alcoholisim gone wild

[klonolover]

Don't actually know where to begin my story. I think I have always known I was an alcoholic starting from the age of 13. Always the one drinking to much, hurling etc. Throughout my later teens and 20's managed to keep it together mostly due to my youth and some say good looks (although I beg to differ on occassion). Met my to be husband at 25 who may drink 1 or 2 beers and some red wine, 1 glass at the most. Trying to make this as short as possible sorry. Got married tried to conceive dr said don't drink and no illegal or otc meds. Well it took 4 years. Needless to say I had to take a million pregnancy tests to believe it! During all this time I really had no desire at all to drink or drug as I had an extremely strong motivator. Breastfeed all my children 3 now. Made them organic food from scratch etc....Fast forward my last child and only son has autism and adhd and is such a handful we must leave him home with a sitter when we want to go out, yet all of us think A part of us is missing. I can't say when my drinking turned on me, only that it was shortly after my son was diagnosed. It became every nite a bottle of wine then somewhere vodka at lunch. We moved 5 years ago to a better school district and during the 1ast 3 years I knew not a single sole as I began at some point drinking 24/7 even having a bottle by the bed cause I couldn't sleep. Had to drink to get kids to school. As many of you have said I had to drink to feel "normal". Well cutting to the chase 2 years ago I missed hearing my sons bus outside so they took him back to the school. Called and I heard the phone and said I would pick him up. Put my 2 girls in the car 9 and 7 and went to get him. Seemed to take a long time and was then confronted by the police who breathilized me(without a miranda) and took me off to the local police station. I will NEVER EVER forget the look in my little girls eyes that day. Had a good lawyer thanks to family and got of all but one charge. All child endangerment charges dropped etc. My whole point is that did not stop me, sure it did for about a year and from that point on I have had periods where I have drank for a month or so, nowhere near before, have been to detox 3-4 times and have stayed sober 80percent of the time. Alcoholisim is so insidious after putting my family through this how could I even think of drinking? Yet I do. WTF. It is now a felony in NY where I live to drive with kids while under the influence - so instant jail time. Anyway needed to get that out there, have tools from AA which was not for me but helped in the early days and am about to start CBT. Will let you know how it goes. Finally a shout out to my fellow Aussies, I am from Sydney and soooooooo inderstand the drinking culture coming fron a family of raging drinkers and smokers on both sides. Thanks for reading this if you had the time. Just want to get to the guilt down in writing and get back to the "satisified" place in my life again. xo

 

[Klue]

Like I said in your intro thread, NMI isn't the place where you're going to get good responses to this sort of thing. You found The Dark Side forum yet? I'm going to move this over there and they may merge it with the Alcoholism thread.

Mods??

NMI ---------> TDS

 

[rollingstoned!]

EXCERCISE WHEN YOU WANT TO DRINK!!! I mean work out till your as drunk as you'd want to be. It's harder to start working then picking up a bottle a drinking, but it will work.

"OHH alcohol" = "Shit I better go do 50 pushups right now". Plus if your kids see you working out, it's magnitudes more awesome than them seeing you drinking.

 

[klonolover]

exercise

Thanks so much for repling - was not sure I was even on the right site for my problems. My son is severly autistic and I refuse to put him in a home. I am finding I am drinking about a half pint most days just to get through it. He is not the kind of child I can just take to the zoo etc cause of meltdowns and defiance. So here I am having quit my job to take care of him, not to mention my beautiful daughters. Can't go to rehab detox, can't find a Dr to prescribe librium they all say I need to go away to detox! Have no family here am at my witts end as to what I should do next???? Hope someone can relate to my story and offer some advice as I am really DESPARATE. BTW went to ER would not give me a thing said I must be admitted for at least 72 hrs How the **** can I do that? Thanks for listening.

 

[klonolover]

Are there any moms out there with similiar problems??

 

[dragonslayer428]

I totally know what you are going through.

I am a recovering alcoholic. Had my first drink at 12, but really didn't get heavy into drinking until my late 20's (I'm 37 now). I realized I was an alcoholic about 7 years ago. I tried everything to stop, but couldn't. About 4 years ago I had a routine check up. My liver enzymes came back abnormal. They did a Ultra-Sound on my liver and discovered I had fibrosis, which is still reversible, but right before cirrhosis occurs. The liver Dr gave me a year to live if I kept drinking. Well, that didn't even stop me. In fact, I kept drinking heavily. Finally, I woke up and realized that I didn't want to die and leave my son without a father (if it weren't for having my son, I probably would be dead now).

To make a long story short, I know you said you aren't into AA; however, it has been the only thing that has kept me sober. I have relapsed about 4 times, but always manage to get back on track. Giving my alcoholism and life to G-d has been the ONLY thing that has kept me sober. I don't mean to preach, but I'm just saying what works for me. Frankly, I don't know any TRUE alcoholic that has stopped on their own. There is a big difference between a heavy drinker and an alcoholic. A heavy drinker can stop for health reason, love etc. An alcoholic can not.

Anyway, I REALLY suggest that you give AA a chance. I know it's not for anyone, but it works!

Let me know if you need someone to talk to. I hope this helps. There IS hope!

 

[paranoid android]

I have no idea why a doctor would not prescribe you librium or better yet valium for alcohol withdrawal. Actually i do as some docs just don't like scripting benzos as that is their ideology and nothing more. Find another doctor somewhere that will give you a small benzo script to take if you need it. However if you are bad enough where quitting cold turkey would actually be dangerous then detox would be the way to go. It doesent sound like you are at that stage of physical addiction though.

As for doctor problems i can understand completely. I have become so frustated with these bastards and their total indifference to human suffering over the years that i have come close to tossing atleast one out the window . It was only about 20 feet to the ground so 2 smashed legs and busted up bones might have done them abit of good actually. Just joking

Good luck to you. I have also had my fair share of problems with alcohol and was a full blown alcoholic for years. So yeah i know how difficult it is to quit thats for sure. But you can do it you just have to keep at it.

 

[lisha76]

Having a child with speical needs in itself needs a support system. Its very overwhelming and a understatment to say its a all day job. Your mind is never at ease, constant worry and having patience for your child. that in itself needs a strong support system. and being a mom that drinks can make you feel even less than what you are. Is there a support system there for parents of speical needs children. ?

 

[b4rd]

You have many willing people on this site to understand and relate to the frustration and insanity that addiction comes with. By writing this, I hope that you have helped yourself by venting.

But you need to sober up! Do anything! You have children, and you need to get serious or you are going to lose them. Imagine if you lose your children, you will lose the loves of your life, your "purpose" to live.

Please get some help, whether that means going to rehab, attending 7 AA meetings a week, or anything of the sort. Talk to your family, you need help, and you need to keep your kids.