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ADDICTS: Are you livin a secret double life? Secret addiction? Post here

Agreed. Great topic.

I lived a double life, hiding my IV heroin use from my boyfriend and roommate that I live with, my job, and my family that is out of state. My boyfriend and I had experimented before, but with nothing really hard, and moved away and cleaned up, or so he thought.

I started up again with the OC's, and eventually graduated to IV heroin in a few short weeks since I was away from my family.

It lasted for about two years since I was good at hiding it, and I had a good, reputable job, and good friends. I really was living a double life with a few select dealers who knew about it.

One day my bf had enough suspecting and searched my purse and found my rigs and cooker. I felt horrible because this was the end of my ropes. My bank account at the time had gone into the negatives, and I was missing a lot of work due to being sick.

So my loving bf kicked me in the ass, took my car keys and credit and debit cards, my rigs n stuff, and didn't let me out of the house for a week.

I got clean and now I only shoot once every couple of weeks, when I get a little extra cash. I still lie about it, but he thinks I don't get high anymore. I dont know if I will ever be able to not do it at all.

No one else knows about my "hardcore" drug use, and that is the lifestyle - secretive, and I admit that I like it that way.
 
I had a pretty easy time hiding my meth addiction. I spent a lot of time with my friends in Ohio, so my parents were used to never seeing me. After a couple months I moved to another state where I pretty much hid out in my apartment doing meth and drinking myself silly. When I'd run out of meth or money, I'd drive back to Ohio for a weekend, restock and then vanish out of state again.

My friends knew how bad I was, but I don't think I would have been able to keep it secret from my family if I hadn't moved.
 
for a while my opiate use was a double life, being sick every sunday and feeling like shit but having to try to push through it, rapid weight loss, black rings around my eyes, parents questioning but i always denied, not letting people in on it unless they're the same way, always having excuses about going out to the gym or library when it was to cop, money coming and going...god that was the worst, i'm glad i've turned my life around completey and have gotten clean
 
How can people not have a secret life these days if they are using ?

There is simply to much at risk. The only reason one would let people know is if they got found out or were trying to get clean. Im keep things so much more under the radar these days even to close friends.

You will know what im talking about if you have ever had a friend make a direct drug joke/reference about you infront of workmates. :X

Oh and BTW the parental units said they were going to be out all sunday for a drive. I ended up munching some acid and they ended up comming back way early about an hour after it kicked in . It was raining so i was trapped inside. SO SO NOT COOL :X
 
Hiding my meth addictions was IMPOSSIBLE, I look so different when ive been using and I have a different personality, my mum never knew about IV use but she always knew when I was using although alot of the time she said nothing because I guess she just didnt want to be lied to. It was nothing to do with turning a blind eye, she knows that one can only stop when they are ready and willing.

Even though I was never an addict it was easy to hide opiate and benzo use even when I was using for weeks at a time, but luckily I just have something about me that makes opiate use easy to control, benzo's not so much.

The only time she knew I was using opiates was when I had tons of oxy and projectile vomited right in front of her and was white as a ghost with messed up eyes. She was worried but she knows im careful with drugs apart from meth and she knows that I know what im doing.
 
Hiding my meth addictions was IMPOSSIBLE, I look so different when ive been using and I have a different personality, my mum never knew about IV use but she always knew when I was using although alot of the time she said nothing because I guess she just didnt want to be lied to. It was nothing to do with turning a blind eye, she knows that one can only stop when they are ready and willing.
Click to expand...

I can definately identify with this, my pupils and jaw and demeanor tell all after my dalliances with meth..and back when i first started using, and was living with my parents, they were onto me...but again, knew that being a stupid 18 year old back then the more they hassled me the more defiant i'd be. (What a prick...)
Then they found my syringes, which they couldn't ignore...
However, I then had to lead the secret double life of someone who says they are a "former user" but are still using.

Hid it (successfully) so many times at work, in a pub, going in and barely functioning after being on it for 2 days..sneak off to the coolroom between customers and have a booster shot, there were a few close calls..fuck knows how i didn't get fired!!

And then there's hiding it from the partners, more fun...."Oh no, I don't use anymore, had to go to the doc to get a bloodtest the other day..." A couple of them really weren't buying that excuse, and who can blame them!!.
I used to work in a store doing accounts with a bunch of middle-aged ladies, used to shoot up many mornings before i went in there....i think they would have just about had a coronary if they knew that...i played the "clean cut young man" role rather convincingly!

Ah the twisted web of lies we weave.
 
well lets see to everybody but my mom ,my g/f i am clean(and a few uncle who are addicted to dope/oxy as well) :( ...i do tree work there for work is not everyday but i work 2-3 days at least most of the time

i am aroun my dad when we work all day i cant wear short sleeves ,i dont know what ima do this summer,im such a good lie'er ,i can con a 100 bucks like its nothing cuse"i got my life together" i lie so much to my dad and so forth it almost feels true,deep down i know hes wondering or worry'n ,when i ask for 20 bucks after getting payed 650 4 days later

im going no where only succesful thing about me is my g/f who does nothin cept drink bout once a year skome weed once a year ,and she does like xanax

but if she spilled her gut about what she sees after im done lie'n to get money ,as she has watched me push that plunger down almost everynight or other night,yet can still look at me and smile about the relationship we have

or if my mom would talk about how she sets my head up straight so i woldnt fall over and break my kneck from nodding every morning when she heads to work while i sit in the chair i passed out in the night before,or ho she would hide my "works" when my dad would come up to use the bathroom (they arent together),or give me money for new syringes ....how can you look your mother in the eye ,better yet how can you return that kinda love/ exceptance.... to where it doesnt matter what i become shell always be there to offer love and support

do dreams even matter anymore,do i deserve to spread my seed.....

i can still see my bupe docs face every time i told him with a grin how great i felt yet i was thinking about how i was going to use te money for the script to get dope....jesus christ im slowly fading,somtimes i cant even ook at my g/f while we supposedly make LOVE .....

every week the same shit ,i need to pay thsi wanna go here dad ,its 89 bucks i say that cause i know hell just giv me a 100 note instead of digging for the exact change .....

the worst is whne sombody does slip and say somthing wrong thenmore and more lies just spill outta me like it were blood and i was just be headed
 
Yea I did, student, good job, still am still do but the other day and when I tried to come out of that secret hole, the person I thought i could trust to help me ran away, so I suppose I'll just go back in. No one has to know but my junkie friends.
 
it's not exactly the same as a Heroin, speed, Cocaine addiction, but I am addicted to benzos. It's really a lot more of a pain in the ass than you'd think, There are only a couple days in a month where i can actually get high...the rest of the time is spent conserving what i have and trying to figure out where and when i'm going to get my next batch. I have gotten really good at finding out if people are prescribed them or not and then convincing them to give me some and eventually most of their prescription. It really sneaks up on you and the whole time you don't feel like you're really doing anything because the effect of benzos is often very subtle. Within the course of a couple months i was completely sucked in. Thankfully I have reduced my usage by about 50%, but i still hate the withdrawals looming above my head at all times.
 
Certainly. Especially with coke, the whole secrecy, shady thing surrounds that drug. You don't want anyone to know, but people find out. In order to keep it secret you have to do it when no one is around, sinking you deeper into addiction.
 
Back in the summer time everyone knew i did coke, snorted it that is. All my friends and after a run in with the law my family found out also. But only my gf and 2 other close friends knew that I wasnt just snorting it i was IV'ing it most of the time.

After my run in with the law i have told everyone that i stopped using coke Even my gf thinks i have stopped all together even though we live together. i still shoot up regular at least have a session once a week. and no one knows anymore expect those 2 clsoe friends that Iv with me.
 
I hid my oxy/coke/fent habit for 6 years, my parents were junkies so I didnt tell them, they saw me near the end of it, I was skin and bones, they asked....."James (My first name) are you Mxxxx?" I said yes.

Fucked. My parents knew my name on the streets
fuck I hid it well though, 4 of those years were school where I nodded every day and blew rails behind my binder
 
I led a double life for over 2 years and my drug of choice was meth. I used everyday and because I would monitor how much I was using and make it last i thought I had it under control...HAH!!

The lies and deceptions I did to get the money were incredible. My life revolved around meeting in carparks in my lunch break, on the way home, even a couple of times in the carpark where my son was playing soccer. I'd visit my parents and leave the kids there and make an excuse that I needed to pay bills and nick off to score. I went without buying new clothes, skimped on the shopping, colour my own hair and say I'd been to the hairdressers and because I collected for the lotto syndicate at work I often used that money and would pay it back a little at a time. I did the food shopping and bought petrol on my visa card and used the shopping cash to score. When my mother in law gave me money for the kids school uniforms I used that for me. Id ask for money instead of gifts on special occasions and say it was spent on something you couldnt see like a facial.

It meant I could be that supermum, who worked full time as a professional , raise a family and run the household with ease. When I look back at how I found the money especially towards the end when my useage was pretty high I feel very, very ashamed.

Eventually my husband started noticed changes in my personality and actually thought I was having an affair!! He went through my mobile phone bills and looked for frequently called numbers or sms that he didnt recognise and he rang my dealer!!

When he confronted me he didnt believe me at first and we had to have a meeting with my dealer to convince him that he was my dealer and not my boyfriend. Of course being the deviant I had already planned with my dealer what we would say (as to how much I bought/used) just in case the shit ever did hit the fan.

My husband threatened to kick me out and although I continued to use for a while afterwards the guilt and fear of losing my family made me give up for good. It was bloody hard but I never let onto my husband that I was having a hard time giving up because then he would have known that my useage was high.

Although I told no one I was using regularly my friends and husband would use meth occasionally when we had a big weekend, little did they know while they were sharing it out to me I had a stash in my purse. Meth addiction is a selfish and very shameful one.

I have since talked about it with a couple of select people and was surprised to find out about their own private addictions also.

Thank god I got caught out I dont know how many more thousands of dollars I would of spent, or what it would have eventually done to my relationships with family and friends and would have probably have a few teeth falling out by now instead of some fillings.
 
Nobody knows I'm a polydrug addict who can't stay clean from everything, always has to use something...it hasn't reached a climax though and despite being fucked up, tripping balls at work back in the day, overdosing infront of people without them having a clue...etc, nobody has 1) noticed 2) knows I always act weird and disregards any additional odd behavior 3) doesn't give a shit 4) knows but doesn't say anything 5) knows because they're the people I buy from 6) has fallen victim to my drunken/otherwise inebriated ramblings and discovered then that I'm a polydrug junkie.

In person I come off as straightedge.
 
to the users who still hide.wich is prob alot

does it ever get to you how much lie'n you do on a day to day basis wether its to yourself or your parents friends co-workers

its getting to a pointe where im such a good lier,i HATE IT WHEN A DAY SHOWS UP THAT I HAVE TO TELL A BIG ONE wichs ends in me getting money from my father,the bills are so fucking played out


and im so good i can actually make a lie seem real even when caught...now thats bad and still end up on the winning side

anyway u guys ever end upat the end of the day hating that youll have to lie to the people you love another day


i lied to myself so much when i was an alcoholic ,(HUGE ALCOHOLC TO THE POINT OF HAVING LIVER DAMAGE)....but damn opiates suck ...they may not kill me the way alcohol was but its ruining my life ..day after day
 
I used to think the same way. But in actuality my lies weren't so great, and anyone with half a brain knew what was going on (they just didn't want to believe that their son/friend/employee was a junkie).

And if you think your lies weigh on your conscience bad now, wait until they have realized all your lies, know your lying and you get caught lying directly to their face and they call you on it.

if your such a great liar, quit while your ahead.

Eventually you'll make a stupid mistake, get caught and people will connect the dots, fact check with each other and realize that they no longer want you in their lives.

you can't really lie your way out of being homeless....or maybe i was just never good enough at lying. :\
 
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