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TDS Adios Bluelight ! Harm Reduction worked, but I can't hang out.

Cohesion

Cohesion

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 21, 2010
Messages
1,069
Location
Portland, OR
Spring cleaning.

Soon, I'm burning 20 years of my curative writing. Also in flames will go all the drug art, illegible writings, DCFS paperwork. I plan to delete my profile here very soon. This forum is so valuable and has been a lifeline at times. But at this point in my life it is like a trail of bread to a place I'm not returning. Harm reduction WORKED. for me. It is a compassionate, so humane, thorough process of coming out of that antiquated identity. I peeled off every layer so gently that now I stand shiny in abstinence and all those coveted chemical reactions? They are happening anyway. %)

Since I saw the word "alprazolam" in the SLR social thread the other day I am starting to ruminate about drug use. I was fine before seeing this word. It happens to me all the time on here. I would give more examples, the countless times I have been triggered on this site, but I WON'T. I'm being gentle with myself and protecting my senses, my mind, from seeing the names of drugs formed, indicating each of the lovers I can no longer sub to. If I speak woefully, if I remain in the "mourning" phase of the loss of my (drug) love relationship, then I am not over it.

It's not a big deal, I'm just taking off! I refuse to "hang out" here as the obvious result is that I'll tick off months' worth of cravings for a life that isn't mine anymore.

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So many thanks and genuine good vibes to all who have reached out and connected with me in this forum. It has meant so much to both of us.

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art credit to Dallas Clayton (@herby check him out! Fun children's author/poet/illustrator.)

<3

<3
 
PM me if you want to keep in contact outside of BL. I'm still clean and plan to be that way and Am always here to help and listen. I got a lot of love and respect for you and your decision. Stay strong, keep your head up, and keep pushing on. You've overcome a lot of adversity, you can do this.
 
I'm glad you are moving on although your presence will be missed. I think that a lot of people will eventually stop of greatly reduce their drug intake on their own once they are ready, which is why HR is so important while they are still using.
 
You're gonna be missed Cohesion, but I know you're making the right decision for you. I'm so glad that you're sober now and to see you doing so well. I have a boatload of respect for you and that won't change. I hope the world (and you) treat you well, you deserve it. :)

Take care, hun. <3 <3 <3
 
so youre never going to hear about drugs for the rest of your life right?

just saying, of all reasons to decide to leave...
 
shimazu said:
so youre never going to hear about drugs for the rest of your life right?

just saying, of all reasons to decide to leave...
Click to expand...

It's one thing to overhear something about drugs. It's another thing to hang around a site dedicated to the discussion of drugs.


Best of luck, Cohesion. Although I never knew you, I like where your head is at!
 
Cohesion <3 this is such a happy post. I will be so sad to see you go but the message of hope and happiness in your posts is so lovely. I wish you ALL the best love in everything that you do and encounter! <3
 
Awwww <3 <3 Thanks everyone you are so sweet.

I'm glad my message came like in a positive light. It looks like I dropped a hint of Fight because the moment I see myself even considering drug use, I'm eliminating the trigger. It's so bittersweet, you know? I have been struggling for a long time about the ups/downs, trigger/help I get from BL. Today the scales are tipped clearly in one direction and I know what I have to do.

It's been real.
 
Dang you are ADORABLE Cohesion. I totally respect and understand why leaving BL needs to happen so that you can move forward with life. Keep trying new things and always have goals that your working to achieve. Don't be surprised if you find drugs re-entering your life, at some point it happens to all recovering people and thats usually when most people relapse. They start justifying it saying, "oh, just for today, ive earned it." And then 1 day turns into 1 year.

Beware of success, money, and love/relationships. Those 3 things are wonderful but if your anything like me, if I find a good enough reason to drink/use, I probley will. Don't plan out your entire life, for example: saying that you will moderate or be 100% sober the rest of your life. Thats just not a good way to approach healthy living. The best you can do is find total abstinence through AA, religion, family, whatever. But you will need support and be sure and take it easy on yourself and reward yourself for living right! Go get a manicure, massage, facial.

Exercise, eat healthy (lots of fresh veggies/fruit, avoid microwave dinners and processed stuff). Find some form of exercise and get into it. I know for me when I was sober running became like my new drug, and the runners high is just absolutely terrific! I loved seeing how I was able to progress over the course of 3 months. At first even the thought of 1 mile scared me. Now (ive only done this once) I can run 8 miles in the heat of the day with my shirt off for an hour and a half. And the feeling I get after an accomplishment like that is better than xanax, alcohol, or even heroin IMO. You feel so alive, optimistic, and powerful.

For such a lovely lady such as yourself I don't know anything about your obvsiously but if your single try and stay that way. Why you ask? Because learning how to be responsible, independent, reliable, loving, achieving, member of your community takes time and really in my experience, when I was alone and didn't have the option of co-dependency. Anyways, I bid you a pleasant farewell. And regret not spending more time in the Sex, love, and relationships board. I would have really enjoyed the pleasure of getting to know who you really are, and how you think about love/relationships.
 
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Congrats! I also am finding the sober life to be very satisfying. Good luck with everything and I hope you as well as I am able to move on from alcohol and drugs. I enjoyed being a moderator of bluelight's SLR forum with you. :) <3
 
Sad to see you go, but happy for you :)

You could always swing by the new Sober Living subforum if you think that wouldn't be too triggering for you. I know for me it really helps me to be able to talk to others who get what I am going through and to help others.
 
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