• Welcome Guest

    Forum Guidelines Bluelight Rules
    Fun 💃 Threads Overdosed? Click
    D R U G   C U L T U R E

ADDICTS: Are you livin a secret double life? Secret addiction? Post here

Immunity said:
It's not really the lying part that bugs me, as honestly I don't have to do much of it. What's most difficult for me is consequently being distant and secretive towards my family about my drug use, it's just not something they would understand, you know?
Click to expand...

ThIs fits a good bit of my addiction awful feelings about it to this day. Still working to build back those relations I got caught up with my pants down lol
 
Im starting to have to lie to my friend about my use now. Its new, and weird. I mean my one true friend.

Btw, good to hear from ya pill to chill. At least im not smoking stims like a mad man anymore, heh. My loperamide superslow taper is gettin down, but now replaced by etizolam. And does that make sense when i blow my tramadol rx in a few days every month? And steal 20 or so methadone pills from my dad sometimes? Huh. If anything Im lowering tolerance for that time of the month when we both get our refills.

At least this etiz knocks out my muscle pain and helps me be functional.
 
Last edited:
I've got a friend that moved back always been the best homie but if he knew I was attending the clinic I'm sure he wouldn't kick it. Down for all the other shit tho is stupid.

Or if he knew I Ived
 
[/QUOTE]

Or if he knew I Ived[/QUOTE]

If ANYONE knew I IV'd I would be disowned. Hubby (we are currently split up and have been for 2yrs but still live together and have been working on things) nearly lost it when he found out I was snorting oxyies (old school ones almost 5yrs ago) he has never even took a drag off a cigarette much less done a drug. My BIL offered him $1000 cash just to take 1 hit off a blunt and he refused. My BIL and I have an awesome relationship tho, he is who I get most of my drugs from. He is unfortunately dying at the age of 35. He is in his second round of kidney failure. His kidneys failed and in 2000 my MIL gave him one of hers and a couple years later that one also failed. He is now on dialysis 3 days a week and isnt a candidate for another transplant. He is the only one that knows the extent of my issue. 98% of everyone else thinks I've been clean, only taking my subs for the last 4.5 yrs. And for 4yrs I did only take them.
 
I feel awkward has fuck because this huge fucking heroin dealer comes to my job to shop a lot. He is the one who distributes the dope to his dealers.... big fucking dealer. Anyways, he knows who I am because I've even been in his car a few times, but when we see each other at my job we act like we don't know each other. He comes in with his wife and it's weird. He always looks at me and does a smile... and I am like uh, shit. Let's not even get into that here. Nobody has a fucking clue.. well besides my mom and she wants to choke him, but has to totally act like she doesn't know who he is. In her eyes he is just another dirtbag who contributed in ruining my life. Ahhhhhhh
 
I absolutely live a double life. you dont just go "hang out" where I get dope at. you go there to get drugs. I cant just tell people "yeah so I was chilling in North Philly yesterday" like nah, you dont KNOW what I do in my spare time

as far as you know, I dont even HAVE spare time.

but only because im actually just working to get drugs the whole time

and you cant tell people that because they never look at you the same again

so its easier in a roundabout way to just say nothing
 
Agreed
I go about my drug use mainly alone
Beside rollin and trippin.
Tho I'd almost eat a litter of puppies to shoot coke dope and speedbaaallllls with my nikka ykm444444422000000!!
Real talk
 
I'm__Broken__ said:
I can definately identify with this, my pupils and jaw and demeanor tell all after my dalliances with meth..and back when i first started using, and was living with my parents, they were onto me...but again, knew that being a stupid 18 year old back then the more they hassled me the more defiant i'd be. (What a prick...)
Then they found my syringes, which they couldn't ignore...
However, I then had to lead the secret double life of someone who says they are a "former user" but are still using.

Hid it (successfully) so many times at work, in a pub, going in and barely functioning after being on it for 2 days..sneak off to the coolroom between customers and have a booster shot, there were a few close calls..fuck knows how i didn't get fired!!

And then there's hiding it from the partners, more fun...."Oh no, I don't use anymore, had to go to the doc to get a bloodtest the other day..." A couple of them really weren't buying that excuse, and who can blame them!!.
I used to work in a store doing accounts with a bunch of middle-aged ladies, used to shoot up many mornings before i went in there....i think they would have just about had a coronary if they knew that...i played the "clean cut young man" role rather convincingly!

Ah the twisted web of lies we weave.
Click to expand...

sounds like meth my friend
same thing happened to my parents and i told them it was for IM ketamine and a friends since i was in my car (the only thing i could negotiate was it was in the backseat in a garbage bag so.. I mean im not in the backseat right! ) but i never threw rigs out at home and i always kept a bag of all paraphernalia and disposed of it properly (enough..hid it so no one would get hurt, broke the tips, etc) and I was always a straight shot and had bruising (makeup) and somehow have no tracks and took care of the wounds pretty well

Am i the only one whos pretty open and honest to people about my IV meth addiction?
Esp at raves, people will often notice and ill just..tell them. If they don't judge, they can be friends, if they do; fuck em anyways right? If they also use thats a path to streight destruction right there.. but i dont like lying. I could hide it but it makes me feel more fiendy and as if I should be ashamed. I want help, i want support, i want people who will like me for the good person i am. I never steal I try not to hurt anyone but I've kept it hiden from my family, and my GF thinks i smoked it and i convicned her it wasnt as bad as we were told in DARE. But this being true, im a total speed head and its my love drug, even if its not as dangerous and addictive as they say , it is for me . But i stopped pretty easily but shortly after (2 months of sobriety) my main connect (and beloved friend RIP DB) passed away and carried a strong message towards me and sobriety which seemed to solidify my commitment towards sobriety

dj_esky said:
i live a secret life, I like to get fucked up whenever i can, meth is my drug of choice. i do it whenever i can. i have got almost perfect at hiding my secret addiction. and also dealing with psychosis is just so easy now. i used to work in I.T. but that stopped when i was hit by a car 2 years ago. myy time in recovery from the accident was mostly sppent getting stoned and tweaked. but i was already a hardcore user before that. I ride my pushbike everywhere, I do bumps for an energy boost while cycling. a bullet inhaler helps.

i have been in a sexless relationship for the pastt 5 years, which i think is a major contributor to my drug habit. i get my pleasure from tweaking for a few days and jerking off every time my pants are dropped.
my g/f doesn't know i'm a hardcore tweaker, i have somehow managed it keep that a secret from her all these years. I'm always trying to give up smoking cigerettes and i blame my mood swings on the withdrawl symptoms from tobacco. its easier to get away with it when its winter as its flu season. yet i never seem to actually have the flu.

I love Raving, i have been a fan of the techno rave scene since i was only 7 years old. when i go out clubbing or raving i must have somethinng stimulating other than red bull to have fun.
I have even built a party lighting system in me bedroom that includes lasers, to re create a rave in my tweaker sessions. helps with producing euphoria.

I only snort, swallow, smoke and insert meth rectally. I tell myself that if i ever IV meth that i have to do something about it, like rehab.
meth has also helped me with writing Hardstyle and Gabber. so i really feeel no need to stop any time soon.

I live by myself so i don't have to deal with my parents kickingg me out any more, but my dad knows i smoke weed, and he seems cool with that.
but yea it seems i'm not alone noe since reading this thread, and thats cool
Click to expand...

oh man. That sounds like me . I feel like some sexual tendancy to masturbate for hours as therapy on CM. My dad also knows I smoke weed, seems cool with it, but i kept it from my GF too. Parents was a little harder. Im also a raver and was on adderall when i was 16-17, that greatly contribued to my love of CM. I'm an IV user and I can tell you dont cross the threshold. It drives you mad and psychosis doesnt get any easier to deal with. If you worked in IT you have potential. Not to be harsh but you're living at home (assuming you are not permanantly injured from the accident in which case, my deepest condolences) but it IS harming you and meth makes you DENY DENY DENY until no end to justify your use. You could be doing much much more my friend and writing music shouldnt be an exucse to use. Drugs dont make you creative thats just cleaver justification and you might not see it until you get sober ( i know i fucking couldn't) and even if it is helping you said that you have loved the music since 7 years old.. so why do you need it?
 
Last edited:
i secretly inject crack cocaine into my balls every morning.

P.S. Nah, I'm just kidding around, I'm not really what I would consider a "secret addict"
 
Wow, to sit back and evaluate my addiction, just to reply to the thread....makes my mind really wrap around and grasp my issue.
I'm a nurse,ironically. When I'm not on the floor at work, I'm usually home with my dog or under the hood of a car.
My family lives on the other side of the country, so they dont know my life other than what I tell them. My boss questioned me once, my heart skipped a beat but she believed me. Idk what I would do if she ever found out I smoke meth in the bathroom at work when I take my lunch. I want to give a justification, like my work load is too much, but the base of it all, is I'm an addict. Plain and simple. I still work every shift, work overtime when they need me. I do my job and I work with integrity.
I live with a friend, I rent the back house withthe back yard for my dog. Im sure at one point she thought something. I stay pretty isolated, it's a normal thing for me, even growing up. I prefer to stay to myself. So in a way it works out for me.
my partner knows my past, if she found out I relapsed,I know it would be a big blow. I feel the toll that its taking on us. Im distant,I feel blank most of the time.
I feel like telling her I fell back and if shes willing to stay with me through the recovery,then shes even more amazing than she already is.
I want to stop,more because I know how much I have to lose. But im stuck, and ive really gotta dig hard to get out. It'll be soon,it keeps playing on my mind. Its a matter of taking that leap of faith
 
Great thread. :)

Yes, I was leading a double life, but the 2 are slowly crumpling and becoming one as I can't keep it up anymore. My family and friends thought I was just at uni, working, being normal.. Really I have been through my own made hell. First I left uni, as I couldnt face it.. I continued to work and was doing okay from the outside as I was on benzos. When it came to tapering off of them my secret side came out to those around me. When I became addicted to heroin I made no contact with the outside world and there was actually rumours going around I was dead.. None of my friends from home or family knew, but my college friends knew as I was going out with someone notorious for using heroin. To deal with it, I have been in hibernation for the last year and 2 months. I haven't seen a single true friend, or family member. I'm simply too ashamed of myself.
 
Last edited:
recently just got another taste of the double life I thought I had left behind. picked up a bit of a coke habit for like 6 weeks cause I was getting some extra money that the wife didn't know about. started shooting again and everything, luckily the money ran out and I have the self control to know when enough is enough.

glad that is over with.
 
InvisibleEye said:
I'm curious. How did it go?
Click to expand...

Way better than I could have ever imagined. He's supporting me in the decision to begin Methadone maintenance. I will begin that on Monday and he is even ok with me continuing to do what I have to to stay well until then. This is the man who has never touched any drug nor even a cigarette.
 
I don't know if I would say I am physically addicted.. But def dependent on my lovely oxys..
In comes my 2 cents ;)
There r about 4 ppl in my life who know the extent of what I 'need' to function, everyone else has no clue. Everyone knows I'm disabled, but don't know the amount of pills, prescribed and otherwise, I take. Most think it's a Vic, twice a day..
My use started about 4 1-2-5 yrs ago when I was a guinea pig for a new back implant, that the dr 'guaranteed' would fix me like new, well my body rejected it about 4 days after, had another MAJOR back surgery 6 weeks later.. And here I am! I blow thru my whole script in about 5-7days. (15 mg-120 total) when I get em filled, I pop 2 down the gullet and 2 up the nose to get ahead of pain.. Then the high set in, no care in the world.. In comes the fantastic game of chasing the dragon!!
Each month I tell myself I will be more diligent and make them last damn it!, every month I fail ;(
My hubby is the one who told me about snorting, he smokes pot once in a blue moon, but never been a user. He know I go thru my prx, then I'm always looking, but he mostly thinks it's for my mom cuz I'll play it off for 2 weeks after I still have some. Trying my best to not let him see my pain face.
Anywho.. I am lucky in the retrospect I don't get 'sick' when I don't have em, but holy hell does my pain jump off the rictor scale..
I hate that when my pain in back and leg get so bad. I'll buckle and am willing to spend STUPID amounts on money, which has done nothing for bills and what not.
Here is to the next 9 months of cold weather, aching bones, stiff awakenings and me trying trying my best to make em last longer and have something to show for it!
Sorry.. Didn't mean to give u my bio..
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top