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Age - Does it really matter?

Hear Me Roar

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 23, 2012
Messages
396
Location
UK
I've searched through the forum and even though there are a few threads which deal with age and relationships, there isn't one which deals with the wide variety of questions and views associated with dating and age.

Before I set a few questions and hear others views, I'd like to tell you a little back story about my relationship and how it has brought me to create this thread.

I'm a 22yr old male, dating a 37 yr old woman. We have been dating for over a year now and we first got together when I was 21 and she was 36. In my eyes I wouldn't call it a cougar-esque scenario. She's a very respectable woman and would no way, in my eyes be classed as a cougar. We both never expected this to happen. I would say I'm very mature for a 22yr old, which helps to make things work. I love her to bits and can really see us having a future together. I think she is the most beautiful thing in the world and stand firm on the fact, I will think so even as she grows old. She often seeks my guidance as I do her and we work well together as a couple. I can honestly say, I've never felt so comfortable and close to someone before. Or felt so in-twined and interlocked with another human. My parents and her parents are happy with our relationship and so are the rest of our family and friends. Though no one has ever directly said anything to us, I do know, not everyone shares the same opinion. Some may think it's sick or wrong.

I guess, I want to know other peoples opinions.

If a man dated a younger woman, he would be glorified, so why not the other way round?
Obviously under the age of 18, there would be concerns, but what age gap do you think is to much?
Do you think a relationship of this kind would work in the long run?
Has anyone else had any similar relationships? Or would like a similar relationship?
What are your overall thoughts and feelings on the subject?

Or do you just have any questions in general. Feel free to ask. :)
 
I honestly dont care about the age like I dated a girl that was 2 1/2 years older than me and were perfectly happy we joked about it and what not but we didn't Care much about age or who was more mature I was happy and so was she and that's what matters. Don't let society think wrong of you ever just like gay couple seriously who cares if your gay as long as your happy with the person no matter age or gender or height
 
I'm not too fussed what society thinks really, as long as she's happy, that's all that matters for me. I guess it's just not everyday you have a 22yr old male dating a 37yr old female, without it not being just about sex. I'm just intrigued to hear others opinions and story's.
 
I don't think there's such a thing as too big an age gap.
If both people are content, let them be.

I don't think any relationship works in the long run. Everything changes, all relationships end whether it's through physical circumstances changing or people changing or people dying.

Look man, I think if you're both happy you shouldn't worry about other peoples issues with it.
The inherent nature of real/true love disregards age and gender entirely imo, it really depends on the nature of the relationship/emotions. If you'r both happy with the way things are, ride it out.
 
I know this sounds weird, but I'm more physically attracted to the older woman(I guess you could call it a fetish, though I don't want to sound pervy, for me it's all a lot more spiritual), then I am of women my own age. Sigourney Weaver ;). Grey hair certainly isn't an issue for me. I can't deny there is a sexual aspect involved, but not really sex; It's strange. We just enjoy being close to each other. I was very rampant in my teens, to the point I became dis-interested in sex, that, an a lot of psychedelic use. When I first met her, she had always said, she wasn't a sexual person. Now we've been together over a year, for her that's changed and for me also. Of course it's not just the sex though, we laugh, we play, act silly with each other, talk for hours and just enjoy each others company. It's all really very surreal. I know as we both grow older, we may have our problems. But I can't see them ever being because of the way she looks. Though it might be because of her bedtimes ;) hehe. She already gets sleepy around the 11 o'clock mark. <3

haha, we already both have naps in the afternoon together sometimes.
 
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I know what your saying man, I guess I will only find out in time. For now, my outlook is very much positive :). Cheers for your knowledge, was good to share.

Peace man
 
I think age gaps are different at different stages in life.

Between kids 15 years is a big age gap. In the in-between years, not so much. But in the later years the gap widens again. I have 2 aunts that married men 15 years older then them and now the wives are 60 and still wanting to do loads and the men are 5 years off 80 and wanting to slow down and getting health problems. I can see discontent and frustration on both sides.
 
I think for me, when i'm 60 and she's 75, if we had been together for over 38 years, I wouldn't care what she looked like or what she wanted to do. For me a relationship is very spiritual, she's not just my partner, she is my best friend. I'd imagine after 38 years I would stand by her no matter what.

I can only really tell you what I feel now, to be true. An I say it with no doubts in mind.
I do know things can change and I am certainly not naive of that fact, It is a situation which is hard to predict.

For now she makes life worth living and as long as that remains, I'l stay with her.
 
If a man dated a younger woman, he would be glorified, so why not the other way round?
Stereotypes. But I have to say, stereotypes have been getting better. I didn't think this was as big of an issue as it was before.

Obviously under the age of 18, there would be concerns, but what age gap do you think is to much?
If the two people are happy, equals in a relationship, and legal, then I think it's fine. If someone is like 80 yrs old and the other is like 20 yrs old, innocent, etc., then the one might have an upperhand based on experience and whatnot. But if they are both mature enough to handle it, then go for it.

Do you think a relationship of this kind would work in the long run?
Your relationship you mean? I don't think that difference is too much.

Has anyone else had any similar relationships? Or would like a similar relationship?
I have not. My first boyfriend was 9 months older than me. My current boyfriend is 8.5 months older than me. LOL. If I met someone that was substantially older (I'm only 21 so I can't go *much* younger now lol) but we clicked, then it would be fine. Age is not a big deal to me anymore.

What are your overall thoughts and feelings on the subject?
If you're both responsible enough then go for it.
 
If a man dated a younger woman, he would be glorified, so why not the other way round?
Stereotypes. But I have to say, stereotypes have been getting better. I didn't think this was as big of an issue as it was before.

I know in large city's and more diverse places, stereotyping isn't really an issue. I live in a rural part of Yorkshire (England), where there is lots of farmers, markets and villages. Many still have very reserved views of someone of an era pre-1990 and they do stereotype. But at the same time, since they are very reserved they accept it to a degree; though don't tend give there personal opinion. So, just being polite I guess, haha:). I just wanted to see what other peoples views on the subject would be. Our friends and family are fine with it and I've never thought it as a big deal. My parents are 10years between each other.
 
i have sexual partners that are 10 years younger, and 10 years older.

i also travel this world without preconceived notions about how i am supposed to engage in sexual relations, and think that putting such ageist labels, or any other heteronormative and monogamy-centered labels, on people's sexualities is barbaric and cruel. thinking that age matters is like thinking that being gay or straight matters. be yourself, and do what you think is right.

judge people by their inner spirit, and their security with themselves and the world around them. appreciate them for their personal world view and the beauty they add to it.
 
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I think long term it's something you should consider. When she's 70 you'll be 55 and believe me it will be the nubile maidens who'll be turning your head not the crinkly at your side.
Your relationship is hot now so enjoy it, but it's not the relationship you need to build a life.
I had a cousin who married a lady 20 yrs older than him. They didn't have kids and so he missed out on that. By the time he was divorced and married a younger lady, the younger lady was also past child bearing. Think about it.
 
Adopting some kid in poverty>Making a new kid
I understand that other people have their selfish reasons for making babies, but what's the say the OP is that selfish?
Also he's already said physical/aesthetics won't be an issue.
 
As long as a relationship is between two happily consenting adults, age doesn't mean shit! I'm attracted to older guys-like ten years or older than me-more often than guys my age.
 
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