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Alcoholism Discussion Thread Version 7.0

Even functtioning alcoholics crash and burn but theirs is worse cause theve ammased a family and kids and a home and all the material shit and not al but some lose it all eventually. Even my own father whos had a shaky past lives in a golf community and has it all or whatever but cant relax at night without his several glasses of wine. Im not saying hes an alcoholic but alcoholism can be hidden is suburbia much eaier than people of meek surroundings. Having 7 glasses of wine at girls night is standard. Functioning our not the disease catches up with you
 
There is some circular logic here - if you an alcoholic/addict then by definition you will have to stop drinking/using in order to find lasting success in recovery. That said, it is by no means so simple. Define drug/alcohol and addict/alcoholic, and once you understand the nuances and differences you will be long on your way. Start the journey by being ruthlessly honest with yourself, then try and be brave enough to be fearlessly honest with even just one trustworthy, responsible, healthy role-model-kind of person. That is the trick ;)
 
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closeau said:
Even functtioning alcoholics crash and burn but theirs is worse cause theve ammased a family and kids and a home and all the material shit and not al but some lose it all eventually. Even my own father whos had a shaky past lives in a golf community and has it all or whatever but cant relax at night without his several glasses of wine. Im not saying hes an alcoholic but alcoholism can be hidden is suburbia much eaier than people of meek surroundings. Having 7 glasses of wine at girls night is standard. Functioning our not the disease catches up with you
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So true. I was a functional alcoholic. By day I was a software engineer, by night a drunk, sometimes even a junkie depending on what was available. I had horrible days where I would be up all night drinking and doing lines and still have to be at the office at 0800. I made great money, bought a house on the golf course by the beach, had a daily driving car and a hot little sports car in the garage, and was absolutely miserable. I pissed away hundreds of thousands of dollars with my various addictions, and now that I'm sober have found that I have rendered myself stupid.

I am not working a job in my field because I feel I am too slow to keep writing code - I need to go back to school again. Fortunately, I didn't lose anything, but money is tight because I got the family in debt over drugs. I could have had everything paid off, but no, we still have a mortgage and a car payment because I decided to spend my cash on booze and frivolous shopping.

I think trying to be a functional addict is harder than just being an addict. It takes a lot of energy hiding the problem, and you don't have the luxury of calling in sick, so regardless of how sick you feel you still have to show up at the office, get the job done, and act like everything is fine even if you're vomiting every 30 minutes. Some how it's very easy to convince yourself that everything is fine, and when you finally admit that you're not fine, the stress and depression from the realization of epic failure is devestating.

I feel like I am becoming successful in life only now because I am sober and able to live a happy healthy life. The material possessions don't do a thing for me except serve as a reminder of how selfish and superficial I once was. I hid my insecurities behind luxury items and convinced myself I had value as a person because I could buy expensive stuff that most people dream about. Only when I dealt with my problems did I learn how horribly sick I was.

Ironically, I live paycheck to paycheck now making entry level cash and I have never been happier in life.
 
^ Exactly, especially about trying to be functional.

Life is becoming our monthly paychecks. And I believe that this was one of the reasons I also needed to use in order to work and function properly.

It's ironic to see how many appraisals - both in my personal and professional life I was awarded with because of my continuously efficiency. But it's only a matter of time until people know what's going on as start to wonder how you are taking it. It's not possible to be that functional, that perfect and keep a healthy life long enough.

A friend of mine once said every one sees how much you take but only you feel how it consumes/destroys yourself - something like that. She was actually trying to tell me I was rock bottom even before I knew it. When we are young we think it's possible to live like that forever and that nobody will notice as you can be productive and believe it won't make you fall but reality brutally tells you the contrary. I had to make an option and regardless of how difficult life became I never look back, I don't ever want to be that person again. It was not real, it was not really who I was.
 
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Yes Moreaux, i had same thing. Not on the scale of yourself but i was in management at a very early age and when lab manager became regional manager i was set. Had a beautiful fiance and did travel a lot which was great for my drink/ using. I held it together for a very long time but as we all know addiction is a progressive disease so things got out of control and was finally asked by management if i had a problem. I said no no im fine. He said you smell like a distillary and you have caked up powder on your nose. Oops. One of those mornings self hygine took a backseat. I started crying and said yes i have a problem. That was the very first time i admitted i had a problem. He was kind and stripped me of regional and let me run the lab there where i lived. Probationary process. I did ok for awhile but never recieved proper treatment so i was back at it pretty soon and messing up at work and lost control of my people and my fiance found out and you know women, she was most upset i lied to her. Im suprised she was so suprised. After that talk she walked in on me snorting heroin and she left. Never seen her till recently on FB and sent her a kind message and she was sweet and happy for me. My job ended up letting me go despite efforts of rehab and such but i guess i wasnt worth it. Drunk or not, i worked my ass off for that company for 17 years and no rehab or anything. Oh well. I was able to work out my resentment in the program. I think your right, its easier to be an addict when you dont have much. Holding it together like that was gonna give me a heartattack and i still talk to my buddies who i trained who are now managers and even the guy that fired me found my number and called me about a year ago. That was nice. I could have a job in there in a sec but im truly disabled. Makes thing tight. Im getting a month right now about a third of what i was making a week down there. I came into work drunk and high in maryland and turned down 90000$ yr bc i had another job lined up that had tons of pitential but went in there drunk in there and firgot to turn the burners in and a bittle sitting on the counter. Classic

Sorry, paragraphs. Today i dont have much i rent a gross place with no water. But i have my sobriety. I havent been drunk in about 3 years but took a swig last April and it made my ostomy bag go crazy so i spilled it out. But it counts so April was a year. I have had a problem with my pain meds but its taken care of. I tried getting off of them in Feb which was wd hell but i lasted a week and my pain was so intense i coudnt work. I have clots in my legs and my abdomen hurts cause i had my colon out last summer. So no working for me which is hard cause im used to kicking my ass at work.

I dont know how functioning alcoholics turned into my bio. I apologize. Theres so mant out here like we were. Unless youre lucky enough to work at google. I hear they have a kick ass system for addicts and even have meetings at work. Nobody likes getting lied to and that becomes our way of life so we cannot help but fall apart. Sweet surrender!!! I surrender every morning cause fighting makes it worse. I have a beautiful 10 yr old daughter who lives far from me but shes gonna need me soon so i do it for her. Anyway, glad things worked out for you man and Erikmen, good post. Ttyl
 
Mmp85 said:
I think what you're trying to refer to are "functioning alcoholics".
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I think functioning alcoholic is the one who drinks excessively, cannot leave the drink but does OK at work. But do you think once an alcoholic, will ever be able to drink again?
 
I seriously don't know how you, functioning alcoholics, do it. When I was an alcoholic if I drank, excessively of course, my head was just stupid, I could not do the simplest thing for two days after lol
 
SergeKolpa said:
I think functioning alcoholic is the one who drinks excessively, cannot leave the drink but does OK at work. But do you think once an alcoholic, will ever be able to drink again?
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I know I can never drink agin. I hve gotten sober from alcohol three times in my life, and the first two times I thought maybe there is a chance I can drink normally after a break of a year of abstaining. I found the minute I had another drink I was right back into full blown addiction with no control over drinking. I've been to rehab twice for alcohol and have finally accepted that I cannot drink. The pain of the alcoholic life is too great for me, and I have finally come to terms with not being able to drink.

It's very hard to accept not being able to drink again for the rest of your life, especially if you are young. Overtime, you learn to accept it and it is no longer a driving force in your life.


SergeKolpa said:
I seriously don't know how you, functioning alcoholics, do it. When I was an alcoholic if I drank, excessively of course, my head was just stupid, I could not do the simplest thing for two days after lol
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It was so hard, and it's no way to live. I probably spent 20 hours a week trying to compensate for the drinking to remain functional. That was on top of a 60 hour a week job, and having to maintain a house as I was single and a homeowner, so I didn't have help with household maintenance (house cleaning, yard work, etc). I tried to maintain that lifestyle for 10 years and it almost broke me. I would not recommend it to anyone.
 
I have to say I don't agree with the term "functional alcoholic" for two reasons. First, the person may appear functional to outsiders, but they really are not functioning well. Second, the term implies that alcohol is not a problem, when in reality it is.

As somebody who was deemed a functional alcoholic, I found t difficult for health care providers to accept my addiction and get adequate treatment for it. It was hard to get into rehab, even though I was in and out of the emergency room for drinking to much on a weekly basis. I was shut down so many times in trying to get help because I was working and I was a home owner, and I find the label "functional alcoholic" to be very harmful to the person that has it applied to them. Thought I would share my opinion on that.
 
Moreaux said:
I know I can never drink again. I hve gotten sober from alcohol three times in my life, and the first two times I thought maybe there is a chance I can drink normally after a break of a year of abstaining. I found the minute I had another drink I was right back into full blown addiction with no control over drinking. I've been to rehab twice for alcohol and have finally accepted that I cannot drink. The pain of the alcoholic life is too great for me, and I have finally come to terms with not being able to drink.

It's very hard to accept not being able to drink again for the rest of your life, especially if you are young. Overtime, you learn to accept it and it is no longer a driving force in your life.
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Even you stop society in general tends to influence you to drink occasionally. Even family members. My uncle is an alcoholic and he used to drink whisky, bourbon, and after he stopped I had seen a lot of people offering him a beer and insisting that he joined the others.

Drinking on celebrations like Christmas, New Year's even and others social events are interpreted differently for most non-alcoholics as they insist it's a must. Like a free pass to drink light beverages. He was a professor and also at work it was almost unacceptable not to drink on graduations parties. In some countries you really have to pretend you are drinking or else you might seen to snob to refuse their champagne for example.

In other words, I imagine it's tough not to be able to drink for the rest of your life when you feel like drinking and you have the support of so many people that are close to you. This is completely different with cigarettes IMO and of course with drugs, except if you keep going out with your old friends, those who used to 'party' with you.
 
I am a long time junctional funckie myself! %)

Everyone please be nice and kind to yourself please. How we treat ourselves is how we should expect others to treat us. That is the platinum rule :)
 
^ I agree 100% with you. If you are not kind to yourself it seems like it's okay for others not to treat you accordingly.
 
Erikmen said:
Even you stop society in general tends to influence you to drink occasionally. Even family members. My uncle is an alcoholic and he used to drink whisky, bourbon, and after he stopped I had seen a lot of people offering him a beer and insisting that he joined the others.

Drinking on celebrations like Christmas, New Year's even and others social events are interpreted differently for most non-alcoholics as they insist it's a must. Like a free pass to drink light beverages. He was a professor and also at work it was almost unacceptable not to drink on graduations parties. In some countries you really have to pretend you are drinking or else you might seen to snob to refuse their champagne for example.

In other words, I imagine it's tough not to be able to drink for the rest of your life when you feel like drinking and you have the support of so many people that are close to you. This is completely different with cigarettes IMO and of course with drugs, except if you keep going out with your old friends, those who used to 'party' with you.
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Though I don't really try to hide that I'm recovery, I don't broadcast it either. If it's a wine function I will bring a small container of ginger ale and carry it my purse until I can get a wine glass, then I pour it in there and it looks like I'm drinking wine. Otherwise, I'll order a juice and have them stick it in a highball glass with a flag. Most people don't notice the beverage isn't alcoholic. If there's no possible way to fake it I say I'm on medication and can't drink. If people press the issue, I will turn it around on them and make them feel stupid.

It's not just booze, it's food as well. I eat clean and people (ironically, usually obese people) always try to push junk food on me. I do the same to them as well.

If people are persistent and pushy, and continue after I politely decline the first time, then they aren't respecting my boundaries, and it's disrespectful. I can have a sharp tongue with diplomatic words, so they get the message quickly. It doesn't ruin the gathering as I'm not being openly hostile or rude, but it gets them off my back lol. Nobody has a right to dictate what I put in my body, and I am way past being concerned about pleasing other people. I guess one benefit of aging is that the older you get, the less external validation you need lol.
 
Of course, I understand that you have to adapt and be creative.
These are good routine tricks and we all create our own methods whether it's food related or drink, etc.

What I believe to be the real challenge was to relate with all of these around you when you are craving for alcohol, for instance. Not to mention it's a legal drug and freely sold to every adult basically everywhere.

I know that people at work, family and friends won't offer me painkillers or cigarettes as often as they would have done it with alcohol. Sometimes I think how difficult it would have been if all of the things I have used was available like that. I suppose it would be much more difficult. That's why I think alcohol is even a worse drug, not only because it's socially accepted but because it also produces physical withdrawal, addiction, and obviously quite toxic even if consumed moderately for long periods.
 
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Moreaux said:
Though I don't really try to hide that I'm recovery, I don't broadcast it either. If it's a wine function I will bring a small container of ginger ale and carry it my purse until I can get a wine glass, then I pour it in there and it looks like I'm drinking wine. Otherwise, I'll order a juice and have them stick it in a highball glass with a flag. Most people don't notice the beverage isn't alcoholic. If there's no possible way to fake it I say I'm on medication and can't drink. If people press the issue, I will turn it around on them and make them feel stupid.

It's not just booze, it's food as well. I eat clean and people (ironically, usually obese people) always try to push junk food on me. I do the same to them as well.

If people are persistent and pushy, and continue after I politely decline the first time, then they aren't respecting my boundaries, and it's disrespectful. I can have a sharp tongue with diplomatic words, so they get the message quickly. It doesn't ruin the gathering as I'm not being openly hostile or rude, but it gets them off my back lol. Nobody has a right to dictate what I put in my body, and I am way past being concerned about pleasing other people. I guess one benefit of aging is that the older you get, the less external validation you need lol.
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Agreed, I mean we all live under different circumstances, so some of us can afford to be a bit more open about it while others would be foolish for doing so. That said, I find that I am much happier since I learned how to safely "come out" (the parallels with sexual identity here are striking in terms of stigma and ivnorance in the western so-called civilized world) regarding my struggles with addiction when it comes to friends and family. Basically when it comes to people I love and know well, and who I want to be loved by and known well by, I have had to learn to be honest, frank, and, most importantly, educate them about addiction and my struggles to find meaningful, lasting recovery.

Right now I find I benefit most from learning to become more self compassionate, to learn to really begin to love myself for who I am, to allow myself the space to grow, the curiosity necessary to discover what it authentically means to be the genuine me, the bravery to educate others about who I am and the courage to try, to always keep trying to reach towards my potential, armed with the insights gleaned through self discovery made possible by becoming skilled at being kind and gentle with myself - it is all about loving yourself at the end of th day. That is why they say it is actually good to be selfish in such a way, because only through such "selfishnees," what is actually self compassion to more trained eyes, is it possible to experience the wonders and joys that come in truly loving another unconditionally. But one must begin with one's self.
 
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My first time drinking I was probably 15. I was blown away by the rush I got from slamming a bunch of different hard liquors whileI was supposed to be feeding my neighbors cat while they were on vacation. I wandered out into the local forest and tripped on some barbwire. Then things got very spinny. Many years after that I got sober for good. Although I attended AA a lot through the years, when I finally knew I wanted out of the alcohol bottle for good I found that I felt like I was wasting time sitting in meetings. Nowadays I am slowly studying buddhism, and just enjoying life while I work my job and intern at a rehab center :)
 
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