junglejuice
Bluelight Crew
Thanks guys 

i really need advice, i know its mostly cause of the drinking, but even when im sober i cant go more than a couple hours before thnking about killing myselve.the longest ive mad it latley without drinking is like 2 days and honestly i havent spent a cent on alcohol in at least 2or 4 weeks, how do you stay sober when all realy think about is is suicide?
sorry if im a bit melodramatic ive already gone through a 1/5th and i just aquired another 1/2th gallon. hopefullly this time i wont wake in the hospital
While my life is infinitely more rewarding now that it doesn't revolve around alcohol abuse, I don't really think of it in terms of "sobriety" being rewarding per se. For me, it's more that alcohol abuse impaired my ability to enjoy my life and diminished my motivation to fix the things I was unhappy with (alcohol was always an "escape" for me - it allowed me to mentally escape when I couldn't physically do so). I enjoy my life now that I no longer abuse alcohol, but the absence of abuse didn't create that enjoyment - it simply allows it. Ceasing to abuse alcohol was necessary for me to find contentment but it certainly wasn't sufficient.
after finishing an insane bender over the weekend by ending up in the hospital, ive decided to try to lay off the hard liqour or possibly just stop in favor of getting back on ativan. ive manged to get through the past couple days with just a couple four lokos. though yesterday i had the shakes a little, today i was fine. hopefully i can last a little while longer before going back to vodka ive been blacking out way to often lately
phactor;11343795 I know that if I do not deal with my issues said:This gets easier with age, phactor. I think the hyper-critical voice is a very common trait when it comes to self-medicating. The good news is that it lessens a bit with age , making it easier to change. It's definitely a balancing act to have the motivation to change and self-acceptance at the same time.![]()