Here are my withdrawal experiences in chronological order: (not including the 2-3 days involuntary withdrawals due to unfavorable circumstances)
-Tramadol 300mg/day for 4 months
Arguably my worst withdrawal, as I had never experienced such a phenomenon. The terror came from the new concept that I needed a pill to avoid a dark world of pain and depression. No real acute withdrawal (compared to the big boys) but that unrelenting discomfort, fear, and anxiety were terrible in my naivete. I am sure the SSRI effects of Tramadol played a role as well. The worst part was knowing that a tiny little pill would end this nightmare, yet was out of reach. Had I felt the withdrawal symptoms in isolation, while still being uncomfortable, could be dismissed as being "very sick" and "depressed." It was the knowledge of what it was and how it could not only end, but completely reverse into euphoria that made it hard.
-Oxycontin 240mg/day for 3 months (snorted then plugged)
Waited 48 hours before given a daily dose of subtext for 3 days. Do not recall the dose. Felt OK physically. Mentally I was anxiously bored. Time went slow, nothing was appealing. A day after my last subutex dose, I experienced HORRIBLE restlessness/leg kicks. Sitting still was painfully restless. Walking around was painfully fatiguing. Depression I had to fight constantly to tell myself things are OK. The whole month was very dark. Almost as if a grey camera filter was used over all my perceptions. For 3 days after the subutex was withdrawn (ha ha), I experienced constant nausea and occasional chain vomiting. After one month, the ominous tones that wrapped the world subsided. Mostly boredom after that.
-Kratom 10-20gram a day for 5 months
Nasty withdrawal. Very unexpected as well. Overall, the withdrawal felt most like Tramadol withdrawal. Dark, restless, constant state of panic. More like a very drawn out and mild suboxone kick, but a fair bit more depressing. Extremely restless.
-Oxycontin 240mg/day for 2 months following immediately by 1-4 gram/day IV heroin for one year: (1 gram when money was tight, 4 to stay high)
after 3 days attempted cold turkey withdrawal took on a new meaning. No longer was it something to prepare for psychologically. The initial darkness and depression were very soon overshadowed by extreme physical discomfort. I spent 24 hours lying under my toilet. Too weak to stand, too restless to sit, plus I got tired of having vomit all over my bed. Once the craps and cramps came, this location also offered a tactical advantage. I am after sure it was worse psychologically, but I honestly do not remember due to the physical nature and discomfort. I even tried injecting diphenhydramine in order to knock myself out. Only made it worse and I am sure was not very safe. (IT WASN'T). After three days I finally got some methadone from my heroin dealer (lol) which instantly fixed my problem.....until I ran out a week later. At this point, I gave up and went on suboxone maintenance. (24mg/day for 1 year)
I got bored after 6 months, and began shooting heroin on top of it. (after 24/off, I would inject 2 grams in one syringe and get a tiny little tickle of warmth. Basically a $160 30mg codeine.)
Then I moved to Florida to "get clean" and stopped taking my sub altogether. Since heroin was hard to find and I had a regular Roxi hook, my wallet was truly upset as I needed 600mg in one 3CC 23.5gauge needle sprinkled with a little cocaine (or crack + vinegar) to get a buzz. After developing endocarditis from using a rig I had dropped in a bush (Walgreens .5 miles away, silly addict) I had a pick line installed into my right heart valve that came out my right upper arm so that I could do my 2 month Vancomycine (got the MRSA variety) regime outpatient. Now I had a screw-able tube inserted directly into my heart. I was provided with screw-able 10CC saline flush syringes by the bulk.... Silly "flushes." What it really was was something I could load 4 grams of oxycodone and 2 grams of cocaine and attach to my arm with a rubber band. Speedballs on demand! I will say that after experiencing a direct heart injection (bypassing the lung rotation, something even a neck shot wont give you) made regular IVs more comparable to snorting, relatively speaking. Somehow, people caught on to my little scheme and I went to rehab, this time weaning down from my reestablished 24mg/day suboxone to 8mg over a month, and 8mg to zero over another. If I were to take the effects, and average them based on length, this withdrawal was the worst. Never got to that "day 3" insanity, but it was day 4.5 (on the H scale) for 3 unrelenting months. (I can't even imagine methadone). The kicks were the worst. So hard to sleep. Depression was second. I forgot what a psychological withdrawal was like and almost wished for the intense heroin withdrawal. It is so intense that I become lost in it and somewhat zone out. With suboxone, It was as if that girl from "The Ring" climbed out of the TV, stopped 4 inches from your face, didn't kill you, and then just kinda stood over you for 3 months. JUST KILL ME ALREADY!!!!! I KNOW YOUR THERE AND YOUR SO HORRIBLE!
My last detox was 100% cold turkey from an 8 month heroin stint. (This was with Tar, so dosages were hard to compare, but about the same money wise as with the Philly powder). <-- that addendum has some philosophical significance....my dose and tolerance seems to be linked exclusively to my available funds more than any other factor.
I would not have chosen to kick all naturale, but the Los Angeles Sheriff Department maintains a stick "no coming and going" policy in their jails. I was not in long enough to get anything too.
This kick was my best, and my easiest. Part of this is experience, part of it was my STRONG desire to stay sober (been sober 3 years now), but I think a major part was my limited options. Rather than fighting withdrawal AND the knowledge that I can end it at any time simply my acquiring more dope (even if hopelessly impossible) I was able to accept it as a fact. I cannot explain it, but this acceptance not only made it easier, but I swear the symptoms were not as bad (they still sucked).
My advice to you would be to use the absolute minimum. In my case, this was very difficult, and I payed for it when I ran out/increased my addiction. Call me silly but I think your attitude is the most important aspect. It does suck, but it does end. Remember this. DO not forget it! As easy as it is. And remember that unless you have the knowledge and willpower to perfectly titrate your dose, it can hurt in the long run. By all means use what you got! Just remember that it will end, and be real when you ask yourself if you need more, or if you want more. It's very easy to imagine symptoms that support the decision to use more. Sort of like how the mild 6-8hour dope sickness suddenly disappears when your caller ID says Neighborhood Dope Man. The reason I went into some length is to also show how everything is relative. My first withdrawal was the hardest, despite being the easiest at the same time. The distinction between "mild" and "severe" is one I'd rather be ignorant too. But at the same time, the knowledge that it could be worse is of some consolation to some.
Most importantly, you are not alone! Remember all the users here who have shared this rare experience when things get bad. It can feel like the loneliest thing in the world, especially when you see people doing crazy things like "walking their dog" when your waiting on the corner.
If your interested in possibly stopping all together, I can tell you that I laughed (while crying inside) at all those crazy hippies who said things return to normal. In fact "This too shall pass" was my first resentment in my fourth step. (don't do AA anymore). I can tell you however that I feel normal. Took about 18 months.....but I actually feel Ok without opiates. I thought I was "broken" and needed them to feel normal....
If you want to keep using then by all means do! I did lol. I hope this doesn't come across as "preachy." I believe everyone has to follow their own path so to speak. I don't think I could be happy without my experiences because it taught me that pleasure and euphoria is not happiness. If a speedball injected into my heart wasn't enough, I realized I was defining happiness wrong. Call me lame but I prefer to be content these days....
But man I feel for you!! And I wish you luck homie. Hang in there. Come to these forums when things get tough, it helped me a lot.
Oh and I will say to be careful with suboxone or subutex and other opiates/opiods. You do not want to experience precipitated withdrawal ever (the name doesn't do it justice, Hell incarnate is more fitting I think). I timed a dose wrong with Oxy and that was something to remember. I was so cold (Summer in Florida) that I scalded myself in the bathtub, in my futile attempts to be warm. Then I ran to my room kicking the wall and yelling, and wrapped myself in my covers and actually started crying while thrashing the bed. I don't cry often. I forgot the rules, but make sure you are aware of the timing with suboxone so that you do not trigger this. I am probably wrong, but I think the the basic rule is wait until you feel sick before you take suboxone. (Its the buropronirphine, not the naltrexone that displaces the the receptors, as the bupes binding affinity is higher, so this can happen when taken normally). And with methadone, you may need to wait longer as the actual drug stays in your brain far longer than you feel the effects. Some other users will have far better info in this regard.
Good luck man.
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And in response to the size of habit, any habit could justify needing detox meds. It all depends on the individuals experience. To someone who pops 10mg of hydrocodone a day, heroin withdrawal is unknown, so that 10mg habit can be subjectively severe. Plus, a lot of the benefit of using detox meds is to kill the urge for just one more. So if this is accomplished with a detox, its viable IMHO
Edit: In the interest of harm reduction, I would strongly advise against everything in the above. Except for possibly getting clean. Sometimes that can help.
I will ESPECIALLY advise against using a direct heart pick line for recreational purposes. As you will avoid the natural filtration offered by the capillaries in the lungs and tongue during the first pass prior to the brain, one is at serious risk of stroke, aneurism, and other things more properly warned of by a licensed neurologist.
