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alcoholism thread [merged]

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^^ Also, I've lost so many people in my life who got sick of my addicition that I'm not so sure I should even try to get clean. Part of me says "fuck them all, just drink until you die" and another part says "get clean and start again with new friends". I don't really know what to do, at this point I'm thinking I'll drink until my body shuts down since I've already done so much damage.

I really feel for everyone who is having issues with booze, I know what it's like. I wish everyone the best.
 
so i started this other thread which of coursed got closed but it was called "soo yeah i drink oh well" it will explain more to what im talking about i guess

so i completed my 5 week intensive out patient thing even though i still dranked right when it was done at 9pm but i'm not explaining this

so i only have one a day week thing for only an hour and a half for 16 more weeks

any way i had about 8 or so shots of my vodka that i love. which isn't doing anything so i made another cup with about 4 more so like 12 shots cuz this is all math game now cuz i have class tomorrow

i don't know i know now that if you don't want to stop no body can make you unless you really want to and i don't not really. so my little "rehab" place said if i keep drinking like im drinking or "was" cause apparently i don't drink any more *lol* i will be dead by the time i am 30 cuz im 21 and drinking around 750ml of vodka a day i mean i cut down cuz i had to so i can get through these classes but any way

since i don't know if this thread is about getting sober or not i don't know

so i guess i have a question. so do you any of you just want to drink forever and ever despite all the problems drinking caused becaus i just want to drink or am i jus retarded
 
I see a few death certificates @ my job .. had one come across the other day, female who died from liver failure .. contributing factors: alcoholism + hep c. She was 31.

Youngest I've seen, but outside of the old people dying naturally or a few homicides, its all younger/middle-aged alcoholics/ODs/suicides.

That's how I always figured I'd go out [pick one] .. but that's no way to treat yourself, really.

luckily my alcoholism is still checked in sub-binge-drinking levels. can't kick the habit entirely, but my body is always dehydrated anyway; the negative effects thru 18 hours after getting smashed are too much for me to ever deal with.

just wish i could get my primary addiction to eliminate all competition .. i can't afford two habits :p
and my health sure can't either .. used to run 7 miles a day, now i can't be bothered to eat or do a pushup.
 
even when i don't drink; i'm an alcoholic. i can put it out of my mind here and there like any addiction but when the lust comes it tears into me harder than anything else. it feels like alcohol is a freedom i'm restraining myself from, and that there will be a time in my life when it'll claim me again despite my best efforts.

nah scratch freedom. i feel like... alcohol is my water; need it to survive. i constantly reminisce of the refreshing sting of the english elixer as it courses over my tongue and ignites my alter egos waiting to spring forth from the locked caverns in my mind.

it feeeeeeeeeels.... like my life is a bottle of gin. that's right, a bottle of gin. great care goes into the maceration of the herbs and distillation of the final product. it comes packaged in a sturdy receptacle and kept from the elements by a sealed cap. then one day i come along with my eager eyes and salivating glands and within a day or two i've cracked that seal and sucked all the good out of it.

of course, wrecking my own life through alcoholism may take a while longer than the 2 days a mickey of gin would last me through, but the analogy stays for lack of a better one.
 
thujone said:
it feels like alcohol is a freedom i'm restraining myself from, and that there will be a time in my life when it'll claim me again despite my best efforts.

.
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So fucking true. That was beautifully put.

I can restrain myself from that freedom for a while, but every day?! I can never restrain for long enough in order to get over all the horrible withdrawals and post-acute withdrawals and...then drink with more moderation.

I planned to quit for as long as possible. I was aiming at around 14 weeks or so, as a realistic target. I did 10 and I consider that a relapse, although, like any relapse, I had my reasons. A personal crisis coincided with a friends birthday, and everyone wanting me to drink, as usual, because they don't understand the nature of addiction. I was more than happy to oblige, at any rate. Relapses feel wonderful at first. I knew it was a bad idea, but it seemed worth it, because the thought of drinking was so liberating. In fact, even now, it still seems as though it was worth it, simply to have that first night of drunkeness.

Eventually I became physically addicted again...well I had never actually properly recovered from wd's so that was no surprise. I can count the number of days in which I haven't woken up in withdrawal this year on my fingers and toes.

I just went a week without drinking, suffering from some nasty withdrawals. Then, after all that, I drink again! Which meant waking up to even worse wd's, at 5am to catch my flight back home to London from New York. Thank fuck for valium.
 
sometimes i end up drinking just because i so deeply enjoy mixing drinks.

of course, i also enjoy getting drunk =D
 
I drink around 5-10 beers every night (more on 'party' nights). I can't live without it. Alcohol is a sick, sick drug. Sometimes I wish there we're no psychoactive drugs (yes I know, but the psychedelics are the only good ones IMO).

Since I turned 21(it seems like ages ago), the longest I've been without a drink was 2 months. This was with the help of Campral (a drug that reduces your alcohol cravings). I was living with other alcoholics at the time, so I was coaxed into drinking again.

Being legal and socially acceptable makes it harder to quit. Please, please, please don't drink and drive. I've gotten two DUI's and it would have been less expensive just to take cabs everytime I went to the bar/club.
 
Spurs_1882 said:
I planned to quit for as long as possible. I was aiming at around 14 weeks or so, as a realistic target. I did 10 and I consider that a relapse, although, like any relapse, I had my reasons.

I just went a week without drinking, suffering from some nasty withdrawals. Then, after all that, I drink again! Which meant waking up to even worse wd's, at 5am to catch my flight back home to London from New York. Thank fuck for valium.
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The very fact that you managed to go for 10 weeks without drinking at all is so awesome, I really REALLY admire you for that. It's way more than I've managed to do at any point in the last 3 years! Don't let those couple of slip-ups throw you off-course. Just keep plugging away at it and stay strong, you KNOW you can do it now so just keep on keeping on! PM me if you need to do some venting :)

I have had 3 alcohol-free days this week, which was very unexpected because I was at a conference for work which usually means drinking copious amounts of alcohol every night. But 2 of my collegues are pregnant so it took me a bit more effort and organisation to go out drinking with other company's reps. So on Wednesday night I couldn't be bothered (plus I was massively hungover from Tuesday night, of course)
Yesterday I came down with a nasty bout of influenza so I didn't drink last night, and even though I'm craving alcohol tonight I'm too weak from not being able to eat anything cos I'm so fucking sick. So I physically can't get up and drive to the shops to get something to drink. Ahhh a blessing in a very painful disguise.

I am hoping so very much that after a whole weekend of not drinking, my cravings will have subsided enough so that I can not drink anything at all through the week. Fingers crossed!!
 
Reading these posts makes me glad that I at least dodged that bullet. It must be hell waking up hungover most of the days of the week... Good luck in beating the bottle!
 
hazmat said:
I; an alky and have been fighting this for years. All I have to say is alcoholism is a bitch. Its taking everything i have.
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It is indeed a bitch. How are you going with it at the moment?

brasil, thanks for your kind words :) I'm assuming you were referring to everyone in the thread??

mukaki, very sensible and wise to dodge the alcoholism bullet!! Keep it that way!
 
the strangest thing happened- i don't even enjoy alcohol anymore. WTF!?!? 8o


it wasn't after a night out or a bad hangover i just realized i don't like how it makes me feel.

could it be, i can actually enjoy life whilst sober!??!?8o 8o
 
Acid Eiffel said:
the strangest thing happened- i don't even enjoy alcohol anymore. WTF!?!? 8o


it wasn't after a night out or a bad hangover i just realized i don't like how it makes me feel.

could it be, i can actually enjoy life whilst sober!??!?8o 8o
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That's so awesome AE! I am looking forward to a time when I feel like that too. Currently I'm too sick with the flu to drink, a blessing in disguise hehe. I'm hoping my cravings will subside dramatically while I have this time off drinking.
 
I was out on the town saturday and got wasted, woke up the next morning feeling fine, popped som benzos and slept a little and though "why the hell not" and cracked open a can. That always leads to more cans.

As far as I remember, I wasn't that drunk, I looked at some MSN chats I had at around 23 that night, and I seemed cohorent enough. Certainly not sloppy drunk.

Next morning, I feel like utter shit. The worst god damn nausea ever, took long shower but had to induce vomiting, which helped for a while.

So a few hours later, my hands start tingling and pulsing REALLY intensely (I've never experienced that before, it was like they were on fire), some shakyness, my mind is racing, and I feel absolutely horrible. A xanax took off the edge, but it certainly didn't take away the horrible body feeling.

This shitty feeling starts coming in waves throughout the day, really intense anxiety and feeling completely like shit. I've had similar experiences back when I was drinking a lot more, but I just don't understand why the hell it was this bad.

One thing's for sure, if I didn't have benzos for the next day, I would never drink again.
 
BlackOut said:
I was out on the town saturday and got wasted, woke up the next morning feeling fine, popped som benzos and slept a little and though "why the hell not" and cracked open a can. That always leads to more cans.

As far as I remember, I wasn't that drunk, I looked at some MSN chats I had at around 23 that night, and I seemed cohorent enough. Certainly not sloppy drunk.

One thing's for sure, if I didn't have benzos for the next day, I would never drink again.
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Man, that highlighted sentence is the story of my life the last 4 years, having to go back and check to see if I said anything stupid. Most of the time I had indeed said something reasonably stupid or inappropriate. Ahhh well, my friends are still my friends after all that shit :)

But that's some pretty intense withdrawals BlackOut. It's a bit of a wake-up call huh? Do you think you should just take a break from drinking altogether? Even for like a couple of months or something? How often do you drink now?

I'm now up to Day 5 sobriety, still craving, but still too sick with the flu to even think about drinking. WEIRD!! I've been sick before and still gotten drunk every day, I don't know what's so different about this time. Doesn't matter, all I care about is that I'm not drinking.
 
n3ophy7e said:
The very fact that you managed to go for 10 weeks without drinking at all is so awesome, I really REALLY admire you for that. It's way more than I've managed to do at any point in the last 3 years! Don't let those couple of slip-ups throw you off-course. Just keep plugging away at it and stay strong, you KNOW you can do it now so just keep on keeping on! PM me if you need to do some venting :)

I have had 3 alcohol-free days this week, which was very unexpected because I was at a conference for work which usually means drinking copious amounts of alcohol every night. But 2 of my collegues are pregnant so it took me a bit more effort and organisation to go out drinking with other company's reps. So on Wednesday night I couldn't be bothered (plus I was massively hungover from Tuesday night, of course)
Yesterday I came down with a nasty bout of influenza so I didn't drink last night, and even though I'm craving alcohol tonight I'm too weak from not being able to eat anything cos I'm so fucking sick. So I physically can't get up and drive to the shops to get something to drink. Ahhh a blessing in a very painful disguise.

I am hoping so very much that after a whole weekend of not drinking, my cravings will have subsided enough so that I can not drink anything at all through the week. Fingers crossed!!
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Hey, thanks so much for your kind words. They mean a lot and they give me strength. I haven't had a drink for ten days now (although I've done a lot of benzos in that time) and I think I'm starting to feel a bit better. My life has had its fair share of drama and excitement recently and that's helped me a lot in not drinking. It's as much the periods when nothing happens, as the really bad periods, that make me want to get drunk. Fuck knows how long I'm going to try and be sobre for. I'm not going to set a time scale; let's just say I am aiming to drink rarely and moderately until Christmas (with possible exceptions on the odd special occasion).

I have welcomed the flu on a few occasions due to the fact that it gives me a few days when I won't be craving alcohol so much! So I can empathise with your situation. Still, you're doing well not to be drinking, and like you I have often drank through my illnesses. When you've recovered, why not try and stay sobre again for the same amount of days you were sobre whilst ill?

Blackout- you sound so much like me it's not funny. I think your rebound anxiety was so bad because you had drunk for two days in a row...the body gets more dependent the longer you drink for. You probably know this though, we've talked about it before.
 
absent minded said:
since i've been on suboxone, my drinking has been cut by half.. the good effects of alcohol seem to be gone and i'm feeling sick after 2 beers now. thats a good thing for me however, because alcohol has always been a thorn in my side.
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lol yeah I agree with you on that. being on suboxone will make alcohol not have the good effects it once had... I swear they should give bupe to alcohol addicts... Myself i've never even been close to alcoholism... opiates have always been my DOC.. But I'll smoke bud till the day I die cuz it ain't no drug and its the healing herb.:D
 
Spurs_1882 said:
Hey, thanks so much for your kind words. They mean a lot and they give me strength. I haven't had a drink for ten days now (although I've done a lot of benzos in that time) and I think I'm starting to feel a bit better. My life has had its fair share of drama and excitement recently and that's helped me a lot in not drinking. It's as much the periods when nothing happens, as the really bad periods, that make me want to get drunk. Fuck knows how long I'm going to try and be sobre for. I'm not going to set a time scale; let's just say I am aiming to drink rarely and moderately until Christmas (with possible exceptions on the odd special occasion).

I have welcomed the flu on a few occasions due to the fact that it gives me a few days when I won't be craving alcohol so much! So I can empathise with your situation. Still, you're doing well not to be drinking, and like you I have often drank through my illnesses. When you've recovered, why not try and stay sobre again for the same amount of days you were sobre whilst ill?
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I hope the drama and excitement is all good and not bad drama??
All you can do is try to not drink, and now you KNOW you can be sober for 10 weeks so whenever you feel weakness, just remind yourself of that :)
Christmas is a great goal, it's a lovely time of year that you can look forward to and use as an incentive to not drink much until then. Good luck!! <3

Me and my fucked-up brain, on the other hand, are thinking that I might have some red wine tonight. I'm feeling a bit better from the flu (although still not 100% ), and I know that I'm seeing my psychiatrist on Friday and he's going to start me on Naltrexone. So I'm thinking I may as well enjoy a few drinks while I can! SO WEAK! I know! I'm still undecided if I'm actually going to have some wine but fuck it would be nice...
 
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