturday due to rebound anxiety from being without benzo's, which led to a bad arguement with me and my girlfriend, and I've agreed to go to rehab. I have been getting public assistance because I'm out of work right now and for the life of me can not find a job, but after 3 months of anxiety management group sessions I finally have a one on one with my psychologist (it's all the same mental health center) the 17th, a psychiatric evaluation (for medications) the day before, and I just made an appt. for an evaluation with the local drug and alcohol commission that takes my insurance and is within walking distance, that's scheduled for the 18th. I also have been prescribed celexa which worked somewhat for depression, although I have been without for a month waiting to see this psychiatrist.

I plan on taking a "break" from my tense living situation for a little while before my treatment starts, staying with my mom who's picking me up this Saturday. I think I'm taking all of the right steps but it's very hard waking up with this terrible anxiety still, although since I made the appt with the drug and alcohol commission and plans to take a "break" from my environment I'm starting to feel a little better. I've been sober since that Saturday, although yesterday morning was hard because I had to wake up and reep what was sowed the previous evening.

I'm grateful for this thread and feel for everyone here, thanks for hearing me out.

<3
 
Great work 6/7!! I'm proud of you man! How are you feeling?

2c-buoyant said:
Well I've had problems with alcohol on and off for the past 3 years, mostly to self medicate for my panic disorder/depression issues.

I have been using benzo's intermittantly (about 2 weeks out of each month for the past year), but they never last longer than that because their not prescribed, also I had made a point not to take for longer than 4 weeks with the two week break to avoid dependance, but because of this I would take more than necessary (that and my self control issues are a bit of an issue). I have tried everything else and now feel that the only way out right now is to add a once or twice a day klonopin dose (I had been using valium but that's not really readilly prescribed, and the klonopin works just as well). I have tried to avoid this at all costs, but feel after 3 years of being stuck in a loop of anxiety and substance abuse (alcohol), feel I have no choice (we'll see what the doctor says).

I recently have been going to AA but fell of the wagon on Saturday due to rebound anxiety from being without benzo's, which led to a bad arguement with me and my girlfriend, and I've agreed to go to rehab. I have been getting public assistance because I'm out of work right now and for the life of me can not find a job, but after 3 months of anxiety management group sessions I finally have a one on one with my psychologist (it's all the same mental health center) the 17th, a psychiatric evaluation (for medications) the day before, and I just made an appt. for an evaluation with the local drug and alcohol commission that takes my insurance and is within walking distance, that's scheduled for the 18th. I also have been prescribed celexa which worked somewhat for depression, although I have been without for a month waiting to see this psychiatrist.

I plan on taking a "break" from my tense living situation for a little while before my treatment starts, staying with my mom who's picking me up this Saturday. I think I'm taking all of the right steps but it's very hard waking up with this terrible anxiety still, although since I made the appt with the drug and alcohol commission and plans to take a "break" from my environment I'm starting to feel a little better. I've been sober since that Saturday, although yesterday morning was hard because I had to wake up and reep what was sowed the previous evening.

I'm grateful for this thread and feel for everyone here, thanks for hearing me out.

<3
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Hey 2c, you really are taking the right steps. It's not going to be easy but it sounds like you've got the right attitude and that is more than just a good start!! Best of luck dude, please let us know how you get on. I'm sure you will sort this all out soon.
Much love <3
 
^Thanks <3, and good for you sixpart! Hearing everyone's own accounts with this common problem lends me a bit of courage myself, and I'm a bit of a cowardly type.
 
ocean said:
Benzos and alcohol can turn you into the devil.
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Holy fucking shit is this ever true.

Sober ~18 hours. I am not any good at the sobriety thing with booze. It boggles my mind that I can dance with pretty much any other devil and forget it even happened, but it's frigging stupid alcohol that gets me.
 
Mariposa said:
It boggles my mind that I can dance with pretty much any other devil and forget it even happened, but it's frigging stupid alcohol that gets me.
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Ugh me too hun.
Sometimes I think to myself "But it's just alcohol!"
But alcohol is pretty fucking horrible stuff... :(
 
I'm forcing myself to go to only a weekend ONLY drinking schedule for now. Hopefully it'll get down to less than that in the coming weeks.

A few days ago my boyfriend asked me a harsh question... "has anything really changed?" (after I said it would). I couldn't honestly answer yes so I realized I MUST change for not only for myself but our relationship. I love me and us too much to give it up for some stupid poison.
 
I don't know, the things that I do under my alcohol/benzo blackouts aren't devilish at all. In fact, people have told me that I am very nice. This has also been seen in my blackout internet activities. Could it depend on the benzo?

Then again, rarely am I mean person - everything is internalized. So it just might be extended here.

Which benzo(s) have led any of you to call them, in junction with alcohol, devilish?

Good luck Amy on keeping it to the weekends. I understand if your schedule predefines this, but have you given any thought to like a Friday/Wednesday rule? Or Fridaynight/Wednesdayafternoon rule, if you work early Thursday? Drinking back-to-back Fri/Sat makes it a lot harder to say "no" on Sunday than two individual days, twice a week.

And yes, I'll echo everyone else and myself previously in this thread: The fact that alcohol remains legal and others illegal, despite the advances of modern science, just shows us how twisted our culture is. What, alcohol got ranked only behind coke, heroin and barbits in whatever the BBC show/study was that ranked the 20 most popular drugs? Or it might have been fifth. This stuff is so incredibly toxic to the body and will grab ahold of you before you know it.

Makes me wonder what LE thinks when they read this tread...a bunch of druggies saying that alcohol is the one that gets us most in the end.

And welcome to the thread Leila....something told me you'd be a drinker ;)
 
Alcohol is the legal devil.
Socially acceptable - although it changes people under the influence.
It's sneaky, creeps up on you.
Good luck to everyone<3
It's no easy feat to break an alcohol addiction, it's everywhere you go.
In the supermarket, in bars.
 
Sunday night used to be my getting drunk night but i abstained this week, well more like replaced it with something else ;)

alcohol is probably the most dangerous & readily available drug there is.withdrawals from alcohol dependency are a motherfucker & can kill.Taken that benzos(usually librium) are used to treat people in alcohol dettox, wouldnt a high tolerance to benzos further complicate that process ?
 
Redleader said:
Good luck Amy on keeping it to the weekends. I understand if your schedule predefines this, but have you given any thought to like a Friday/Wednesday rule? Or Fridaynight/Wednesdayafternoon rule, if you work early Thursday? Drinking back-to-back Fri/Sat makes it a lot harder to say "no" on Sunday than two individual days, twice a week.
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This is great insight that I didn't think about. My biggest problem, I think, with breaking it up like that is my Mon.-Fri. schedule is so demanding mentally for me. I will echo Jillian and say I feel like I gain 10 IQ points when I haven't drank the night before.

I guess I should cut it down to just Friday night for the sake of minimizing relapse but it's my first week and I don't know if I'll honestly be able to do that.

I think I'm lucky that I have a boyfriend who is a great help through this process. He battled heroin addiction/relapse for years so he's understanding of my (so far) relatively minor withdrawal conditions. He's been extra loving and cheerful even when I'm downright catty at night. That said, it's also helpful that I think he will be majorly pissed if I break our agreement to just drink on the weekend. That added pressure is helping me get through the first few nights, I think. That's not to say *I* don't want it for myself (I do) but any extra nudge helps.

I'll keep thinking about your 'breaking it down' suggestion and I might bring it up with the boyfriend as we'll and see what he thinks.

Thanks redleader. :)

Also, re: which benzos do you/did you use with drinking, my answer is xanax. I've been prescribed it for YEARS and never have taken much an out of the ordinary liking to it. I never abused it. I *would*, in the past, take one before going out to a bar so I could get drunk faster. This quickly changed to using it in hope I would get sleepy before I drank too much. That didn't work out too well either. I'd still drink too much, remembered even less. :o I cut the benzos out of my drinking almost entirely when that started happening. God I hate blackouts.
 
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