lolis my thesis
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2022
- Messages
- 317
To those suffering; maybe this medicine could help for awhile. Not recommending it to anyone but it helps me sleep and dream. I dreamt my son somehow iced a girl and left her in the tub, not that it was pleasant, but I found relese of some emotional baggage haha. I have the memory of an 80+ year old. I have/had akathesia, damn infuriating. I had a cervical disc replaced with an artificial one and also another one that is fused. I spent 3 years in a surgical collar, not able to turn my head or look up. But it's not so bad as that now and I had no idea I would ever improve even a little. Change someday even without any drastic action on my part; yes sometimes for the worse. Better sleep with dreams is awesome. My dick is not as dead as I thought as I also had a nocturnal emmision!
The akasthesia was/is from GABA drugs like clonazepam and pregabalin; plus some syndrome that has been called fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, Ehler Danos Syndrome or whatever. Professionals have told me I am FFL (fucked for life). Every doctor eventually throws up their hands and just tries to ween me off of drugs. The only thing that gives me pleasure, no thanks.
Scorn abounds and at the pharmacy they lecture me, at 57 my prospects of finding a sex partner seems less and less But my dick woke up finally after a few years; go figure; however I tore biceps tendons in both arms so now my dick is alive but I can't even masturbate(like I used to). Call me T-rex lol. I have lived knowing that my dogs would eat me before being found, no doubt dick first as they enjoy mushrooms. I have 0 teeth. Also a broken wrist that wont heal for the past 3 years; painful screws coming out of my ankle from hardware dating back to 2006. Will it ever get better? I know only that things will change for better and also for worse, but knowing that I feel no need to rush thIngs. Im so fucked up its kinda funny to me rather than portraying a tragic figure.
I hope to stay alive! and live joyfully. I can use a computer and write verbosely and maybe coherently. As I wish to keep trying no matter the personal cost till the wheels fall off, I hope you all do the same. Try it! Maybe something plus time will help change you; change will come to you no matter what. I had the opportunity to see my son good as dead and I got to try and revive him with narcan and the ability to dial 911 and do CPR(he lived) thanks to my knowledge and 4 extra mgs of narcan from the paramedics. Before they arrived, it hadn't been enough to see signs of life as I kept inflating him like a grey, then blue rubber raft, futility from the spawn of my fertility.
Lucky for paramedics who had more narcan so he lived; my extended family and myself have been saved the grief of losing him for now. All thanks to me, my drug addiction, and my resolute die-hardness to take opiods in spite of doctors telling me to man up, get off drugs, and pull my big boy pants on. Well my son would have died without my knowledge from Bluelight.
But for my own physical and psychological dilemma... Been hurting and dealing symptoms since 1998. Mostly everything has progressed; I'm exhausted and wake up exhausted. My wife with my teeth lost to an auto accident; then divorce from her burning out as my caregiver; and I have adult children. and 90 year old parents who I won't leave on purpose. I try very hard not to run out of meds; as it leads to insomnia and movement disorders such as akasthesia but I also abuse them. Some have tried pregabalin but then just want to chalk it up as yet another thing that don't work...at least for me it works in that it gets me high at least.
I can only imagine how you feel. I know you sleep (because you say you wake up). Exhausted or not. I take methadone for pain, clonazepam and pregabalin for my mood. Spent all my money on doctors and as hopeless as I have felt; I would leave a few people who would grieve me even if they keep me and my illness at arm's length. They don't understand or just think I'm a drug addict. Sometimes a week will go by without a text or call to my phone. I bought a jacuzzi that I cant use cuz extreme temps make me sicker...woe is poor me.
I used to be able to be a teacher, a surfer, an athlete. Exercise as well as confrontation now must be managed as too much stimulation just makes it worse.
So, yeah recently I stumbled upon substance that has helped a bit. AGOMELATINE; it not only allows me to fall asleep, but I also get some crazy dreams which means REM sleep has improved. and I am less tired and don't sleep until 3pm ATM. No teeth takes lots of fun out of eating; seems I have gone from young buck to old man in the blink of an eye. Cant surf anymore, but nobody surfs FOREVER. Now I skateboard for the thrill of it but falling or having fun for too long one day can set me back in a big way.
Have you exhausted everything short of everything under the sun? Tried and failed and tried again? How are your hormones? What I hate is navigating the medical. Naturopath will take cash and tell me Im sick.She had me on hydrocortisone pills and they helped. But my insurance covered doc doesn't buy her angle so lifted me off the hydrocortisone. Which left me exhausted and sleeping till 3pm again. Surgeons are curt and dismissive saying I'm fine. Pharmacists are loathe to give me drugs. Yet I plod on and refuse to be pathetic; I accept I may not last forever, but things have sucked for me by varying degrees for 28 years. Im slowly getting better and I hope I do before I die of natural causes....
Your life has meaning, one who doesn't even know you, but if you can write communicate your feelings; while have akasthesia and anhedonia. thyou have a superpower cuz I could not peck at my keyboard when I have those symptoms.
Things will change for us all; I hope for the better. I enjoy my life in spite of myself; sometimes its just from taking drugs. I can't say things will ever be alright for u or myself and since I
cant turn off underline but cheers there are others suffering with quality of life issues, Love from Oregon...
The akasthesia was/is from GABA drugs like clonazepam and pregabalin; plus some syndrome that has been called fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, Ehler Danos Syndrome or whatever. Professionals have told me I am FFL (fucked for life). Every doctor eventually throws up their hands and just tries to ween me off of drugs. The only thing that gives me pleasure, no thanks.
Scorn abounds and at the pharmacy they lecture me, at 57 my prospects of finding a sex partner seems less and less But my dick woke up finally after a few years; go figure; however I tore biceps tendons in both arms so now my dick is alive but I can't even masturbate(like I used to). Call me T-rex lol. I have lived knowing that my dogs would eat me before being found, no doubt dick first as they enjoy mushrooms. I have 0 teeth. Also a broken wrist that wont heal for the past 3 years; painful screws coming out of my ankle from hardware dating back to 2006. Will it ever get better? I know only that things will change for better and also for worse, but knowing that I feel no need to rush thIngs. Im so fucked up its kinda funny to me rather than portraying a tragic figure.
I hope to stay alive! and live joyfully. I can use a computer and write verbosely and maybe coherently. As I wish to keep trying no matter the personal cost till the wheels fall off, I hope you all do the same. Try it! Maybe something plus time will help change you; change will come to you no matter what. I had the opportunity to see my son good as dead and I got to try and revive him with narcan and the ability to dial 911 and do CPR(he lived) thanks to my knowledge and 4 extra mgs of narcan from the paramedics. Before they arrived, it hadn't been enough to see signs of life as I kept inflating him like a grey, then blue rubber raft, futility from the spawn of my fertility.
Lucky for paramedics who had more narcan so he lived; my extended family and myself have been saved the grief of losing him for now. All thanks to me, my drug addiction, and my resolute die-hardness to take opiods in spite of doctors telling me to man up, get off drugs, and pull my big boy pants on. Well my son would have died without my knowledge from Bluelight.
But for my own physical and psychological dilemma... Been hurting and dealing symptoms since 1998. Mostly everything has progressed; I'm exhausted and wake up exhausted. My wife with my teeth lost to an auto accident; then divorce from her burning out as my caregiver; and I have adult children. and 90 year old parents who I won't leave on purpose. I try very hard not to run out of meds; as it leads to insomnia and movement disorders such as akasthesia but I also abuse them. Some have tried pregabalin but then just want to chalk it up as yet another thing that don't work...at least for me it works in that it gets me high at least.
I can only imagine how you feel. I know you sleep (because you say you wake up). Exhausted or not. I take methadone for pain, clonazepam and pregabalin for my mood. Spent all my money on doctors and as hopeless as I have felt; I would leave a few people who would grieve me even if they keep me and my illness at arm's length. They don't understand or just think I'm a drug addict. Sometimes a week will go by without a text or call to my phone. I bought a jacuzzi that I cant use cuz extreme temps make me sicker...woe is poor me.
I used to be able to be a teacher, a surfer, an athlete. Exercise as well as confrontation now must be managed as too much stimulation just makes it worse.
So, yeah recently I stumbled upon substance that has helped a bit. AGOMELATINE; it not only allows me to fall asleep, but I also get some crazy dreams which means REM sleep has improved. and I am less tired and don't sleep until 3pm ATM. No teeth takes lots of fun out of eating; seems I have gone from young buck to old man in the blink of an eye. Cant surf anymore, but nobody surfs FOREVER. Now I skateboard for the thrill of it but falling or having fun for too long one day can set me back in a big way.
Have you exhausted everything short of everything under the sun? Tried and failed and tried again? How are your hormones? What I hate is navigating the medical. Naturopath will take cash and tell me Im sick.She had me on hydrocortisone pills and they helped. But my insurance covered doc doesn't buy her angle so lifted me off the hydrocortisone. Which left me exhausted and sleeping till 3pm again. Surgeons are curt and dismissive saying I'm fine. Pharmacists are loathe to give me drugs. Yet I plod on and refuse to be pathetic; I accept I may not last forever, but things have sucked for me by varying degrees for 28 years. Im slowly getting better and I hope I do before I die of natural causes....
Your life has meaning, one who doesn't even know you, but if you can write communicate your feelings; while have akasthesia and anhedonia. thyou have a superpower cuz I could not peck at my keyboard when I have those symptoms.
Things will change for us all; I hope for the better. I enjoy my life in spite of myself; sometimes its just from taking drugs. I can't say things will ever be alright for u or myself and since I
cant turn off underline but cheers there are others suffering with quality of life issues, Love from Oregon...
