• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

alcoholism thread [merged]

Status
Not open for further replies.
i did good, tapered off, was abstinent for like 5 days.

then bam! 12 pack, vodka, 2 12 packs more vodka, a case a day for a few days, now i wish i didnt go back. sitting here shaking, tapering again. i know it going to be the 3 thought i have tomorrow morning, before food.
 
Redleader said:
Yes.

I'm I will sign up for any pledge. Are you having difficulty sleeping Mariposa, even if you're not getting the other physical difficulties? I'm 58 hours into my 100 hour "detoxing period" and I've slept a total of 6 1/2 hours, most of it filled with nightmares. Most of the literature I've read said that after 4 days is when you really start to feel better (hence I will stop counting at 100 hours).

But yes, alcohol's been killing me lately - most of my polydrug days start with alcohol, and then it talks me into taking pills or speed, which in turn requires alcohol for the comedown. I black out and wake up to seeing that I posted in the nudie thread, or that I sent my ex a poetic email, or broke something or.....it's got to stop!

So yes, let's try and keep this alcohol thread going for support and see if some of us can't really try and take an extended break!
Click to expand...

Sweet! I'm in. And I realized that since I have been abstinent since very early Monday, today is actually Day 4! The days have kind of blended together lately. I've had crappy life stuff going on but I didn't run to booze like I used to.

Two recent really, really close calls to bad things related directly to booze were the precipitating factor in all of this. I'm not going to make a third strike.

I don't get blackouts but I do get memory spots. Memories flood back to me - some good, some not so much. For the most part, I was fairly functional as a drinker with some really glaring exceptions.

I have slept over 8 hours all but 1 of these nights thanks to Klonopin and Xanax and a couple Ambien (which just causes me early morning waking). No nightmares yet. I've remained compliant with my Wellbutrin. Last night was rough and there have been some crying spells; yesterday I was driving in an unfamiliar area, the car overheated, and I got really lost... on top of this, I forgot my phone at home!

I would like not to be dependent on benzos - not realistic as I have panic disorder and a highly anxious/hypervigilant disposition. My doc and I plan to start a taper in the late spring. I was abstinent from benzos most of the summer, which caused me to use alcohol as a far less safe anxiolytic.

I had a giant panic attack but pulled it together and got myself where I needed to be. I wanted a drink when I came home but have requested that alcohol not be in my presence right now. The people in my life have been very understanding.

I've been pretty withdrawn and sad overall. When I think about drinking, I think about the losses I've already incurred and the losses I could yet incur if I don't stay sober. I'm going to try to call some friends today and take someone very special <3 to dinner with the money I'd otherwise have spent on alcohol.

I've dabbled in just about everything out there to varying degrees, but alcohol was the only substance that ever snagged me. Abstinence from marijuana has not been an issue as marijuana never caused me any drama the way alcohol did. Psychedelics and empathogens are not a problem and I'll probably solo in the hills with half a hit of blotter sometime this weekend. The harder stuff... abstinent from meth cold turkey for almost 8 months and resisted it when it was offered to me for Christmas. :\ Marijuana is helping a lot, particularly nice pine-y, euphoric sativas.

A friend suggested a month of abstinence and then reevaluating social drinking. During this time, I'll be going to therapy. I was so desperate that I actually considered AA but I'm not in favor of the 12-step model for myself.

Now I can work to repair the damage alcohol caused my friendships, my relationship, and overall, my psyche with a clear head. I like who I am better when I don't drink. It's not easy at all when it's so socially acceptable to drink. I'm finally going to start going out on my bike, taking walks at night when I would otherwise be tempted to drink, and concentrating on fitness - n3o, maybe we can motivate each other.

Redleader, I also have the tingles; I attributed it to a side effect of Wellbutrin but I suppose it was my detoxing.

Best of luck to all of us as we approach the weekend. Every day we concentrate on our health, our emotional well-being, the good people in our life - we can remain motivated to be abstinent or light drinkers depending on our situations.

If I can make it to February 5 (1 month since my last drink) I'll feel hopeful and accomplished. There, I said it... now I gotta do it! :)
 
Mariposa said:
Sweet! I'm in. And I realized that since I have been abstinent since very early Monday, today is actually Day 4! The days have kind of blended together lately. I've had crappy life stuff going on but I didn't run to booze like I used to.

Two recent really, really close calls to bad things related directly to booze were the precipitating factor in all of this. I'm not going to make a third strike.

I don't get blackouts but I do get memory spots. Memories flood back to me - some good, some not so much. For the most part, I was fairly functional as a drinker with some really glaring exceptions.
Click to expand...

Ya, me too. I've managed to obtain my masters degree and hold down a great job, all whilst drinking almost daily. I can talk to family and friends while drunk and appear sober, pretty much anthing in life that I can do sober I can do just as well drunk (well up to a point, but you know what I mean). I'm a very good "closet alcoholic."


I have slept over 8 hours all but 1 of these nights thanks to Klonopin and Xanax and a couple Ambien (which just causes me early morning waking). No nightmares yet. I've remained compliant with my Wellbutrin. Last night was rough and there have been some crying spells; yesterday I was driving in an unfamiliar area, the car overheated, and I got really lost... on top of this, I forgot my phone at home!
Click to expand...

Ya, the first few days are rough. I creid today while watching Dr. Phil. Okay, I will repear that. I cried today while watching Dr. Phil!! And many of my friends know me as the guy who does the hilarious Dr. Phil impersonation. It's really rough at first - not having your clutch can feel almost like no longer having a loved one or SO that always was there to help you feel better. You feel lonely and lost, and very intimidated by the choice you know you must make.

I would like not to be dependent on benzos - not realistic as I have panic disorder and a highly anxious/hypervigilant disposition. My doc and I plan to start a taper in the late spring. I was abstinent from benzos most of the summer, which caused me to use alcohol as a far less safe anxiolytic.

I had a giant panic attack but pulled it together and got myself where I needed to be. I wanted a drink when I came home but have requested that alcohol not be in my presence right now. The people in my life have been very understanding.
Click to expand...

Ya, I used to take Xanax via prescription back when I lived in Amerca. I actually liked it a lot, as it did help me sleep and fall asleep regulary. I never got euphoria or recreational value from it, but I kind of liked it being that way, as it kept me from ever abusing it. Problem was that when I relocated to Austalia, down here it is illegal as a pharm as well - doctors do not give it out. I've spoken with several doctors in Brisbane about other medicines, but they're all very stingy with benzos, and just want to hand out lexapro and the like. And as really I am just prone to anxiety and stress over depression, I don't really want to be on anti-depressants. And, alas, I like my mdma...

I've been pretty withdrawn and sad overall. When I think about drinking, I think about the losses I've already incurred and the losses I could yet incur if I don't stay sober. I'm going to try to call some friends today and take someone very special <3 to dinner with the money I'd otherwise have spent on alcohol.
Click to expand...

This is always a good idea - using alcohol or drug money instead on something that feels more genuine. This is one of those things that you NEED to be able to be proud of yourself for doing during your recovery and new beginning.

I've dabbled in just about everything out there to varying degrees, but alcohol was the only substance that ever snagged me. Abstinence from marijuana has not been an issue as marijuana never caused me any drama the way alcohol did. Psychedelics and empathogens are not a problem and I'll probably solo in the hills with half a hit of blotter sometime this weekend. The harder stuff... abstinent from meth cold turkey for almost 8 months and resisted it when it was offered to me for Christmas. :\ Marijuana is helping a lot, particularly nice pine-y, euphoric sativas.
Click to expand...

IMO, alcohol is possibly the most physically addictive substance out there, aside from the more powerful opiates. Why this stuff is legal, well that's one of the mysteries of the modern world. But yes, I've done a full scope of drugs too and it's always alcohol that I end up coming back to. It's amazing how it all works.

A friend suggested a month of abstinence and then reevaluating social drinking. During this time, I'll be going to therapy. I was so desperate that I actually considered AA but I'm not in favor of the 12-step model for myself.

Now I can work to repair the damage alcohol caused my friendships, my relationship, and overall, my psyche with a clear head. I like who I am better when I don't drink. It's not easy at all when it's so socially acceptable to drink. I'm finally going to start going out on my bike, taking walks at night when I would otherwise be tempted to drink, and concentrating on fitness - n3o, maybe we can motivate each other.

Redleader, I also have the tingles; I attributed it to a side effect of Wellbutrin but I suppose it was my detoxing.
Click to expand...

Tingles/shocks/electricity in your brain is more likely from the Wellburtin. But if you're also feeling it in your limbs and hands/feet, then that's probably also from alcohol.
 
n3ophy7e said:
myles that is really really cool, you should be (and more than likely are!) very proud of yourself :)
Keep it up, it's inspiring :)
Click to expand...

thanks a lot, I really am liking the encouragement and support. :) you guys are great...

after the withdrawls stopped, around day 3 or so, the boredum has been the hardest part. I have been signing up for as many extra shifts as possible and going to the gym for a couple of hours every day to keep busy. But when there is nothing to do my mind is wandering, and we all know what that means.

This may sound stupid and completely counter productive, but for the last couple of days eveytime I want a drink really bad, I have been taking a deep breath, going outside and having a cigarette. I know cigarettes are terrible and all the problems that come with them, but at the moment they are helping me deal with the random cravings that hit you all at once. An example of this would be a beer commercial on television.

Tonight, I'm going to see the new Clint Eastwood movie with a sober friend of mine. While he's going to smoke some pot before, but not a drinker.

First friday in a couple years I have been sober. This is the longest I have been sober since May 2006 when I got my tonsils taken out. 6 full days. :D

To everyone else, I wish you all the best, one day at a time. The first three are hell, then it starts to get a littler better.

Peace and love,
myles.
 
^^ I'm so proud of you mate, like I said, your story is really inspiring!
How good does it feel, not only being sober, no withdrawals anymore, but ALSO getting fit. Winning combination :)

Mariposa said:
I'm finally going to start going out on my bike, taking walks at night when I would otherwise be tempted to drink, and concentrating on fitness - n3o, maybe we can motivate each other.
Click to expand...

I'd love that hun, it's much easier when you've got someone to talk about it with :) <3
 
i never realized the sleep problems that come from not drinking. it explains a fair bit about why i can't sleep well, even when i am not drinking. i have more or less been drinking steadily since i was 18 :\

it doesn't interfere with my daily life in any obvious way. i am currently working full time, and going to grad school full time. i actually got a 4.0 last quarter. and i am a great employee, people think i am joking or exaggerating if i mention how often/much i drink. almost all my friends drink frequently, so they don't see a problem either.

but i just posted a blog entry about how i drink to shut off my mind. yet one of the things i want to stop thinking about is how much i drink, so i just drink more until those thoughts go away. i think this is a sign i should re-evaluate how things are going.
 
^^ Yep, definitely a sign that you should re-evaluate things <3
I do the same thing too, especially at the moment, I'm at a bit of a crossroads in my life, a lot of things (especially one thing) on my mind. Not really happy about the situation I'm in so I drink to suppress the thoughts & the heartache.

But we all need to learn more effective coping mechanisms. Drinking doesn't solve anything.
 
Please don't drive, you know you're over the limit.
Think about what happened in your jeep, you don't want to go through something like that again.
 
I made it 4 days.

Then I had 2.7 standard drinks in beer form last night, killing the streak. To be honest it was pretty stupid, as I barely felt the slightest buzz at all. But I guess that's the amount that social drinkers can have and stop, so maybe that's something :\

And my sleeping is back..I've gotten 8+ hours the last two nights, and I have a bit more of a bouncy feeling during the day.

I am to have dinner with a buddy of mine tonight, and his text advertised the event as "dinner and drinks." This is the kinda guy that it is going to be pretty awkward being honest with, so I might have to play the sick card.

I hope everyone's doing okay with their drinking this weekend. n3o, did you have a lot last night?
 
^^ That's great you're getting your sleep back in order, it must feel great!

Yep, I had a lot last night. Oh well...
 
Day 5. No cravings, going to dinner at a place tonight that doesn't serve alcohol and a movie. Enjoyed half of a very strong cannacookie, my meds, some bong rips - that's it for a Friday night.

{{hugs}} to those of you who drank - remember, relapse is part of getting better.

Not having ANY alcohol in the house or going to any places that serve it is the second biggest factor in my success so far. The biggest is that I started to become a fairly shitty person when I was drinking and now I feel like a better person. I also, oddly, need Xanax less often and feel less anxious. Others have noticed and agreed that the change has been positive so far, though it's still too early to tell.

Redleader, I'd play the sick card personally. No way could I be out with people who are drinking heavily right now.

No more tingles/brain feelings either. I can tell the Wellbutrin is starting to work as cigarettes are starting to smell weird and my sex drive has increased.

I cannot believe Xanax is illegal in Australia! It is not difficult to get out of most GPs and a majority of psychiatrists as long as one admits to no history of drug or alcohol abuse and needs it for a legitimate medical problem, which one look at my 12 inch high stack of records... I think they are a bit freer with Klonopin.

You *can* buy codeine OTC, though /jealous

And I never thought I would be saying this, but I found an AA group *especially for agnostics and atheists* that meets Tuesday night in my city. I'm not a fan of the 12-step model at all. I have yet to decide for sure if I want to give them a chance. I won't see it as a relapse if after my initial 30 days I have a glass of wine with dinner, and that's of course contrary to their model.

Best of strength to everyone who is struggling. Chucky, congrats on your 7 days. n3o - don't lose faith! PIP - don't let me catch you driving drunk, young man *puts over knee*.

Who else is using benzos as an aid to recovery/withdrawal? To reset sleep, I now take 250 mg valerian root and 6 mg melatonin. Slept like a log last night. I will probably do a cycle of milk thistle to protect my liver even further.

I could not do this without the support of the people I care about, including all my fellow drunkards here. I'm still a little withdrawn and homebound overall which I think is natural... but I'm not drinking.
 
Ya, we can buy codeine OTC, but it's actually behind the counter at pharmacies, so you do have to have a little chat with a pharmacist about why you need it. And they can be nazis too sometimes. I've been rejected before by a pharmacist becasuse she "thought it would be a good idea if I talked things over with my GP first." And it's not like I ever was even in the store before, or wasn't acting respectfully. It's not exactly like America, where anything OTC is right there in the aisles and you can just stock up.

My problem is that I am about to embark on a month of global travel. And I like getting drunk in foreign cultures. So it's going to be really hard to fight the temptiation. The free drinks on planes, bars in the places I am staying, nightlife I want to see, etc. And alcohol will be my only drug available, as I will be on my own in new places. But I need to try and do it sober.

Does anyone else who has been abusing alcohol find that in the detox period, they are incredibly sensative to caffeine? I just went to a Starbucks and had a tall cup of filtered coffee, and it seriously had me shaking and feeling dizzy. That never used to happen.

I really do think I'd benefit from getting a script for a benzo soon, but I think it's going to have to wait until my traveling is finished. I am going to be staying in the states for an extended period of time starting in February, so maybe I will try and get some Xanax. Anything to try and regulate my sleep schedule and keep me from feeling so easily startled/agitated/etc. all day. I need to stop having to post in the pet peeves thread.
 
Signing in to this wonderful thread :)

Second day sober & I have some temazepam but want to use it sparingly... Have a recovering injury and the pain is a bitch but side effects of painkillers made me turn back to booze for a while. My GP gave me a lecture for the hundredth time about drinking while on anti depressants so I thought I'd have a dry patch. I think this is just about the best I've managed in 10 months so here's hoping I can make it to the weekend?
 
^If your travels bring you to California, drop me a PM :)

You may end up having MORE fun on your vacation if you don't drink or drink lightly - you'll actually remember your travels. ;) Xanax is a lifesaver if you don't misuse it.

I know what you mean about the caffeine. I had some with a small amount of a mild OTC stimulant and felt positively gacked. It's best to minimize caffeine use for a lot of reasons when trying to get better, not the least of which is regulation of your sleep cycle.

T-2 hours to 7 full days of abstinence from alcohol. I desperately wanted a drink tonight but didn't give in. I was lucky none is in the house. The physical part is gone; the emotional part is far from it and I cannot say I am happier abstinent, quite the contrary. I've stuck with it this long, some things really have gotten better that wouldn't have gotten better if I kept drinking. The world alternately looks like a better place and a shittier one. I wish I had a better way to describe that.

Well, at least my liver's happy and I haven't done anything drunk-obnoxious in a week now? :|
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top