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Advice Please

K

kaylee.wise

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 1, 2012
Messages
38
So my mom is on drugs and i can tell im losing her because shes not the same person anymore, and she has different personalites,and i feel like shes losing it. :( So a couple days ago i asked my mom a question and she blew up on me saying that she, doesnt want me with her, im ruining her life, and i need to leave. That really broke my heart and i love my mom to death. But she said those hurtful things to me because she havent gotten high yet and she was getting ancy. So that same day i left the house hurt, my friend came and picked me up and said i can stay with her. My mom texted me and said she wanted me back at home with her. But all we do is fight now and it hurts me here because i see her on drugs all the time. I got a ride to come back home to stay with her and i didnt let my friend know i was leaving, and now im back at home with her. Should i stay with my mom even tho i hurt and be sick here? Or do i go back and stay with my friend in La so i wont have to be around that and see that? I need some advice before its too late and i dont want my friend to not take me back in if im gone too long. I also dont wanna lose my friend because she is the only person i have other then my mom so i need her in the future. So what should i do? What should i tell my friend? Please help i have so many problems i need to get some out of thee way.
 
Spend as much time with your mother as you can; it sounds as though she needs you, and perhaps your relationship is one of a disapproving mother who'll always insult you then turn around and beg for your help opening a jar she's too frail to handle, or something along those lines: please understand that I'm using metaphors here and, well, parents don't always make the best friends for us, their offspring...

Consider moving in with someone closer to her, so that you can see her and help her out but refuse to help her get high, stoned, squashed or set completely sideways: it's not right for you to (oh no, I'm going to borrow an AA term here) enable her usage by helping her out. Hell, maybe you don't help her, but she's rude to you and if she's a grown adult, which are usually units fully capable of taking care of themselves due to decades of prior learning and conditioning, she'll be fine and you can use some time to yourself. I sense that the issue is more complex, but I'm incredibly busy right now - don't take that as an insult because I did not mean it as such; 'tis the truth, m'lady - and so I'll come back to this when I can and shall attempt to shed light upon your situation with love and roses and a fountain of wisdom garnered from years of seeing abuse happen to people close to me as they do more to encourage it than to stop it...

I don't want you to wake up one day, snap, then cave in her head with a cast-iron skillet. These things happen and everyone has their breaking point. Good luck and may whatever faith you have bring you comfort in such troubled times. In the meantime, I certainly suggest a temporary break from your mother. You can likely stop a great deal of the negative stuff, but not all of it because people don't change so easily. Especially parents who typically always know that they know more than you do about, well, everything. :(

Love and peace. <3
 
I think that you should go stay with your friend. I understand that it is heartbreaking for you to leave your mom right now but maybe this is actually what she needs to motivate her to do something about her problems. You cannot save your mom, not by making her happy or by anything else that you do. Only your mom can save herself. Accepting this does not mean that you don't care--it means the opposite! If you take care of yourself, which I really hope that you will do, you will be positively affecting change for everyone around you. If you stay in a relationship that is unhealthy for you, you will only be hurting yourself and enabling your mom. As hard as it is to leave her right now, I think that it is best for everyone. Have you told your mom how her drug use affects you?

I hope that you are getting some kind of support for all you must be going through. Are you in school? I don't know how old you are but you sound young---do you have a school counselor that you could confide in? Maybe your friend could help set up something for you when you are living with her. There are so many services available in LA through the county mental health department. It would be wonderful for you to have a place to sort some of this out with a therapist. I wish you the best of luck. You are carrying far too heavy a load for a young person. Again, remember, you are not being selfish in any way by trying to take care of yourself--it will actually help your mom in the long run, and you deserve it.<3<3<3
 
Ahww thankyouu both of you. Im 19 years old and yeah im in school over with my mom but not in La i was about to get a job in La until she told me to come back. I do think bieng away from her is good so she can think but shes not cause my dad forces them on her and shes helpless. I tried everything to stop it and all its doing is getting worse. But then i want to be there for my mom because she is my everything and if i lose her idk what will happen to me. But thankyouu for the advice i appreciate it.
 
kaylee this is really heartbreaking to hear hun, I'm sorry you're in this awful situation. I agree with herbavore and Kerrigan, it sounds like you need a bit of break from you mum, as difficult as that will be for both of you. If I were you, I'd stay with my friend in La for maybe a couple of weeks, maybe longer, and see how your mum is doing after that. While you're away at your friend's place, is there a friend or neighbour who lives near your mum, who can go and check on her every couple of days?

Much love and strength to you hun, let us know how you're doing okay? <3
 
Wait.
You're the poster who wanted to lose weight with a healthy diet of meth for breakfast, lunch and dinner, aren't you?
Gosh, you're having a lot of problems.
herbavore may be right with regards to your age: it can't be easy.
Good luck.
 
Im 19 years old and yeah Kerrigan im having lots of problems and just bieng here is only making them worse but i want to spend all the time i can with my mom before shes gone. But im thinking about leaving also like your guys advice, im just soo confused! And yes there is a nieghbour that stays by her that can let me know. I dont have a school counsler and its hard for me to open up to people because it just hurts me more because i have so many problems. Thats why i like this cite because i can express how i feel and open up way easier because its anonymous.
 
kaylee, I am glad that you feel able to open up here because it is anonymous (I get that because it is true for me, too), but it is equally if not more important to find support in real life.I found this link when I looked up low cost counseling in the LA area:http://www.examiner.com/mental-health-in-los-angeles/california-family-counseling-center-offers-low-cost-mental-health-counseling

One of the hardest things to learn in life is how to be proactive about asking for help when we need it. Our world pressures everyone to hide and try to deal with things in isolation. Isolation is a problem in and of itself. You deserve help. Keep coming here for sure; but try to get support in your daily real life, too, okay? Much love.<3
 
Ahwww thank you herbavore :) Yes i see your point and i do need to find help outside this site so i can get help accomplished. I will definetly check that out, thankyou for posting it. :) I will keep posting because i love how everyone is there for you and try to help you in a nice way and people on here do not judge you but look out for you, i really do like that and everyone on here is so kind and sweet theyre advice means alot to me. I will get more support out in my daily life. Much Love to you too and take care ♥
 
Gee kaylee.wise...I cant add anything else to the great advice you already have been given here, Just know that your not alone chickadee..Its very very important to seek help with real people too, outside BL....Stick around and you will get all the cyber support to need mate, but make sure youve got real-life support too...

To watch your mum do this must be horrible...Did you ever do meth together?..Is it mummy who introduced you to drugs too?..Please, you dont need to answer me if you dont want...You must love your mum alot not to just walk out...Dont let anyone guide you up the wrong path...You seem too smart for that...

Good luck, and if you ever need anything, you cld PM me kaylee.wise....<3

Also, i just remembered..Yesterday i was reading up about weight gain, and stress definately adds to it!..Stress releases a hormone and this hormone causes us to get fat fast!!!..And only around the gut area!!!.Id love to have no stress!!! That was in relation to you previous post kaylee.wise...about meth for breaky,lunch and dinner...try and get rid of your stress instead!
 
Ahww okay thankyou Miss Kirsty i know i do have alot of problems that i have to deal with. But im praying that i will get through it. And that is a good fact to know, i didnt know that and im happy you told me about it. Im going to try to not stress over too many things right now and try to not let it affect me.
 
I don't know if this will help or not as the situations are much different, but there is one commonality, Mom. I am 37 yo, a recovering alcoholic who came to live with my mother after a number of things including my alcohol use almost killed me and destroyed my life. My mother asked me to come live with her as I could not live on my own anymore, however, the longer I have been here, this place has become a very toxic environment for me as I am watching my mother fall into the grips of alcohol herself and after having it nearly kill me and everything I lost, I am not watching her do the same things to herself. We need a break from each other, for my own personal sanity, but I have no where to go, and no money to get there so I am kind of stuck. My mother had put me in some tough spots since I have been here turning down right evil when she drinks. The think that I learned to do, and it's easier for me now as I am almost 40 so I have gained the age to my advantage (plus life experiences, marriage, divorce, house ownership, 100k $$ job lost to alcohol) she can no longer throw at me that I have no life experiences and she knows better. But what you may want to try is catching your mom at a time when she is sober and sane, and just talk to her, heart to heart. Tell her whats on your mind. While she might not take well to it right away, sometimes the honesty of your feelings can actually work wonders and she may just start to see how her actions are effecting you, and a mother never wants to lose their child no matter what the cause, and is she can see that she is driving such a wedge between you guys, maybe she will start to take inventory of her self and you may see some changes. Don't expect this to be an over night change, Like I said I am 40 and it's taken me almost 3 years to get my mom to realize that her actions are killing her family life and she gets mad as hell at me when I bring it up to her, but in the end I always here, "you know your right" and that when I know it's chipping away and I am gaining ground. So while I agree with the others, it's probably good for both of you to take a break from one another, just don't drive the edge to the the point that the tree is felled, and the relationship is lost. Always remember, you only have one mom, and deep down, she knows what she needs to do, I think right now she is just in an inner termoil with herself and that is causing alot of the tensions with you two. I may be completely off here, I dunno, I just hoped that I could put a different outlook in there that you may not of thought about. Best of luck to you and I certainly hope all works out for the best in the end! We are always here if you need some added support or if you want to run something by us before you say it to your mom. Remember most of us have been there in some shape or form. <3 All the best!!

-Pain
 
If it was me in your situation then I think that I would move out of your mums house and go and stay with your friend.
At least this way you won't be exposed to your mums mood changes and drug use each day.
Its important that you have a chance to do what other 19 year olds are doing and enjoying yourself with your friends.
Obviously you can still be there for your mum but you still need to live your own life also.
I hope things work out for you.
 
Pain, that was really well said, that even brought a little tears to my eyes. Yes your situation is very related to mine, yes my mom is in denial and we fight when i bring up the problems i have with her. Its just too much and it seems like its just getting worse, expecially cause my dad that i hate very much keeps getting her high on them and forcing them on her :( Thankyou for sharing your story with me, i can relate to it very much and im trying to do my best to solve it so it all works out in the end.

Maxalife, yes that is what im thinking im going to do is move out and start doing me, i want to get me a job and go to school for culinary arts so i can be a chef one day. I will still be there for my mom no matter what tho, i will always be there for her i need to get my life together so when she falls i will be able to be there to support her.

Miss Kirsty, Hey how have you been? I been okay, just trying to make it through my days happy and less stressful. I've been trying to keep peace with my mom and try and talk to her but she always seems to pick or start a fight with me when i try and talk about positive things with her, also my dad keeps making her angry with me because my dad doesnt want me here because im trying to stop my mom doing drugs and thats ruining his plans. Its all bad as you know but im making it throught it, I hope your doing all well.

And take care everyone.
 
Hey kaylee.wise....SHit man, i really think you need to get out hun...Being a chef sounds wonderful...My sister is one in Hobart Tasmania..It took her 16 years to do a four year apprenticeship!!...But she can get a job "ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD!!"
Sounds romantic to me...Cooking delicious meals on boats and things...travelling the world.....
go you good thing...I know you can...But you need to look after you hun...Dont seem like anyone else is...Take life in your own hands and go do whatever you need to to get ahead...Help your mum when you can but look after yourself...YOU ARE NO 1
 
Ahwww thats really nice and sweet of you (: that just gave me more courage to go do my own things. Thats awesome about your sister hopefully one day i will be like her, thats my dream. Thank you for having faith in me thats really nice. I hope your doing well and take care.
 
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