Afraid to Face A Full Day of Sobriety, Much Less An Endless Stream of Them.

[Dresden]

Why am I afraid to go a day with being sober--no beer, no tobacco, no weed, no benzedrex, etc.? Is this an irrational fear? Does it get better with time? Why do I need drugs as a crutch to face reality? On a Freudian level, what does my fear of sobriety represent? A inability to start assessing and then hopefully overcoming my problems such as chronic unemployment or social isolation? Help, somebody.

And, I'm not trying to offend anyone's belief system, but I DO NOT want to hear how the miraculous 12 steps can work for me if I would only surrender and go to inconvenient, often cliquish, meetings everyday for an hour or more with no financial reimbursement for my time, much less bus fare.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Why am I afraid to go a day with being sober--no beer, no tobacco, no weed, no benzedrex, etc.? Is this an irrational fear? Does it get better with time? Why do I need drugs as a crutch to face reality? On a Freudian level, what does my fear of sobriety represent? A inability to start assessing and then hopefully overcoming my problems such as chronic unemployment or social isolation? Help, somebody.

And, I'm not trying to offend anyone's belief system, but I DO NOT want to hear how the miraculous 12 steps can work for me if I would only surrender and go to inconvenient, often cliquish, meetings everyday for an hour or more with no financial reimbursement for my time, much less bus fare.

Not everyone uses tobacco and alcohol; perhaps you can give these up first as they kill many more people per year than all other drugs (prescription and recreational) combined.

You can quit these with or without the help of doctors, therapists, and official support networks (NA/AA, etc.) - I don't use these; private support networks (friends/family) work just as well

Stay strong.

 

[cj]

I think the fear of sobriety is one of the reasons I have found it really difficult to quit weed. Its the last drug I use. Stopping it means facing all of my problems head on without the benefit of being able to escape my own mind. Sobriety is almost painful for my mind. It goes along with my self hate. sobriety means I am stuck inside the mind I hate with no help of escape. I think most people will say that is a temporary feeling and that I would adapt to sobriety over time. They are probably right but I think that downplays the real pain that adjusting will entail. I wish I had some good answers for you OP but I think I am stuck with a similar problem.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Sobriety isn't that bad. It's pain and the issues we were covering up by using that will always affect us.

 

[Moreaux]

Once I dealt with the mental health piece that was driving me to use I was able to achieve sobriety. I too tried the 12 step meetings and while I enjoyed being around other addicts who could relate to my issues, I found many 12 steppers to be ridiculously dependent on the meetings (seemed almost like a cult), and very judgemental of people who were not as zealous about the meetings. I tried the meetings off and on for several years and quit going because I thought they were hindering my recovery. I didn't want to be defined by my addiction. My addiction was a bump in the road on my journey through life, it is not my identity and I felt those meetings kept me from moving forward, though I understand they help a lot of people so I am not bashing the meetings, just sharing my personal thoughts on them.

I found early sobriety to be tough...a lot of boredom. I had to reprogram myself. I was so dependent on alcohol and drugs for dopamine release, it took a while (~6 months) to start feeling joy in sober activities, but it did happen. I have more fun when I go out now then when I did when I was using. It helped me to get involved in structured activities that don't focus on drugs and alcohol. This also helped my social anxiety and my social isolation. I go out dancing (ballroom) and play golf. When I do these activities everyone else attending is there for the same reason I am - to either dance or golf so we already have something in common.

As for chronic unemployment - I currently am in that boat. I'm a software developer and can't find anything local. The only thing I can think of to do is to work on getting more certifications. I fear my using damaged my reputation locally, and also prevented me from holding a position for longer than two years so I am hoping that certifications can offset those negatives. With your situation, is there anything you can proactively do to make yourself more appealing to potential employers?

I've found that the aspects of life that were falling apart when I was using started to fall into place when I got sober. Unfortunately, it does take hard work and time, but it does happen.

 

[weekend addiction]

Its what your covering up with the drugs, in my case constant anxiety, depression, and mostly a lot of shame and regret for my past. Its a vicious cycle use drugs, fuck up, use drugs to deal with the fuck up, fuck up again, you get the idea. If I could leave the past in the past then I'd be done with all the shit.

 

[My3sons]

X-benzo: i know what you mean about meetings. There are some people that are so obsessed with NA that its their new addictions They eat, sleep, breath, and poop NA. To me its almost like picking the same scab over and over to watch it bleed. Plus those over the toppers are a turn off. Then you have the people that are there just for the signature. Not too much middle ground here atleast. I also find that when you put a bunch of junkies together it opens more doors and connections. A lot of people are there for the wrong reasons. I also got screwed big time by a person i met in a group that relapsed. They were a good person clean but a pos thief when using. He robbed me and my children! Meanwhile, i gave his homeless on the run ass shelter! Learned my lesson from that one and it really turned me off from NA. Made me feel like those are the type of people I am trying to get away from not invite back into my life. I guess to each their own! I just try to stay busy with work, my kids, and family.

 

[Moreaux]

Its what your covering up with the drugs, in my case constant anxiety, depression, and mostly a lot of shame and regret for my past. Its a vicious cycle use drugs, fuck up, use drugs to deal with the fuck up, fuck up again, you get the idea. If I could leave the past in the past then I'd be done with all the shit.

It is a vicious cycle - one that I am well acquainted with. I have been running from the past for far too long. I'm almost 40 and have very few friends from the past. I found that I fell into the habit of being so insecure because of all of my previous failings that I overcompensated by exaggerating my positive experiences and traits, to the point that I was just about fabricating my existence. Aside from my parents, I completely shut the door on my past, which wasn't helpful either. In order to get healthy, I had to acknowledge all my past successes and failures, as they were (not how I wanted the to be), and accept that my addiction drove me to who I am and where I am today, for better or worse. I get sad when I reflect on how I behaved and treated people, particularly my loved ones. I also get sad when I think about all the opportunities I've wasted. I can't change any of that. The only thing I can do is accept it, and make sure I stay sober so I don't make the same mistakes again. I take a little time everyday to reflect on where I have been and where I want to be, both long term and short term, and develop an action plan to achieve those goals. Though the past makes me sad, I have to say that I am a better person now than I used to be, to both other people and myself. For the first time in life I am finally comfortable in my own skin.

 

[Burnt Offerings]

I personally never plan on stopping smoking weed, so...yeah. That's just never going to happen. Unless one day (for some unforeseen reason) consuming THC becomes something I no longer enjoy.

One good thing about stopping "other things" that I have noticed is that life just becomes soooo much less complicated. Not having to deal with scheduling your time on buying/selling drugs or dealing with the drama & pettiness of the illegal drug world is so refreshing.

That's illegal drugs, though. With legal drugs like booze or weed I imagine it's more difficult to be COMPLETELY sober...which I don't even see as desirable, assuming that you're able to moderate your usage of aforementioned drugs. Most adults living in the modern world consume some kind of drug on a regular or semi-regular basis. It's only a problem if it becomes a PROBLEM, if you know what I mean.