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adhd and the asylum

Jabberwocky

Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
Joined
Nov 3, 1999
Messages
1,256
Location
Looking-Glass Land
walking
i walk at night when Christians are in bed, because I feel unholy unwanted,tainted,
walking for hours in the dark poorly lit back streets...trying to find something I guess...maybe myself, maybe a memory...
Voices, there are always voices, they never stop, never let me sleep, never let me stop walking. Telling me I’m worthless, stupid, lazy.
If I walk, I tell myself, they will go away they have to...
I’m tired have been for days. Tired of living tired of thinking, tired of walking. My self-deprecation does not allow for any leeway. If I stop I will go crazy, stay crazy...
I dream sometimes when I walk, dream of better places, golden fields and
smiles for days, the kiss from a girl long since forgotten, a childhood lived in a flash down by the creek. Did I ever know happiness like this?
I awaken still plagued by the emptiness but now there is more, I’m somewhere new...
White walls flood over my senses like fingernails on a chalkboard. How many
days had I been here?
I try to move but cant, I’m restrained, trapped in my own thoughts. I know violence and struggle will not release me from my
shackles. I’ve been here to many times...I know the rules.
Looking around I see the familiar faces, haunted, fading signs of humanity in their eyes. They will always be here, they are me.
Next comes sleep, the death of the normal world....
A warmth smooths away the tears from my cheek. An image of a smile, the sound
of laughter and a sense of hunger for life washes over me.I’m disoriented I’m living two second away from reality, away from lunacy.
i smile contently because here is the only place i can be everything and anything.
The only place i want to be
[This message has been edited by liquidphil1 (edited 06 September 2001).]
 
Phil just thinking about you brings a smile to my face. There have been few people in my life that I consider great friends and you are definately one of those people. I think about you all the time and remember the countless days we sat around my house and accomplished absolutly nothing. Those days are some of my fondest memories. Some day I hope that when you are down and nothing can make you happy you can think of the fun times we have had just being ourselves and having fun and that you will remember that I am always there for you unconditionally, that is what good friends are for.
 
Can't wait to hang with you again crackhead. Just make sure you are already on lots of drugs, so i can provide that little extra bit that finally gets you fucked up
smile.gif

-Spencer
 
wow i must rate hihg two moderators respond to my post within an hour fo me psoting it hell yeah! i miss you all as well adn dont worry spencer im always on drugs
smile.gif

-phil-
 
/me gives phil a big ol' hug!
Phil,
It's coming up on three weeks since I first met you... since I first knew there was even a liquidphil on BlueLight (sorry, I was outta the loop
smile.gif
). It has been three weeks full of emotions both good and bad. A lot has happened in that time, and it almost seems like a year's worth of events. It blows my mind - everything that has happened. You and I have done a lot of talking and I have had the pleasure of hanging out with you without a ton of other people around. My conclusion: You are a good man! Minus the obvious, you and I are a lot alike in many ways. You have stuck by me, through all of my paranoia, bitching and moaning, and mindless babble and talked me through some difficult times while [3 others] have just dismissed me as a freak and won't talk to me. I don't know... maybe I AM a freak! Anyway, I am truly glad that I have met you, and can only hope to one day be amungst the ranks of your best friends. I know it's rough sometimes, but with eachothers support and the support of family and friends, we will all pull through and see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's a long hard journey, but we all have to hang onto that one small hope that it will all be worth it in the end! I hope you KNOW that if there is anything you need, it's only a phone call, e-mail, or IM away! I don't know what's going on with me.. it's still up in the air.. even more so seeing I don't feel welcome in certain so-cal areas, but hopefully we will end up close enough (location wise) that we will be able to hang out fairly often and chill! It's something that I am looking forward to, actually! Remember dude, myself and each and every one of your friends are only a phone call, e-mail, or IM away.... we're all here for you! I wish you the best!!
Lots of love (in a manly friendship way of course. hehe)
-Steve
 
I love waiting till most of the BL world is asleep and then reading the board, lets me bump all phil's posts to the top... I call for phil day!!
wink.gif

Did I mention that you have one of the greatest smiles ever? Talk to you soon I hope... are you still singing that song?
/me hums a few lines of "Walkin on Sunshine"
smile.gif

------------------
The space between the tears we cry, is the laughter that keeps us coming back for more.
 
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