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Advice would be great :(

B

bright_eyes*

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 29, 2011
Messages
61
Location
Orange, California
This guy has been texting me wanting to hang for the last few months, we finally hung out and he took me out to a party. I stayed sober and had a great time we didn't hook up that night.

We have hung out three other time since then, all three times we have stayed in and hooked up and I usually leave after. I mean we still talk during the day, but guys in your honest opinion, is the fact that he just wants to stay in and hook up a bad sign :(

I'm so tired of being used, I don't want a bad boy I want a good buy and I feel like I am just being easy.

But when he asked if he should get a condemn I said no.

Advice please
 
What do you feel? I don't necessarily think it's bad. It's in the new stage of things, and it's OK to have some fun. Does he seem like the relationship type?

If you feel used and you don't feel like this is going where you want it to go, then you are perfectly within your right mind to break it off. It's your life. Your feelings. Your future. You have every right to ask for a caring relationship, and if he can't provide it, well, he can go. The only thing is that you have to act and not allow yourself to get dragged through the mud, if that is how you feel.

The first step could be asking him where he sees the relationship going. You don't have to talk marriage and kids (that is a red flag), but you can just express that you really like him and you'd like to be exclusive with someone and in a relationship. If you scare him away, well, you have your answer.
 
Well, I do really like him, the problem is, I don't know if it is a red flag that he just wants to hang out at one of our houses and the leave right after or soon once we are done hooking up and what not. I mean yes we text throughout the day and he is usually the first to initiate it but I always get super worried because I was in a four year relationship with the msot manipulative person. I am worried he is embarrassed to be seen out with me and that is why we stay in. Am I just being a super crazy overanalytical girl?
 
It's still pretty early, ya know? I wouldn't put too much value in him maybe taking it slow. If this is how it was for months, I'd say differently.

I was in a four year relationship with the msot manipulative person
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Gotta love how people play games with others, huh? Try not to let that person affect you like that. Each relationship is a new person, so it's a new deal. That's not to say you shouldn't be smart and use the experiences you learn in former relationships, but one manipulating douchebag does not mean they all are like that. Think of it this way: he did you a favor, and now you're more adept at seeing the signs.

I am worried he is embarrassed to be seen out with me and that is why we stay in. Am I just being a super crazy overanalytical girl?
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I think at this point, you might be overthinking it a bit. He took you to a party, so he is not embarrassed to be seen with you. What I would do if I were you and worried about this, I'd ask to go do something out...party, club, whatever floats your boat. Even if he says no, it doesn't mean he is taking advantage, but you can try to go out and do more things together, so you don't feel like all you're doing is having sex and he leaves.

Is there a reason you leave? Does he live at his parents? Do you leave or does he ask you to leave?

Just take it slow, but at the end of the day, if you feel used, then you have to do what makes you happy. If all he wants to do is hook up and stay in and that doesn't make you happy, then he's just not right for you. That's ok. It's all a part of the dating game. :)
 
Thank you for the advice, you helped a lot and I really appreciate it :) when things are good I am confident and don't worry, but even when I have the tiniest doubt I literally drive myself crazy even though I know it's not the end of the world. I guess only time will tell and I won't make myself to available and try to still have other things to keep myself busy :)

you are the best!
 
Oh somehow missed the second part...

The first couple times I was at his house, and he wanted to go to bed, totally understandable because he had work and lives with his dad, (his parents are separated). I haven't met his family I met his friends the first time we hung out at a party but have not "been out" with him since.

And last night right before I posted this, my roommate is gone all weekened, he came over we hooked up for most of the movie and he left around 1:30 like 10 or so minutes after hooking up. When originally he wanted to go out and party together...I just got a little worried that he just wanted to stay in and hook up with me and then leave and party once he got the hook up if any of that makes sense.

And after we hook up he is a little mroe quiet...does he just feel awkward?
 
Maybe he's more of a homebody? How old is he? The party scene starts to get old after a while, so it might just be he prefers his alone time with you rather than a crowded place. Since he lives with his dad, then I definitely wouldn't read too much into you leaving after a night of fun. His dad might not like it too much, and he is just afraid to tell you. It's still really early, ya know? I would give it some time, especially if you like him.
 
Why don't you suggest ideas? Why don't you ask him out to a party? Why don't you ask him out for dinner, a movie, etc.?
If you have always seemed content just hanging out and hooking up at home, he thinks that's what you like ... so why mess it up?
 
He may be embarrassed not by you, but by having a girl over and having to introduce her to his dad and shit. It took me a long time to want to introduce a girl to my family, and would generally avoid it unless I am seriously in love. I was always good at meeting a girl's family, but as much as I love my parents I don't like them to be involved with my social life. He may also just not have the money or time to go out. It sounds like he works a lot? Maybe has to work a lot to pay a lot of bills? Have some patience and suggest things that are fun any time and are low cost or free. Maybe see if he can take a long lunch break at work one day and bring him a picnic? Put in the extra effort to do girlfriend things and he will either be happy about it or put the breaks on. Relationships evolve or die. Try to be happy in the moment and not think about everything that could go wrong or has gone wrong in the past.
 
You want a good buy?

:)

Sell your better qualities and then deliver. Don't be a flake.
 
Does he ask you to leave after sex? Or do you just feel like you should go? If you are leaving on your own then fight the urge. Spend the night and cuddle a bit. He probably assumes that you are just a hook up if you don't want to stick around.
 
I do not know the answer to this query, but I would like to say that I really do hope you find someone. Maybe this is him. Your account leaves me with a question. Have you ever just asked him if he just wants a hook up or if he really is into you? I know the answer could be negative, but then you would know. I lived with my dad and I did not enjoy introductions to ladies. He is a very rude, obtuse man and I don't wouldnt want a girl I wanna be with to be exposed to him before I connected with her on a real level. For your sake I hope he really likes you and you can have a relationship. I would love to be able to just relax with a nice woman after a hook up so this guy baffles me. Quiet afterwards..... Discuss it with him.
 
Sounds like common behavior to me. I know I am not a super emotional person and that is something I would do and have done quite a bit. Usually its anxiety with a new relationship, it should disappear. You should ask him why he left, other than the obvious answer that he was tired and wanted to go home or sleep by himself.
 
I think you should spend more time with him not hooking up, get to know him. I was always hella embarrassed to bring anybody back to my house cause my dad is weird and the dishes weren't done and I had cats and dogs, and some people freak out about that. None of that superficial shit matters to me really (to a certain degree) it's really whether or not I can trust somebody, are they taking me out of my comfort zone? are they putting me in bad situations? do they care about me and make sure I'm safe? If they have a really good character, they're really good people who give a shit about other people, then they could live literally in a pig pen and I wouldn't care.

You know what I miss most about my family?(my homies that I used to spend time with every day, not my biological family)? HUGS and "I Love You"s. hugs that meant something deep. the kind of hugs that said "I will kill and eat anybody that does you harm"

Go tell that guy how you feel. Be straight up with him, be honest, and ask him to be honest with you. get this figured out, and I wish you the best
 
Sounds like you should say you wanna slow things down bit - make him see you're not just up for a fuck...or are you?? Be direct...but make sure you make it clear if you're talkin about your feelings you also tell him you're not dissing him or anything.
 
We have not had sex, almost everything but, I would like to be more than just some fuck buddy, and actually since I first posted this question he invited me to a party he was at and all his friends were flirting with me, I am not trying to sound conceited I swear, and I could tell he was watching the entire thing and I also think guys like it when you aren't super clingy and can be comfortable in an unfamiliar setting without standing at their feet like a puppy haha. I think I am just super paranoid and overanalytical when it comes to boys and I put it into my head that they have this giant, devious plan and I am just a pawn in their game. Terrible I know...it's what a fucked up relationship will do to ya :/
 
@BrightEyes, just from the brief information you posted, I think it is fair to say that if a guy comes over to your house and then leaves after you have "hooked up," you are being used. If he can just come over and get it, why would he take you out and get to enjoy the pleasure of your company? To listen to you and want to know about you as a woman and a human being? Some guys just have a tendency to use woman. YOU ARE WORTH THE TIME IT WOULD TAKE A MAN TO GET TO KNOW YOU!!! You will get a good man, it just takes some time. Do not act "easy" and you will not BE "easy."

To my way of thinking, a man should be held to the same standard as a woman. I do not think much of a man that seizes every possible opportunity to stick it in any available woman. For those of you that say that men can't help it I say speak for yourself. There are good man out there. They are worth finding.
 
bright_eyes* said:
This guy has been texting me wanting to hang for the last few months, we finally hung out and he took me out to a party. I stayed sober and had a great time we didn't hook up that night.

We have hung out three other time since then, all three times we have stayed in and hooked up and I usually leave after. I mean we still talk during the day, but guys in your honest opinion, is the fact that he just wants to stay in and hook up a bad sign :(

I'm so tired of being used, I don't want a bad boy I want a good buy and I feel like I am just being easy.

But when he asked if he should get a condemn I said no.

Advice please
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Have you suggested going out again?
 
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