she has no idea how she is. she'll never see it. she'll never know how her words come across to people. i just wish she was as nice as she says she is when she tells her side of the story to every fucking body.
i wish she could understand that i dont think the way she does and that that's ok. that if i like our half black president that it's not something to hold against me. i wish i could tell her things about me without her using it as ammo whenever she gets mad at me. i wish she could understand that people make mistakes and they're not directed towards her in anyway. she takes everything personally. as if what i do is a direct attack on her. she actually said she thinks i hate her because i dont pick up my clothes on the bathroom floor. that i do it just to "hurt her". im terribly sorry, i mean no disrespect, it's not because i hate you. and it's not like she approaches the situation with a hurt look on her face, she comes at it with harsh tones and evil glares.
i try so hard to have every where else in the house looking clean so when she gets home so she can relax. even when she comes home for lunch and leaves everything out for me to pick up. i never say a fucking word because it's her house. i cant say shit about her views because it's her house. i cant have a god damn opinion about our government because it's her fucking house!
and as i sit here bitching away, i realize that she is doing me a favor by even letting me live here again. i know im her daughter, but i also know she disagrees with everything i do. i know she dislikes me even the tiniest bit. she loves me i know for sure, but she dislikes me as a person.
im not a fucking clean fanatic. if my daughter wants to play outside with me, the dishes can wait. if i have an idea about something to paint, laundry will still be there an hour from then. i've put all of that aside and tried my damnedest to make her happy. all ive ever wanted was for her to be proud of me. last christmas i got her a snow globe because i overheard her say how she's always loved them. i went to every fucking store i could think of, price was no object, and found one that i thought she would go nuts over. i got special fucking wrapping paper and a neat box to put it in and was so excited because i thought she'd love it and would be happy. when she opened it she immediately started to criticize it, saying the santa clause inside was kinda dumb looking and how the outside bottom looked fake and how she didnt like the colors. but when my sister got her one for mothers day she showed everybody. she kept saying how sweet of a present it was. i tried brushing it off back at christmas. it was just some stupid gift i picked out. but it fucking hurt.
i knew shit between us wouldnt be great and i cant believe im fucking crying over what i already knew. but i cant fucking help it. im being a baby i suppose. everyone has a parent that fucks them up. it's half of what parents do.
i wish she could understand that i dont think the way she does and that that's ok. that if i like our half black president that it's not something to hold against me. i wish i could tell her things about me without her using it as ammo whenever she gets mad at me. i wish she could understand that people make mistakes and they're not directed towards her in anyway. she takes everything personally. as if what i do is a direct attack on her. she actually said she thinks i hate her because i dont pick up my clothes on the bathroom floor. that i do it just to "hurt her". im terribly sorry, i mean no disrespect, it's not because i hate you. and it's not like she approaches the situation with a hurt look on her face, she comes at it with harsh tones and evil glares.
i try so hard to have every where else in the house looking clean so when she gets home so she can relax. even when she comes home for lunch and leaves everything out for me to pick up. i never say a fucking word because it's her house. i cant say shit about her views because it's her house. i cant have a god damn opinion about our government because it's her fucking house!
and as i sit here bitching away, i realize that she is doing me a favor by even letting me live here again. i know im her daughter, but i also know she disagrees with everything i do. i know she dislikes me even the tiniest bit. she loves me i know for sure, but she dislikes me as a person.
im not a fucking clean fanatic. if my daughter wants to play outside with me, the dishes can wait. if i have an idea about something to paint, laundry will still be there an hour from then. i've put all of that aside and tried my damnedest to make her happy. all ive ever wanted was for her to be proud of me. last christmas i got her a snow globe because i overheard her say how she's always loved them. i went to every fucking store i could think of, price was no object, and found one that i thought she would go nuts over. i got special fucking wrapping paper and a neat box to put it in and was so excited because i thought she'd love it and would be happy. when she opened it she immediately started to criticize it, saying the santa clause inside was kinda dumb looking and how the outside bottom looked fake and how she didnt like the colors. but when my sister got her one for mothers day she showed everybody. she kept saying how sweet of a present it was. i tried brushing it off back at christmas. it was just some stupid gift i picked out. but it fucking hurt.
i knew shit between us wouldnt be great and i cant believe im fucking crying over what i already knew. but i cant fucking help it. im being a baby i suppose. everyone has a parent that fucks them up. it's half of what parents do.